The straw...

Do you ever just have one of those days that you think you can't possibly take anything else?

Yeah.... I'm having one of those weeks. Now the good news is that I know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. AND I have faith and trust and I know all things work out as they are supposed to.

Christmas is always a tough time of year for me... no matter how hard I try not to, I relate it to the loss of my best friend, killed by a drunk driver a few days before Christmas. Any magic that existed around the holiday died with her. Add to that the overwhelming sense of loss at the death of our two boys - Sampson and Bangara, an empty-nest, and getting taken for over $12k. Yep. I'm not feeling too merry.

Here's the business deal. I feel the need to put it in writing, because it will make me feel better! :)

We've been working with Intense Schools for the past few months. I will facilitate some of their PMP courses for them and they also have switched over to using our curriculum. For us, this is a huge partnership. To us, it's all about how you treat your clients. For all intents and purposes, it appeared to us as though Intense School really did value their clients and was looking out for their best interest.

Over the past five weeks, I delivered two classes for them - one in Atlanta and one in DC. I was very hesitant to do the one in DC, mainly because of money. I had been asked to do a class that week for IS in San Diego - this would work out well because I could drive and it would save us money. When they switched my class to DC, not only would my travel expenses be a lot greater, they didn't want to pay us for the books. Even after having to pay $800 for a plane ticket, I agreed to do the class due to the future partnership with IS. We felt it was worth the sacrifice.

Long story short, IS is sitting on five invoices, totalling over $12k. On Thursday, I find out from another instructor that Vigilar, the parent company, has closed the doors. Meanwhile, just the day before, I had referred over potential students to IS and received an email thanking me from the director of training. Yet, not surprisingly, as soon as I started asking about the invoices, I get no response. I've tried calling all of the numbers, emailing everyone and we get nothing.

This $12k may mean the difference in us being able to keep our home or not. This $12k is money we worked very hard for and earned every penny. It would be one thing if they just approached us, explained what was going on, and were at least honest. But the truth appears to be that they knew they weren't going to be able to pay us. I since found out that they are still trying to collect money from students, yet the chances they will be able to run classes is pretty slim since they've screwed over all of their instructors.

Ok. I feel slightly better. Makes me really proud of the way we do business. We may struggle to survive, but at least I can sleep at night knowing that we're doing the right thing.

But.... the good news is that this week I'll have all of my girls home and life will go on. Things will get better.

My beliefs

Ok... so this might cause some upset... BUT... here are my beliefs. In black and white.

1. There is such thing as karma. Do the right thing. ALWAYS. It will come back to you.
2. Christ was here. He died for us. God gave His son for our sins. Of this, I have no doubts.
3. Cheating is the most disgusting act. The only thing worse then men who give in to their lust is the stupid women that do it with a married man. They are lower than the plankton that the pond scum feeds upon.
4. No matter how much we try to give our "lessons learned" to our children, they need to learn it for themselves. All the cruel lessons of life.... There is no "get-out-of-jail-card-free".
5. There is nothing like a best friend. She (or he) is irreplaceable.
6. You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family (0k... I stole that one). And bottom line, there is something about your family that, no matter what, you gotta love. They made you what you are... for better or for worse.
7. Attitude is everything. I have seen a bitter person defeated under the same circumstances that I've seen a strong person suceed. The power is ours.
8. Nobody "owes" us anything. We are here to work hard, earn our keep, and be deserving of what we receive.
9. I like Sarah Palin. I really do. I think she's real. I think she's cool. Hats off to a hockey-mom. It's ok... really.
10. Obama = Hitler. But worse. (Can you say "satan"?) Enough said.
11. As soon as you stop wanting to learn and grow and challenge yourself, you've died.
12. Count your blessings every day. Live each day like it's your last... it might very well be.
13. I believe in the right to bear arms. If my government isn't going to protect me, I'll take care of it.
14. People who steal SUCK.
15. Bitterness and unforgiveness is like cancer. It eats away at your heart and soul.
16. There is nothing more amazing than a dog curled up at the end of your bed.
17. If you don't believe in God, just turn to nature. Marvel at the sunrise, the trout in the stream, the trees reaching to heaven, the smell of pine.
18. Beauty is truly on skin-deep. Look inside to know the soul.
19. Travel. Be open to other cultures, beliefs. If you travel, truly experience the culture. It will be life-changing.
20. God blessed me... truly. I have three amazing daughters, a best friend that I love more than anyone, and a husband that truly loves me. It is my duty, and my honor, to earn those blessings every day from here on out.
21. And... yep... I will beat them all at the sprint triathlon in March. BRING IT ON!

Hard day

I don't even know where to begin. My heart feels like it is broken into a million pieces. There are only a few times in my life when I have felt pain like this and I could live the rest of my life never feeling it again.

To back-up a little....
We have four dogs - our little malte-poo Baxter who is about to be 10, Bangara who is a street dog from India whom I rescued while I was working in Bangalore, Sampson who just turned 2, rescued from the euthanasia list, and Sierra, also almost 2 who was also on "the list". Last spring we had a horrible episode when through some type of escalation, Bangara turned on little Baxter. He started attacking him and that aroused the pack or fight instinct in Sampson. The attack was brutal and Baxter was lucky to come out alive. He required surgery and multiple stitches.

It was so hard to imagine any of our dogs being aggressive. They are raised like our children, in our home, and spoiled probably way more than my girls were. They were sweet, and loving, and fun. But that day I saw something horrifying.

Since that time, there have been no repeat instances although we have learned to be constantly on edge. We were warned that once dogs exhibit red-zone behavior their potential for re-offense is significantly higher. We protected Baxter, keeping him separate as much as possible.

So last night I get home after being gone a week. Bangara and I have always had a very special bond, from that very first night I found him in Bangalore. One of the things I look forward to most coming home is Bangara's excited little dance and prancing about. Last night was no exception. As Bangara pranced around me excited, Sam decided to join in. Next thing we knew they were in battle. We were able to separate them, settle them down, and once we were certain they were calm, we tried again. The same result, but this time when trying to separate them Devin got bit on his hand and his stomach.

I guess we always knew that it was a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode. We knew the chances were high for recurrence of the aggression, but we just did not want to believe it. We slept with heavy hearts and wanted to believe that it was all a misunderstanding or an isolated incident when we awoke. But it wasn't.

No more than five minutes after getting them up from their crates this morning, they attacked each other again. After a lot of tears, discussion, more tears, and a discussion of our options, we decided the only thing we could do was to put them both down. We discussed trying to find another home for each of them, but chances were they would be aggressive again. We could not live with the thought of a child being injured or attacked. Or another pet. Or a person.

Brittany met us at the vets and Devin and I both stayed with them, one at a time, as they drew their last breaths. We hugged them and pet them and told them over and over how much we loved them. We told them each the story of how we came to rescue them and how much we loved being their mommy and daddy. We told them that we would see them again some day and that it wouldn't hurt. They would just fall asleep. The vet's office was amazing and let us spend time with each of them. They gave them a slight sedative to make sure they were relaxed and unafraid.

I try to look at it as though we gave each them years that neither one of them would have had otherwise. We gave them love and care and attention. We played with them when we were home and missed them when we weren't. And in return I received the most beautiful unconditional love.

But I know it is going to take a very long time for my heart to heal.... and maybe it never will. Each loss I've experienced in my life has taken a few more pieces. Pieces that don't ever seem to be replaced.

Just a little vacation from blogging!

Oops. If blogging every day of my 40th year was really an important goal for me, I certainly have not demonstrated that. Guess I have a LOT of catching up to do. Here are the highlights of the past three months.

September we started our month+ of travel.

The week of September 7th I delivered PMP training in San Francisco for one of our partner companies. The great thing about doing their classes is that we use MY materials. So much better. I had a great group and ended up becoming good friends in particular with one of the ladies. She is just one of those cool people that love to hang out with and talk to. She was so cool, as a matter of fact, she was able to get Brooke backstage passes to the Journey / Night Ranger concert in Pensacola. Always enlightening when we do classes for other companies to identify the deficiencies... specifically in customer service. Really bothers me when people aren't accurately prepared for the class. My theory... once you get in that class you should worry about nothing other than learning all of the material.

At this time we had already purchased our three-leg flight for the Dominican Republic. We were supposed to go to DR with Telle and Kristin and then fly up to Boston and deliver a PMP class for a local chapter up in New England. A week before we were to leave, the chapter cancelled the class. Can you say "oh shit"? We already had the books, the reservations, etc. We scrambled and were able to successfully pull together a Boston class.

DR was incredible and although we felt terribly guilty that we were taking a vacation under such poor financial conditions, we convinced ourselves that it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, it was super cheap, we couldn't let Telle and Kristin down, on and on. Anything to make ourselves feel better! The resort was beautiful and it was just a truly relaxing, phenomenal trip. It was a little frustrating not having consistent access to WiFi but we managed to get some work done. Devin was a champ and would walk up to the lobby with me twice a day so we could do emails and work on our class enrollment. We met some great people and learned that it is totally possible to spend 8 days in a very small room with another couple and still be friends at the end of the trip!

We flew from DR to Boston and it was so nice to be able to get home during the fall. The leaves were amazing! We picked up Kim and took a drive up through New Hampshire to Fryeburg and finally got to attend the Fryeburg Fair - it's been YEARS!! It was perfect...and it was so awesome to expose Devin to the fair. He got to see the world's largest pig. He can die a happy man now!.

Class went well in Boston but we received the pretty devastating news that the hard drive that crashed was completely unrecoverable. All of our movies, pictures, and worse... our course documents. It was a pretty painful and expensive lesson to just BACK UP YOUR FILES!!! DUH!!! Here it is December and we are still working on recreating our files. Some stuff is just lost forever. :-( Very thankful that I had a copy of our pictures, or at least most of them, on my laptop.

We got back from Boston and had one day to get the house ready from top to bottom for the home exchange. It was a crazy 36 hours and before we knew it, we were sitting on the plane heading to Chicago and then off to Paris. The home exchange was amazing, better than I could have imagined! I'll detail that out in another blog.

We got back to Phoenix on October 27th and real life kicked back in. The following week I did a class in Phoenix and then I was off to Altanta. Atlanta was pretty good with the exception of the last day of class. The parking lot was up on a hill in front of the hotel, with wide concrete steps. I had a little spring in my step that morning - wearing my pin-striped suit, hair done, good make-up - on my way to the office to film some videos for our client. Then BAM. Face-first down on the concrete steps. How embarrassing! Big black egg on my chin. My jaw hurt for a few days. But other than that the pain was more in the humiliation. So much for filming videos!

Home for a week to celebrate Thanksgiving. We decide to do a very small, very quiet Thanksgiving at home. Just the girls. It was heart-breaking, though, that Brooke wasn't able to come home. So strange to have our first big holiday without one of the girls. Brandy was home and Brit came over with Nate... it was a day of eating, wine, and playing games. The surprise of the day was that I won the American Idol singing game. Just messed up. I'm the worse singer in the world!! LOL

This week was DC and I'm now sitting in the gate waiting to go home. I can't wait. And I'll actually be home for awhile!! :-)

RMNP - Part II

Day two in RMNP and we packed up camp and played some hack (and yes, believe it or not, I actually participated... not well, but who cares?) I can definitely see the appeal now! :-) It was fun and I can just imagine how much more fun it would be with actual coordination!

The hike up to Tonahutu was over 5 miles but with a more gradual ascent than we experienced the day before. I pretty much would try to pick my spot at the back of the pack.... I was very conscious of how slow I was, or at least perceived myself to be. This was a bit unfortunate because I really wanted to experience the hike with Devin, who happened to be one of the fastest ones in the group (something to do with his legs being a foot longer than mine or something).

I was pleasantly surprised to realize that my endurance and strength had greatly improved just since the trip to Blue Ridge.... thank you very much Wii and EA Sports Active! The pack carried well and although I got a bit of a ribbing about how light my pack was in comparison there were two factors that went into it: As far as percentage of body weight, I was up there with everyone else and my pack is just a little ladies pack - only fits so much! :-)

The RMNP Backpacking Trip - Part 1

After a year of planning, we finally did our backpacking trip in Rocky Mountain National Park. Leading up to the trip I was a bit nervous (re: the hike, altitude, being cool and fitting in - ha ha). I had only done one backpacking trip prior which was our 2-day trip to Blue Ridge Reservoir here in AZ with Telle and Kristin. Not quite the same as 6 days with a group of 10 in RMNP.

The original plan was to rent a couple of bear canisters up in Denver for our food, since they are now required. I was a little hesitant for a couple of reasons - I wanted to make sure the food we were bringing was going to fit into 2 canisters and also, if we're going to be backpacking frequently, perhaps we should just buy a couple. With that thought in mind, Devin didn't reserve our rental canisters. The day before we're flying to Denver, we run to REI to get the canisters. Only problem, they're sold out. They call the Denver REIs - they to are sold out and no rentals available. This is where procrastination really irritates me!





Our food for 6 days...

Starting to panic a bit, we both start calling every possible sporting goods store in the Phoenix area and are told over and over that they are sold out. I finally hit the jackpot at Sports Chalet. A quick stop, and with 2 bear canisters in hand, we finish up our shopping, focusing on food. At home, we planned our meals, laid out everything, and I made a batch of homemade granola bars (YUMMY!). The plan was to cook one dinner for ourselves and two dinners for us and Telle and Kristin. They would cook on the opposite nights. So here was the first challenge - create delicious dinners, not out of a package.

Devin decided on rice, velveeta, bacon bits, spices, Taco Bell fire sauce, packaged chicken, all wrapped in a tortilla. I went a little more ethnic with a recipe for chicken curry. Our first night meal, I used rice, powdered spaghetti sauce mix, velveeta cheese and chicken.... do you see a theme emerging? We decided to go easy on breakfast with oatmeal, and lunches of either snack mixes or Ramen with tuna. All laid out, we packed the canisters and were impressed that it all fit perfectly.

To complicate our preparation, we also needed to pack for our Chicago trip to Brooke's graduation, as we were going to simply touch down in Phoenix long enough to switch out our bags before getting on another flight.

With backpacks all set and everything packed into two hockey bags and our Chicago bags all situated, we were on our way. The flight to Denver was unremarkable although the landing was a bit scary as we bounced wing to wing. Somehow the pilot managed to land on the wheels first. Mike picked us up at the airport and we headed over to his cousin Reuben's house where we were going to meet up with the rest of the group and spend the night. We rendezvoused with Kristin, Telle, Pat, and Kristen at Sports Authority, grabbed fishing poles and a fishing license, and then did a practice run with our tents in Reuben's backyard. Pizza, beer, and some light rain made the night perfect.

The next morning everyone packed up their gear, filled their nalgenes, loaded up packs into Mike's truck and we were off. The ride up to RMNP was beautiful and Mike filled us in on local information, what the roads were like during a snowstorm, etc. We stopped at a spot close to the park, in Grand Lake, to have breakfast at the Bear Cafe. Incredibly local and non-commercialized, the waitress took our order with her baby on her hip. The portions were generous and the food was good. Satisfied, we continued on our journey to the RMNP visitor's center to pick up the permits.

At the trailhead, everyone took their time situating their gear, played a little hackey-sack, took some pictures and then we were ready. The first day we were to hike to Big Meadows. Although only a 1.8 mile hike, we would be adjusting to 50+ pound packs, a significant gain in altitude, and a pretty steep climb.

I decided to start out in my boots, hoping for better luck than I had at Blue Ridge, but probably 1/3 of the way in, I realized it was a no-go and switched over to my sandals. Unfortunately, not quick enough to prevent a loss of 3 toenails and some pretty gnarly blisters. At first the altitude got me. I had a hard time filling my lungs and was disappointed in my ability to keep a quick pace. But after awhile my body started to adjust and I welcomed the burn in my legs, the sweat, and the increased heart rate (must have been my endorphin rush!). The path was beautiful and the air smelled so good. (one of the things I miss most about Maine is that smell....).

After a few hours of pretty strenuous hiking, we arrived at the site which was surprisingly in a big meadow... (hmmmmm wonder why it's called Big Meadow). The actual group campsite was an island of pine trees plopped in the middle of the meadow. A creek that was alive with fish, snaked it's way through the meadow and was a perfect source for water filtering. After pitching camp, we filtered water, did some fishing, and then enjoyed an evening of good food, company, and the famous hooch. Life was good!

My first fish caught at Big Meadows

The plan for the rest of my life...

I am most decidedly at a significant crossroad in my life - the closing of one very large, sometimes painful, chapter, and the opening of an entirely new and different chapter.

There are four main currents of change at work: first and foremost, after 23 years of being a mom (more than half of my life), my children are now all grown and out of the house. I will always be a mom and very involved with their lives, but it's so different when you have two on different coasts.

The second current of change is our business. Little did I know when I chose to leave my cushy corporate job that my business and professional life would take such an incredible path. While the company is still most definitely in a start-up phase and we've yet to reap any significant financial benefits, there is no doubt about the success that lies so near to us. I believe strongly that we have perfected our business model and it's surprisingly simple: Do the right thing by our clients ALWAYS, go above and beyond, and build our business based on referrals and results. The most beautiful thing about my "job" (other than it doesn't feel like a job) is that it travels with me. This allows us to live anywhere in the country and still be able to work.

The third current of change is the remarkably nostalgic birthday I will be celebrating exactly 8 weeks from today. The big 4-0. Here's the nostalgic piece to me... my assumption going into it is that I have, from that point, lived the majority of my life. I may make it to 80 or beyond, but statistically speaking I have less years ahead of me than behind me. Which, quite honestly, doesn't bother me in the least, however, it does spur me on a bit to maximize all of my remaining days and years. I feel like I'm 18, just smarter and stronger. I love the person I am becoming. I love that I still have a lot of lessons to learn and a lot of growing to do. I love knowing that I have no boundaries and no limits. That, I believe, is the beauty of age! My new motto in life: no more wasted days.

The fourth current of change, although definitely not the least impactful, is my marriage. Although we have been married for two years, this is the first time we are experiencing life alone - just the two of us. My favorite thing is "doing life" with my husband... whether it's working on the business, doing stuff around the house, or shopping at Costco. He is my partner, my best friend, and there is nothing I look forward to more than just continuing to grow our love, our marriage, and our life.

So that leads me to the rather auspicious title of this blog... the plan for the rest of my life. Now don't think that I am so conceited or stupid as to think I can truly plan out my life... that's in God's hands, however, I can plan out my approach to life.

First off, Devin and I have been talking about how interesting and exciting it would be to choose ten destinations around the US and live for one full year in each location. To me, this is an absolute dream. I have the attention span of a gnat and am incredibly restless. The promise of annual change is completely exciting to me. For Devin, who was born and raised here in AZ, I imagine that while exciting, it's somewhat nerve-wracking as well. His entire network is here: friends, family, hockey. I have a virtual network, with most of my friends and family back east, and my girls scattered literally from coast-to-coast.

We fueled our excitement by purchasing a huge wall map of the US and began identifying where we would like to live. After 13 years in the desert, I'm dying for seasons and the ocean, preferably the Atlantic. Never quite warmed up to the Pacific as much. However, we both admit to being somewhat wimpy when it comes to cold and snow. We want to experience both city living and country living.... so here's the final top 10 list, in no particular order:

• Savannah, GA
• Chicago, IL
• Boston, MA (that's my choice! so it only has one star!!)
• Seattle, WA
• San Francisco, CA
• Juneau, AK
• Somewhere in Hawaii
• Somewhere in PA - preferably a small farm
• Southern CA (San Diego-ish)
• Denver, CO

Our thought is to start out at the cheapest place to live, which definitely leaves out SF, Hawaii, and Boston. Savannah is a good option or potentially somewhere in the Carolinas.

If things happen they way we think they will, the plan will begin to unfold next Spring. I can't wait! We'll ride out the winter here, which is perfect, and then set off on our decade of exploration! Our goal is to live light, slim down, be portable and rent in each location. And we'll just see how it goes. Maybe we'll get somewhere and decide that's where we want to put down roots or maybe we'll decide to start looking internationally (much more plausible if the business takes off!).

I always have a book going or planned in my head, so needless to say the Decade of Exploration will make for a great book!

Things I LOVE....

1. As I've mentioned in many other posts, I LOVE working with my husband. And interestingly enough, we are total opposites, but I know that's what makes us great together. For example, I look over at his desk: Totally spotless. Not a piece of paper. Nothing. A laptop closed neatly. Now look at my desk: Two glasses, one water bottle, one Rt 44 cup from Sonic (that's Sinara's), piles of books (PMBOK 4th Ed, PMBOK Q&As, Our coursebook, workbook, etc), our new PPM calculator in sexy lime green, Brooke's sr. pictures, a box of Christmas cards (because I'm sending Brooke one every day), note paper, stickies, home phone, cell phone, highlighter, picture discs, etc, etc, etc. [Personally, I think this just shows my creative genius at work!]. But bottom line, we're both committed to this business and making it succeed.

2. My niece, Sinara (CC). She seriously ROCKS. I am having so much fun with her and although I'm sad that we've missed the past 15 years together, I'm thrilled about the future. She is just incredible - just like my other three nieces and my three daughters! It must be something good salvaged from this gene pool!

3. My job - I know, I know. I already kinda mentioned it above, but it's just incredible. Yes, there are many, many long days and nights, but it's so worth it.

4. The office phone - like the call I got today from a gentleman in Wisconsin. Registered him and his co-worker for our class in Chicago. LOVE calls like that!

5. Facebook - yeah, it sounds silly, but it's really borne friendships and relationships that didn't exist before and gives me this virtual network of amazing friends!

6. Wii - Totally, 100% addicted. The most incredible invention EVER. I seriously just love everything about it. Playing Mario Kart, boxing, my EA Sports Active trainer.... it's awesome.

7. My puppies.... and yes, I say this with real, legitimate tears. They are such amazing little creatures who love me and trust me completely. It breaks my heart to know that we will have to give them up. I know, deep down, it's the right thing, but that certainly doesn't make it any easier. So far, we haven't found homes for them and I just don't know what to do. It's going to be a tough few months.

And so it begins...

I consider today the beginning of a six-month stretch of craziness. And is it sick that I'm excited about it?? :-)

Here's how the next six months play out:
June: Finish up new revisions to curriculum including customization for our new HUGE client!
July: Santa Ana, Washington DC, Boston, Rhode Island
August: Denver (and Rocky Mountain Nat'l Park backpacking trip!!!), Chicago (for Brooke's graduation), Chicago (PMP class), Scottsdale (PMP class)
September: Santa Ana, Atlanta, Dominican Republic (VACATION!!!)
October: Boston, Paris (MAJOR VACATION!!!!!)
November: Honolulu, Scottsdale (and possibly adding a Denver)
December: Dallas and I'm thinking maybe the last two weeks in Belize?

Last week we picked up two corporate clients that will be using our materials - and this is without any type of advertising or marketing. We haven't even posted that information on our site... in addition, we will be posting our new study aides page up soon. Craziness. But I love every minute of it. I love working with our students and getting them ready for the exam. I love working with my husband. Seriously, I have a dream job.

I find joy in the fact that I'm truly making the most of life - and everything it has to offer. Living my life with passion.... and appreciating every single moment.

Like this past weekend at church. First of all, Pastor Ray ROCKS. There is something so incredibly soothing to the soul to be there, surrounded by love and faith. It makes you realize what truly is important in life. It's not money, it's not possessions, it's not stature. It's love. It's His love.

I like to think I mirror that in our business. We do truly care for our clients, who soon become our friends. We care about their well-being, their success. We want to build them up and make them realize that they can succeed. And we will help them every step of the way.

Pinch me... I must be dreaming

Today is the kind of day you dream about..... you hope for... but you know in reality, life is really not this good. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up at any moment, and yet, my hot flashes tell me I'm awake (because, of course, in good dreams, there are no hot flashes... that's what makes them so good!).

Here's how the day unfolded....

Well, never mind, to truly appreciate the day's events we have to go back in time a bit to the past weekend. Devin and I were looking at class enrollment and trying to decide what was going to happen for us financially. Yes, the business was picking up, but we still didn't have solid enrollment numbers in quite a few of our classes and the clock was ticking. I felt myself teetering on the edge of self-doubt and wondering if we were truly going to make it with this new business.

Now fast-forward to today. We woke up to a call from someone interested in our classes. She was wonderful and I talked her through the application process, our role, our classes, etc. It was just the early morning jump-start I needed.

Downstairs in the office, starting our day, I'm thrilled to see an email come across from a large pharmaceutical company seeking an on-site training program. I'm totally jazzed. I know the pharmaceutical industry and in fact, used to run drug trials for this very same company. They are big, they have lots of project managers, and they have money for training. We set up a call for next Tuesday and if the day ended with that, I would be thrilled. But it got better...

Based on a tip from an instructor who has used our course materials, I reached out to a gentleman that owns a training company. Technically, he is our competitor from a class perspective, but quite honestly, there's enough business to go around. I had sent him information about our courseware and he let me know he was interested and could I send him a copy. He followed that email up with an inquiry if we had any instructors available. Interestingly enough, it was a week I was open. I shot him back a proposal - use our course materials to pilot during that class and I would facilitate it for him at a discounted rate.

We talked on the phone shortly thereafter and hit it off immediately. He was northeast, so that of course helped! He loved our website and our business model. We talked about why we were different, what our philosophy is, etc. and he was sold. So I will piloting our materials in a class for him in a few weeks and then he's looking to switch over to our courseware.

This is a huge victory on a number of fronts. First of all, the materials they currently use come from a company that is run by a guy I don't really respect. He is one of those pompous in-your-face kind of guys and I love that a small mom-and-pop shop like ours is going to beat him out because of QUALITY! Secondly, the income from selling the courseware alone covers all of our expenses. Third, we are only a month into this new segment of business and it's growing so fast.

Now interestingly enough, prior to my conversation with him, I nudged Devin a bit regarding our Paris trip. We are doing a home exchange with a wonderful couple in Paris - and they've had their tickets for awhile. I tell him we really need to get our tickets soon - that's just not one of those trips that we should wait until the last minute. I've been hoping that we could get tickets on United fairly reasonable, because I want the miles to go on my account. Amazingly enough, as I say that to him, I find the lowest tickets on United. He nods, I click. Holy crap - I just bought two tickets to Paris. It's real. It's going to happen. I literally jump up and down in the office, scream, cry, and about pee my pants. I bought tickets to Paris. I'm going to Paris for my 40th birthday. I have dreamed about this since I was a little girl and it's finally happening!

To continue our winning streak, we decide to check out tickets to Dominican Republic. We were "coerced" into another vacation this fall - splitting a timeshare with Telle and Kristin in DR for a week. Unfortunately, the timing was a bit off and we needed a multi-city ticket to fly Phoenix to DR to Boston to Phoenix. At first it looks like it's going to be just shy of $800 each for the multi-leg ticket. Then, as I'm looking at it, a flight comes up from Delta for less than $500. Two trips for under $500 - crazy. We're living large on life, so I book it.

So to summarize the day:
1. Great client call
2. On-site sale to large pharmaceutical company (of which there will be multiple classes)
3. HUGE courseware sale to training company
4. Tickets to Paris
5. Tickets to Dominican Republic

And then to celebrate, we hung out in the pool for a few hours and then topped it off with dinner at Chilis.

Seriously..... is this a dream???

Father's Day...

Father's Day is always interesting for me, and this year is no exception. Since having my girls, I wanted nothing more than for them to have a "good" father. A father who could balance me and provide them with wisdom, guidance, and love. A father that would demonstrate to them exactly the type of man they should seek as their husband. As is typical for me, I was looking for a being that could be placed in a box. "A" father. Singular, not plural. I now realize that (oh God forgive me for quoting a Clinton) it does truly take a village to raise a child and although I was seeking a singular being, they were receiving fatherly influences from many men (and women) in their lives.

Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted at least one of my girls to be a daddy's girl, and through no fault of their own, that just never happened. But they gave it 110% - they played boy sports, they liked boy music, etc. I didn't raise prissy girls! Unfortunately, my girls have had their share of paternal abandonment. However, as I look back over their childhood, although they may never have had one stable father in their lives, they have been blessed with stable relationships with wonderful men from whom they can learn lessons and be thankful for their love.

I would be remiss if my top accolade didn't go to my husband. Here is a young man who stepped up in a way that is almost unheard of in this day and age. Not only did he take on a wife and three children, those children were teen-age girls. Seriously, could there be anything worse? But in a short time, he was able to show them respect, love, discipline, morals, Godliness, and so much more. I will be forever grateful for the role he has played and is playing in their lives. And I pray that when they settle down, they will use him as a role-model and not settle for anything less.

The next award would have to go to my step-father who, although he is not blood, he has been my father since I was six. He was the one who made sure I had clothes on my back, food on the table, and showed me absolutely no mercy after staying out all night partying. He taught me to work hard, to manage my finances well, and to appreciate everything I had. He taught me to take pride in myself and my contributions, and to never, ever rest.

I had an incredible conversation with him tonight, one that I will remember for many years to come. I thanked him for being my "dad" and I told him that blood didn't matter. I thanked him for the years he was there when most people would have turned and run. He opened up to me...expressing his sadness and regret. Wishing that he had been more disciplinary with my brother and less mean to me. He wished he had been one of those top executives with a big paycheck. I told him "no", they are the ones who miss out on the most. I was grateful for who he was and what he gave to us.

Think about this.... I am almost 40. It's been 22 years since his youngest child left, and yet, he still struggles with these thoughts. That struck me as so sad.... and so I did what I could. I thanked him, again. I told him I loved him. I recounted all of the things that I believed he added to my life. I told him of my recent discussion with Devin in which I graded myself on each of the girls. Devin, so wisely, told me that the grades were not mine, rather they were the girls. I raised them all the same and they had the option and opportunity to do with the circumstances what they would like. There was only so much I could control. With my step-dad, there was only so much he could control.

I remember so clearly one act of kindness from him that will be etched in my mind forever. It was the day I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified, and guilt-ridden, and emotionally distraught. My mother would not speak to me. My boyfriend broke up with me. My friends didn't know what to say. And yet my step-dad sat beside me and said "what would you like to do, sweetie". He showed me a kindness and empathy in that moment that no one else around me gave to me. And for that, I will forever be grateful.

And then there's my Dad, my biological father. He's been a point-in-time, a reference, a series of singular events that in reality don't truly add up to fatherhood. But I don't blame him. I love him. Looking back, I think perhaps he did the best he could under the circumstances. There are things that I treasure about him - I love his love for the outdoors, his ability to grow the most amazing gardens, his work ethic that truly defines him. I love his no nonsense approach to life and his keen sensibility that was somehow lacking in the other half of my gene pool. I look at him, all 5' of him, and know that there are so many of my genetic attributes that I can attribute to him: my staggering height, my laugh lines around my eyes, my solid "sturdy Maine stock" legs, and my absolute love for the outdoors, for the water, for everything wild.

I would not trade those things for a million dollars. He created the foundation and my step-father built the walls. I, and I alone, was responsible for the finishing touches, the decorations.

I got a message from my long-lost sister-in-law today, wishing me Happy Father's Day. Acknowledging the fact that as single moms, we play both roles. I can't say I won't always feel bad and feel guilty that I didn't raise the girls with a Dad, yet at the same time I can honestly say I did the best I could and I pray they take, and appreciate, the best from those three strong men mentioned above. Because I know I will always appreciate it....

Strange new life....

I feel as though I've been walking in a fog the past week and the fog is finally starting to dissipate and things are becoming much clearer. I am, after 23 years, officially an empty-nester. And it's amazing the feelings that this pivotal life event evokes. I guess my situation is somewhat unique in that I had my babies when I was a baby. I've never known what it's like to be an adult without having the care of three children. It really doesn't matter how old they are, you are on duty 24/7/365. I told Devin, it's like being told to walk.... and keep walking.... never resting, never taking a break for 23 years straight.

Even when they turn 18, if they still live under your roof and/or are still finishing school, you are bottom line responsible. Did they get up for school this morning? Will they make smart decisions when they are out driving around at night? Are they being responsible with their job and their money?

When you do get a vacation, you're never truly on vacation. In fact, it's almost worse because you are not right there with them, monitoring them. Mommy-worry-mode kicks into high gear. What if there's an emergency and you're not there?

So back to the event that resulted in my empty-nest... Brooke left for the Navy bootcamp this week. It was truly a bitter-sweet moment - perhaps a little more sweet than I would have anticipated. She has been in the delayed entry program for a year, so we've had more than enough time to prepare for this (and we were very supportive of her decision). There were some times during the past year that we thought she'd give up and not go through with it - her biggest concern being leaving her hockey friends. (Ugh.)

I gave her a going-away luau, as is tradition in the family, and unfortunately it worked out that it happened to be the weekend Devin was gone. Interestingly enough, the same thing happened last year during Brandy's luau..... hmmmmmm...... The best part was realizing just how great my friends are - Kim was here (YAY!!) and Telle really stepped in and helped - both from the party / bartender perspective and ultimately providing some emotional support that I so desperately needed by the end of the evening. (Brooke laid some info on me that was pretty tough to take, but that's all that needs to be said. I want it dead and buried!).

Brooke really wanted to see Brandy before she left, so Kim and I decided to forego our previously planned trip and take an overnight road trip to Cali. I'm always up for a road trip, but this one was pretty brutal. After next to no sleep the night before, we were on the road until almost 2 in the morning. We went all day on Monday, and didn't get back home to AZ until close to midnight. Then it was up at 3:30 to bring Kim to the airport.

All in all the trip was good - although I can't say for sure that Brooke enjoyed it - which kind of defeated the purpose of going. But we had fun.... we went to the NEX on base and got some cool Navy stuff, then we drove down to Hollywood and walked around Hollywood Blvd (can honestly say that was a pretty big let down... not what I pictured at all). After lunch at CPK, we went to the beach up by Port Hueneme and checked out the seals and the sea lions. Before we knew it, it was time to get back on the road.

Tuesday was a really rough day with me and Brooke and the worst part was knowing that this was going to be our last day together. But I only saw her for a few minutes and they definitely weren't a good few minutes. So disappointing. By the time we put her on the military bus to the airport on Wednesday, I was done. Completely exhausted - both physically and emotionally.

Back at home, Devin and I got busy cleaning her room and her bathroom. We decided to re-arrange and move her stuff downstairs and make it the guestroom and move the music equipment upstairs and make a music room/lounge. It came out so good! But in all the cleaning and vacuuming we both missed Brooke's "last" call - literally by two minutes. I felt so bad.

The first few days after she left I was on an emotional roller coaster. I was angry that I was given information that made me realize she wasn't the person I thought she was. I felt betrayed, hurt, and stupid. I was deeply saddened that this was how my time with my girls was going to end. I was guilty - feeling like I did something wrong, I was a bad mom. And then I would feel guilty that I was happy to be starting this new chapter of my life with my husband. And then I would miss her terribly and be overcome with worry for her, knowing that the first three days are absolutely brutal at boot camp. I was in my own emotional hell - brought on completely by my own mind.

And then yesterday, I started letting go. I let go of the irrational fears of what her life will become. I let go of the guilt of enjoying our new start. I let go of the blame and anger for myself and the feeling that I failed. I let go of my regrets. I let go of my anger towards her and the people around us that didn't stop things from happening and didn't clue me in. I let go and I prayed. I sought forgiveness and love. I sought peace. And there it was.... peace and love.

I am not angry with her anymore. I am not angry with me anymore. I will always love my children and I will always try to be the best mother, and best role model I can. And most of all, I will continue to truly treasure and enjoy this amazing life I've been blessed with. People can only damage or destroy you emotionally if you let them. I won't let them.

Mean Guy Story II

Now this one really saddens me....

We had a big rush job last week and we sent a number of our course books to be printed at the location where the training was being held (and delivered by another instructor). Unfortunately, we hit a little snag when we learned that the instructor would need to pay for the printing when he picked up the books. I gave Staples my Reward # because we get 10% rebate on printing and for a $600 job, that's a $60 check. We like that. And given that we ultimately were paying for the printing (it was being deducted from the total purchase price), it was our $60.

The middle-man firm contacted me today and gave me the total that they needed to reimburse the instructor: $650. I told them that wasn't correct, I had the total from Staples including tax. They emailed me over the receipt and come to find out the instructor added on another large copy purchase and tried to bill it back to me. To make matters worse, he told them to take off my Rewards number and use his!!!! So over all, he took us for over $100.

But that's not the worse part. When I confronted him about it, he lied. I really don't like liars. I talked to the girl at Staples who rang up the order and she cracked me up. She said that she's a real happy, bubbly person, but he burst her bubble when he came in. Said he was rude and demanding. I guess her manager wanted to schmooze the person responsible for this big order, so she came over to meet him and he was just downright rude to her. Which really bothers me because what if he's like this all the time? And he was using our materials??? Where's the passion, brother?

I want to be able to trust people.... I want to believe they are all good inside. This kind of stuff just makes me sad.

The ironic thing about these two mean guy stories - they both are members of PMI, which means they are required to uphold the ethical and professional standards of PMI, yet both seem somewhat.... what's the word? Snake-y? Slimy? And these are instructors!!! That's what saddens me the most!!!

Hebbel or Hegel? That is the question.... (aka Mean Guy Story I)

So here I am just trying to enjoy my blessings, espouse joy, happiness, peace and love.... and then along comes mean people trying to shake me out of my bubble of happiness. That's just so sad!

I guess that's why people blog, though, right? So I can vent with my keyboard, pretending that no one will ever read it, yet deep down getting significant enjoyment out of the fact that I know someone just might possibly read it! I don't want to be one of those negative people, that the only thing they can talk about is how this is bad and that is bad (ummmm.....yeah... I know quite a few of them!). But at the same time, there is a proven psychological benefit to venting (within reason). See, the actual act of talking (and I do believe typing - although maybe I'm stretching it) releases dopamine. We all know what dopamine is, right? The feel good hormone that opiates actually mimic. That's why therapy and counseling always seem to help. It's not that the therapist gives you any great magical solution, it's that you were able to sit and talk for 60 minutes, not be interrupted, and feel ok in doing so. Notice, they never solve your problem, they just listen and let you talk yourself through it. DOPAMINE! (glad to know my undergraduate degree in Psychology taught me something!)

So here's my dopamine release for the day....

Scenario One:
If you know me at all, there's one word that signifies what I'm all about: PASSION. I love the word, I love what it means, I love what it exemplifies. To me, if you're going to do something, give it all you got and do it with passion. Be committed. Be on-fire. I'm passionate about being a good mom, about being a good wife, about my companies, about my relationships, and most of all, about Him! (Thus the name of my blog: Belinda's Passion... and the name of my companies: Passionate Excellence and Passionate Project Management).

For years, the quote I've loved is Hebbel's quote: Nothing great in this world is accomplished without passion. The first time I saw it it was on a church marquis, and it just stuck. I learned about Hebble - he was a German poet and playwright and had quite a few quote-worthy sayings. So it seemed natural to me to put that quote on our webpages. I want our clients to know we are behind them 110%. We are passionate about their success and will go above and beyond.

Needless to say, I like to leverage technology and always seek to grow, learn, improve. I posted a discussion item on a LinkedIn group for PMP-certified project managers. This means that the members have already passed their exam, thus they are not potential clients of ours. I asked a few questions about how they selected their PMP prep course, what sold them on it, what was most important, etc. so that we could focus our business communications, etc. Most people on LinkedIn are open to sharing insights.

I was completely taken aback when I received an email as a result of that posting. It said:
"I always look for someone with a quote from Hegel (not Hebble) on their home page. Really, you should fix that. JD "

Of course, my first thought was to question myself. Did I really have it wrong all of these years? But, everything I found on the Internet said Hebbel. Now there were a few things that did say Hegel... but majority seems to rule. I sent back a nice reply that Christian Hebbel was the owner of the quote, we liked it and were going to keep it as-is. Was that wrong of me to reply?

So it had me thinking, and I checked out JD's LinkedIn profile. I was shocked to find out that he was a VP of membership for his local Project Management Institute (PMI) chapter. In addition, he's also a PMP instructor. Of course, my mind starts to wander..... and I'm thinking:

• Did he seriously just go to our site to pick it apart and that's what he came up with?
• Why would he take the energy to check a site and then take the time to email us with that comment?
• Is he insecure? Does he think I'm competition? (Duh- that's a PMP group, there are no potential clients on there)
• Why? Why? Why?
• If he had given us some other constructive criticism or responded to the original questions on the posting, I could see it. You know a "PS - your quote is credited to the wrong guy". But to just say it?
• Is he right? Is Hegel the guy and the rest of the Internet is wrong?

I am a big enough woman to admit when I'm wrong, so PLEASE, if you know for sure who said it, please let me know and I will update our site. In the meantime, thank you. I just needed a dopamine release over that situation.

For Brandy....

I've been thinking about our conversation yesterday, and I'm so glad that you opened your heart and were receptive to my words. (and we need to thank Pastor Ray for those words - he ROCKS!) True happiness comes from inside and knowing, trusting, and having faith in the Lord. He is the only sure thing in this world and he loves you no matter what.

As I was driving in this morning, I heard this song and it spoke to my heart. Read the words and let them touch you....

Tenth Avenue North - By Your SideFrom the album Over And Underneath
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child,
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?
Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands, at my side
They swallowed the grave, on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you

A Great Monday!

I'm delivering a PMP course in Phoenix for one of my clients and today was a big day - they have officially switched over to using our course materials. Wow - what an amazing difference. I had one repeat student in there who had taken the PMBOK 3rd Edition course with the other materials (from a well-known training provider - not mentioning any names) and then got to use ours today. He couldn't believe the difference and went on and on about how much better ours were. Especially loved the Quick Reference Study Guide (aka Devin's "brain-baby")

We also got excellent feedback from the instructor who used our materials last week. He gave us the ultimate compliment - said they were even better than Rita's. (for those of you who have any knowledge of PMP training providers - Rita is the tops!).

So I can officially say our course materials are a HUGE success. We've been picked up by the biggest contract training provider firm in the US as their primary PMP curriculum. WOOHOO!

I played around with AdWords tonight in Google, so we've got some ads running. We'll do an analysis of the click pattern on our site to see if it's worth the investment.

For anyone that reads my blog, we would absolutely LOVE feedback on our site - if it piques your interest, what could be better, any and all suggestions are welcome! http://www.passionatepm.com Please let us know what you think!

We know that we win people over once they sign-up, but we want to make an incredible first impression.

Peace!

The woman I want to be

Who knows? Maybe it's the fact that I have a milestone birthday this year... the big 4-0, but I've recently found myself becoming more nostalgic - taking into consideration the breadth and depth of my life and wondering if I'm doing it "right". Now here's the cool thing - I could care less that I'm turning 40, doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I embrace each year as they come, thankful that I have them. To me, another year on this earth signifies survival, strength, more time with my family and friends, more knowledge, more joy.

If I close my eyes and picture the woman I want to be.... picture the photograph of that woman, what I don't see is the typical society-created woman-desperately-trying-to-not-look-her-age. I want to radiate strength, health, and knowledge from the inside out, not vice versa. It appears to me as though many women faced with aging try to fix the outside. Almost like trying to do an extreme makeover on a 60-year-old house.... new siding, new kitchen, update the bathroom fixtures. But, none of that matters if the foundation isn't sound. If love isn't echoed off the walls of the home.

The woman I see in the picture is smiling. Not afraid of the smile (and frown) lines worn into her face. She is outdoors. Not smothered under sun screen but warmed by the sun. Her hair is long even though that's "not appropriate" for someone her age. Maybe in two French braids to keep the hair out of her face. Maybe there's a dash of mascara.... or maybe not. She is smart, she is proud, she is thankful, and she is happy. Her legs hurt from a day of hiking, her back is sore, and yet she smiles.

I am human, I admit, and I struggle with the same insecurities that many women struggle with - my thighs are too big, is that a grey hair? down there? But instead of being insecure, I want to embrace the body God gave me and treat it as though it was His temple. You know what? I'm proud to be sturdy Maine stock. We're rugged. That's just how He made us. My legs will never be small, nor will my butt. But, that's ok - and let me tell you, the butt comes in really handy while backpacking! It's a great shelf for my backpack to rest on!

There's an exercise that I do with the 7 Habits seminar - where I walk the participants through a visualization exercise - visualizing their funeral. What will your family say? your friends? your co-workers? Maybe it's because I had my best friend taken away from me when she was just 21, but I feel like I owe something to the world. As silly as it sounds, I want to make a difference. I want to inspire someone. I want to know that my life contributed to someone else's for the better. There's an awesome song playing on KLOVE right now that reminds me of this - I Want to Leave a Legacy. (I have the lyrics below)

So that will be my challenge in the coming days, months, years or as long as God gives me on this earth... creating my legacy. The mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, teacher that I want to be. I want to be someone my girls are proud to say is their mother, who has inspired them to seek greatness in their lives, who taught them strength, pride, kindness, and compassion. I want my husband to know I loved him fully and truly. I want my friends to know that I was always there for them, if not physically, then emotionally.

And screw the funeral! I want a luau. When He takes me home, I want a party - (yes, you can even have a mai tai!) I want bright colors and music and laughter.

Lyrics from Nichole Nordeman:
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

So much happening!

Life just seems to go by so fast - and if I miss even a few days of blogging, it seems I've missed so much!

So I'll start from today and work backwards a bit. Today was a Mommy-Daughter bonding day with Brooke. After my bike ride this morning (and yes, it felt so good to be back on my bike - 12 miles!!!!), Brooke and I did Jillian Michael's 30-day shred workout. And boy is it a good one! Then we set out to destroy all of our hard work...

We decided to go to Chili's for lunch since Telle was working - I talked him into helping me bartend at Brooke's going away luau next weekend :-) After Chili's, we went to Staples to pick up the latest order of course materials for my class next week - they look so good. My husband is amazing! I'm really looking forward to using them in my class next week, especially after Friday, but I'll get to that in a minute.

Then it was off to the movies - gotta love a matinee! We saw My Life in Ruins, with the lady from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and it was really cute. The best part was that we got there early, so no rushing around, and the theatre was filled with older folks, so there was no cell phones going off, annoying talking/laughing/smirking/etc, etc. It was great... and the movie made us both want to take a girls' trip to Greece! We topped our day off with a stop at Baskin Robbins for a little treat. (calorie-free, of course).

So working in reverse, that leads me to Friday. Really wasn't that great..... actually, it kind of sucked. But it made me really appreciate everything coming up in the future. I was delivering The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for an IT group at a health science university. If you know anything about the 7 Habits, it's very much a personal development program. Yet, the intention of the day long seminar was to teach them to be more effective from a professional perspective. Well, when the extent of the drive of 1/3 of the class was bouncing the stress balls off of each other's heads (and sending them across the room throughout the lecture), neither personal nor professional development entered their thought processes. They were so rude!

I gave 110% throughout the day, trying to relate the 7 Habits back to their jobs whenever I could. I do have an IT background so it's not like I didn't have an understanding of their work, but when you have people who could care less what you're talking about, you're not going to be effective. Which is kind of funny as I write that - here I was teaching them to be Highly Effective and yet I was less than effective. After the very long day, I had a very long drive home... but it was all good. I enjoyed the drive, the views, the music (cranked up Melissa and sang at the top of my lungs). At a few points, I did try to pretend that I was driving a new Jeep - LOL.

And I got the best gift.... the dark clouds that had gathered as I left LA, were transformed into the most amazing sunset as the sun went down in my rear view mirror. The beautiful colors were reflected on the mountains as I drove the desert - shrouded in shades of pink and rose. It was simply breathtaking. And I took that time to drive in silence (yes, Melissa was turned off) and thank God for all of the amazing gifts that he has blessed me with. I thought of my family, my precious daughters, my incredible husband. I thanked him for revealing to me my gifts and talents and allowing me to create an income with those gifts. It was so awesome. How can someone witness a sight like that without knowing there's a God?

On another really cool note, I found, or rather was found, by my long-lost sister-in-law thanks to Facebook. Kristen is the sister of the girls' biological father - the last time I saw or talked to her was 18 years ago. But we picked up like it was yesterday (a big bonus is that she's a Republican and is just as dismayed at what's happening in this country as I am!). It was good for the girls to be able to reconnect to a part of their past, despite the fact that there is no blood (both Kristen and Kirk were adopted). Which just goes to prove that family is not created by genetics, but by the heart and by love.

On a different note, I decided that I want to move to Belize - buy a little beachfront house, snorkel every day, enjoy the island/coast lifestyle. You know, fly back to the states every other month for a few weeks to deliver a class, write my books, treasure every moment with my husband. And property is so reasonable down there - even for beachfront. Make it so!

On the diet/exercise front.... still doing my shakes everyday... still no weight/inch loss. I've tried upping my calories, reducing my calories, increasing my exercise, decreasing my exercise... I know there's plenty of fat that could be melted off.... I just need to figure out the magic formula.

Quick re-cap of the week

Wow! It's been an incredible week- lots of ups and downs.

Most importantly, Brandy's surgery went well, very uneventful according to the doc. She was feeling pretty good until the long-term novacaine wore off and then she was pretty miserable. It was awesome to be able to take care of her for a few days, although I really wish I could have stayed longer. We watched movies and talked about all kinds of stuff (well.... I had to do the talking - LOL).

I was able to get a couple of great workouts in - biked 11+ miles each day on the stationary bike going as fast as possible and then running 3 miles after. I proved I can do it on a treadmill, I just need to figure out how to transfer that ability outside. I'm thinking it's psychological... not sure what the issue is.

On the way home, I stopped at Santa Ana and checked out our hotel that we'll be using for that location - it was INCREDIBLE! Loves the sales director, Kristi, and I'm so excited to have our class there. The remainder of the drive was pretty uneventful and I was able to just enjoy the time and the music and think about life. I once again just realized how incredibly blessed I am to have this amazing life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Back at home, I started yesterday with the best ride yet - 13 miles. It was great and I'm thankful that I can see improvement in my strength and endurance because unfortunately that's the only thing that's changing. After three weeks of training hard and eating right - no slipping up at all, I have lost no inches (oh, 1/4 of an inch on my forearm...good to know), lost 1/2 pound, and still can't fit into my clothes. Am I frustrated? You bet! Everyone says "don't look at the scale" or "sometimes it takes time". Well, I get that.... but 3 weeks? With NO change?

So I need to really figure something out and make some changes because bottom line, I need to get this weight off. I can't afford to go buy a new summer wardrobe and I can't fit into any of my summer clothes. :-( Here's the thing - I have at least 11 pounds to lose. Six of those pounds are what I consider "easy" pounds - usually I eat right or exercise they come off easily. The remaining five pounds are my "hard" pounds - it's really tough to get me under 120. There's no reason in the world I shouldn't be down at least the 6 pounds. I'm not going to change my exercising level, as I have to prepare for the tri, so I have to adjust the nutrition. We'll see what happens.

Now D and I are working under what I consider almost an impossible deadline. We have an emergency rush job for 20 of our books by Monday - so we're working feverishly to get them done. All-nighter tonight, probably. Then it's out to Cali next Thursday to deliver 7 Habits... busy, busy, busy - just the way I like it!

Cali

The trip to Cali was a bit longer than anticipated - closer to nine hours due to an accident on the I-10. For three and a half hours I only managed to go 30 miles... it was tough. Thankfully, I had just stopped for gas, used the restroom, and made my lunch shake, so I was in pretty good condition to sit and wait that long.

Brandy met me at the hotel and the treated me to dinner at Joe's Crab Shack - YUM!!!! After dinner, she took me on a tour of the base and I got to see her room in the barracks - very cozy. (quite interesting - she's on the third floor and I realized as I went up the 3 flights of stairs, that it seemed like nothing at all. A few weeks ago in Santa Ana, I was winded after 2 flights!). After the base we went to her Denny's for dessert (oops) and coffee and just got to visit for awhile. Finally back to the hotel around 10:45. It was such a great evening!

So yesterday's bike ride was a great accomplishment- I finally did more than 11 miles and it was awesome. I finished really strong and had great time. I still have lots of room for improvement, but that makes me just want to try that much harder. Today... not as good. My plan had been to get up at 4 and work out for an hour and a half, but ended up sleeping in a bit too late to do that. So I'll see how Brandy's doing when I get her home from the hospital, and if she's sleeping, I may sneak down to the gym for a workout. I really want to focus on my running this week.

I brought my blender with me and all of my reliv shakes - I made little baggies and marked them all - pretty funny. I think I went a little overboard with the fruit this morning, though. Sue suggested adding frozen fruit to my shake (AWESOME idea!) but I ended up with 3/4 of a picture. Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely delicious - but may be a bit more than I needed! But I'm going to drink it all because I'll be at the hospital for awhile and I'm a little light on calories for the rest of the day. I need to make sure I stay above 1200 so I don't store.

I'll post more later after her surgery - please keep her in your prayers!

YAY! It stopped raining!

Quick post, because I'm running a bit behind...

Very productive day yesterday - finished up the 7 Habits material and sent a test file off to be printed - hopefully can get that today. Picked up working on the PM curriculum and I'm loving the example stories - our company is "Monkey-in-a-Can". Don't ask me what that means! We stopped over to the rental and picked up all the laundry and did it here last night while we were working - much easier with our washer and dryer - so five loads done!

I was slightly tempted to sleep in this morning, but realized I had only a small window to get my ride in. It was a pretty good ride, although for awhile I thought I was lost in Trilogy... I just kept turning onto road after road after road... but I finally made my way out of the maze. Not great time on my ride, but I did just shy of 10 miles.

Now off to church, clean the rental property and then back at work on the materials. At some point definitely need to squeeze in 30-day Shred and Yoga.

Peace!

Need to back track just a bit...

I forgot to write about our wonderful evening the other night. We had a special dinner for Devin's 30th birthday (about time he joins my decade, huh??) on Wednesday night. Sue and Tom, his parents, came over along with Telle and Kristin. I made a pretty simple dinner of lasagna, homemade garlic bread and my favorite yummy salad (red and green lettuce, spinach, dried cranberries, walnuts, feta cheese). I planned my attack out earlier in the day so I wouldn't get sabotaged by the food - decided to have mostly salad and a tiny piece of lasagna, no bread and no dessert. And I even bought some club soda to cut in with the wine to save myself some calories.

It ended up just being a glorious night - I couldn't ask for anything better! We sat out on the patio enjoying the silence of the desert and beauty of the city lights, drinking wine, fellowshipping and just realizing how blessed we all were. At one point in the evening the girls ended up on the lower patio talking girl talk and the boys on the upper patio doing whatever it is that boys do.

I, once again, was reminded how incredible my mother-in-law is. She is such a strong, honest, smart, vibrant, sweet woman. I seriously could not think of one thing to make her any better - and I realize just how blessed I am to have her in my life! (and I'm not even kissing up to her because she doesn't read my blog... that I know of!). It's easy to see why her boys are so wonderful!

Kristin and I had a blast with Sue talking about the guys, our lives, exercising, the perkiness, or lack thereof, of certain body parts! :-) At one point I looked at Kristin, as she was leaning against the outside of the house and realized there was a scorpion right near her head. But she didn't panic - just took my shoe and killed it!

It was a wonderful night and one I hope to repeat many times over!

(Oh - and day 2 of my Shred - did it this morning! Weight is dropping very, very slightly. Another day with no biking - such a bummer. And I have another few days to rest my feet before I start running again.)

10 Weeks and Counting....

I got an email the other day from the sponsors of the Tri - 10 weeks and counting was the subject line. Definitely made my heart jump a bit. Will I be ready??

My training got a little derailed over the past few days... decided on Wednesday that I needed to take at least four days off from running/walking, even with the new shoes, as I suspect some tiny stress fractures in the balls of my feet from running on the old shoes. Instead, I decided that I would focus on my biking and swimming.

But.... that didn't turn out so well because now we are getting rain. Which normally I LOVE, but for biking, not the best. Yesterday was a complete blow-off day, anyway. We had Brooke's graduation and so we were busy all day and part of the busy-ness, unfortunately, was lots of really good "bad" food. The cake was calling my name... I couldn't resist! Although when I decided to have another piece last night as my nightly snack, Devin persuaded me to eat some raw veggies instead. Yum. Not.

Back on the wagon this morning and I decided to commit to actually doing the full 30 Day Shred. It's only 20 minutes and it's only 30 days. I can handle that. No excuses, no skipped days. My goal is to actually do the 20 minute shred and then follow it up with 45 minutes of yoga. Yoga quiets my mind and really helps my back. So that's my new commitment.

Today has been a good productive day of work. I'm still trying to finish up the 7 Habits one-day course material for my June client. Honestly, I'll be really glad to have it done so I can be focusing on the PM classes and designing some new programs.

LinkedIn has turned into a great marketing source for the business. We're getting a lot of hits!

Ok, back to the 7 Habits.... I'm on Habit 3... only four more to go....

Manic Monday

Awesome day, just very, very busy!

I started off the day with a 4+ mile run/walk - doing the 5 minute intervals - the last couple of miles were very uncomfortable because of my darn toes. I really need to get over to the Runner's Den and get a pair of running shoes. (mental note: do that tomorrow while I'm downtown).

I learned a good lesson this morning - normally I get up at 5:30 am and am out the door for run or bike by 5:45. This morning I slept in a bit and didn't leave until almost seven. Given that the highs hit 111 today, by 7:30, it was already cooking out. Thus the value of leaving at 5:30! Don't think I'll make that mistake again!

Came home and did some work on the upcoming class schedule and I have to say I'm thrilled with the way our site is coming out: www.passionatepm.com. Devin has really done a great job (as always!).

We had a meeting over at the Hilton Scottsdale Resort and Villas to tour the facility and discuss holding our Phoenix camps there. It was AMAZING! They were very much aligned with our thinking that clients come first. I expressed that I wanted my students cared for and treated well so they would only need to focus on the class. I'm very confident, after meeting the staff, that they will make sure that it happens. Our first class there will be on 8/31. I can't wait!

They also treated us to lunch at their restaurant - excellent! I even chose well, having an ahi salad.

Back at home to do more work - I was hoping that I'd squeeze in a 30-day Shred, but just ran out of time and energy. D did get my bike computer on, though, so I'm totally stoked to go for a LONG ride tomorrow morning. Still didn't get to the pool for my laps, so hopefully squeeze that in tomorrow, especially since the rest of the week is going to be crazy.

Crossed over to the dark side

I've officially crossed over to the dark side... I'm a cyclist.

Let me start off by saying in the past I've been relatively anti-biker - not necessarily against the people that bike, but the actual act of riding their bike in the road thus creating a traffic hazard gets under my skin.

But now I'm getting it! A couple of things I've realized that I never thought of before....

1. If you are in your car coming up on a biker in the bike lane, if possible, go into the other lane if it's a two or more lane road. Pretty simple thing to do, yet I never did it. First off, what does it hurt? Secondly, why make a situation any more risky than it needs to me. Now I have a feeling that some drivers out there (believe it or not) might want to flex their "muscles" and prove something to the cyclists and show it's THEIR road and not move over a lane. Two words: grow up. At least these people are out there working out versus sitting around and succumbing to our epidemic of laziness and obesity.

2. If you are taking a walk or a jog, please do it on the sidewalk, not in the bike lane. I came upon two people strolling the other day and had to go out around them, in traffic, to get by.

3. If you are cycling, follow the flow of traffic when using the bike lane. This morning, I'm on my way home and caught a little downhill so I was moving pretty fast. And I see this guy cross over on his bike into my bike lane and he kept his head down. Didn't look up once to see me approaching. It was rather like playing a game of chicken except he was blindfolded! I ended up having to go out into the road to avoid being hit by him. It wasn't until I was within a few feet of him that he realized I was there.

4. So I guess that's thought number 4: keep your head up! :-)

Anyway, all seems to be going good on the training. Got my first donation this morning (thank you Heather!!). But the weight thing is another issue. I officially gained two pounds this week and I'm really upset. And I know, muscle weighs more than fat, but I don't think that's what's going on... I think I'm storing. So I'm going to add more fruits, veggies, and lean proteins into the diet to see what happens.

Off to shower and church!

Feel the effects...

New bike route this morning. I went down Vistancia Blvd out to Jomax. Turned around there headed back through Vistancia, turned on Ridgeline, and then went down Sunrise Pt. Ended up being 9.1 miles! The way out to Jomax seemed to go really well - I was trying to stay focused on speed, however, the wind left my sails on the last 5 miles and a few of the hills were tough, but I pedaled on! My legs are definitely more sore than they've been in awhile - and it's an awesome soreness! Still plugging along on the eating plan, although wondering if perhaps I need to adjust my calories. My suspicion is that my body's storing the calories. It's probably in shock from so much activity!

Website is just about done: www.passionatepm.com. Hopefully we can begin enrolling people soon!

Need some new shoes!

Today I decided to focus on running, which is by far my weakest area. I rolled out of bed bright and early at 5:30 am, trying to beat the AZ heat. Stepped on the scale, as I always do, and couldn't help but be very disappointed that I had actually gained weight. I've never worked out this hard AND stuck to an eating plan - so one of two things, either I'm exceeding my calories (which is doubtful) or I'm not eating enough and my body's storing. Now I have to do the dance to find out the magical number of calories. I'm tracking everything on beginnertriathlete.com, so that should help.

But I wasn't going to let the extra pound get me down - LOL - I put on my sneakers and laid out a challenge to myself. I was going to do the entire Discovery Trail here in Vistancia. It's 7 miles round-trip from my house and the best part is that it's almost like being completely surrounded by the desert - they really did a nice job with it. I decided to go with the recommendations from the "Couch 2 5K" and alternated - 5 minutes brisk walking, 5 minutes running. It worked for the first 50 minutes. I felt pretty darn good. But then my feet and my toes got the better of me...again. I definitely think a trip to the Runner's Den is in order for some new running shoes. I didn't let it stop me from finishing the entire trail, although on the way home there was a lot more walking than running.

Just have to say, there's nothing cuter in the world than a rabbit. And thankfully, I saw a ton today, including one little baby bunny that was so tiny - I just wanted to scoop him up and bring him home. At least I was smiling the whole time I was walking! Oh - and learned a great "brisk walking" song - Boot Scootin Boogey! It's perfect.

We got the offices rearranged and merged today so now D and I will both be working out of the downstairs office. I'm hoping this will help our concentration, allow us to be focused on the TON of work we need to get done, and it will definitely make the dogs happy. As I type, Miss Sierra is curled up under my desk at my feet. There's something so awesome about a dog sleeping at your feet! :-)

Letting my lunch digest then off to the pool for my laps!

Not cool...

So given that this is a blog and one of my goals is to be painfully honest.... here is some painful honesty.

I am 39, 5'2" and as of this morning, I weigh 126 pounds. Our scale also tracks body fat percentage and I was absolutely disgusted to learn that my BF% is 33%. 1/3 of my bod is fat!!!!! How does that happen???? Now, interestingly enough, 33% is the lower level of "obese". I guess if that's not a wake-up call, I don't know what is. Lights a little fire under my butt!

I'd like to say my goal weight is 118, but really, it's all about how I look, how I feel, and how my clothes fit me. Hopefully I drop a lot of fat and gain a lot of muscle, so the pounds might not be that important.

Feeling Good!

So after taking a rest day yesterday (and being a little disappointed in myself that I did), I decided to hit it hard today... despite the fact that I stayed up until at least midnight watching the finale of the Biggest Loser (OMG - HELEN????!!!!) I am a little bit in mourning over the fact that my girl, Tara, didn't win. She is truly my hero.

This morning I started with a 7.1 mile bike ride. I did pretty well, although by the end I thought I might do Jillian proud by puking. But I managed to make it home, stomach contents in place. Once home, I drank one of my Innergize drinks from Reliv - a replacement for Gatorade - and I have to say, it really made a big difference. Loved it! And it was enough to get my energy back up, so I decided to go for a speed walk/run. Sierra has been an extremely aggressive and energetic lately - yes, even going so far as to hump her brothers. Yuck. What's up with that?? So Miss Sierra got to go with me.

At first I planned on just walking the route, but instead decided to run on all of the dirt paths and then also set incremental goals along the way - for example, run to the next set of mailboxes, etc. I found myself exceeding my goals and it was amazing! And the beauty of Vistancia in early morning, the abundance of wildlife, hot air balloons taking off, made it amazing. We saw bunnies (which Sierra wanted to track and capture), quail, a roadrunner, and a big, fat rattlesnake sunning himself off the trail. He was much less impressed with us than we were with him.

On the way back to the house, we went through one of the adjoining upscale neighborhoods and it was kinda creepy - a product of the rapid housing market demise here in AZ. Only about 15% of the houses had been built prior to the crash, and just about all of those sit empty with for sale signs. The vacant lots are overgrown with weeds and it eerily resembles a ghost town. To make the image more poignant, a lone, skinny coyote trotted down the road and like the rattle snake, was rather nonplussed to see us. He glanced over his shoulder at us, looking at us as though we were the trespassers - and I guess we were.

Once home, did a little work, had my morning shake, and then did a great upper body weight training. I feel good!! And to really top off the day, shortly after lunch, I'm going to swim my laps again.

I'm very pleased to say that I've "crossed over". You know, the first few days or week that you're working out you can't imagine what could have possibly possessed you to torture your body... but then all of a sudden you cross over. You like the pain, the fatigue, the sweat. You get your high! And that's where I'm at... I can't wait until August!!

Reliv day four

Based on glowing recommendations from Lloyda (and her amazing results) I decided to start using Reliv. Reliv is a series of powdered nutrients, all-natural, that are designed to get you into premium health. My combination shake in the morning includes the base nutrient powder, fiber, a muscle-building/performance powder, and soysentials (for the female symptoms - hopefully will eliminate my hot flashes). At lunch I use the Reliv weight loss shake and some supplements.

The routine is supposed to be a nutrient shake for breakfast, two supplements at 11, weight loss shake at 12, two supplements an hour before dinner and then a sensible dinner. Well, let's see...

I started on Saturday. Got up and had my nutrient shake. CHECK. Took two pills around 10:30. CHECK. Weight loss shake at 11:30. CHECK. And then we did my graduation and everyone wanted to go out to eat after, so ended up eating a turkey burger (with no fries) at 3:00. OOPS. And then had a few munchies at home - steamed carrots, cashews, nothing too sinful.

Day two. Nutrient shake in morning. CHECK. Two pills at 11:00. CHECK. Mother's day dinner at Texas Lone Star. OOPS. (did it sensibly, though. Had a salad.). Then I jumped off a cliff - pizza and beer for dinner. (did it count that I took my two pills an hour before?)

Day three. Perfect all day!!! Shake in morning, two pills, lunch shake, two pills, salad and chicken wrap for dinner!

So far, day four is good - I've had my morning shake. But I didn't get up and cycle because I'm totally cramped up. Assuming it's the Reliv starting to detox my system.

Still having hot flashes although I think maybe they've decreased a little. Nighttime is still unbearable. Happens around 2am - I wake up soaked in sweat, dying of thirst, and turn the air conditioning down to 70. :-(

Oh well, I'm sticking to it. I have lost a couple of pounds, but not sure if it's the Reliv or the working out... or probably both!

82 Days and Counting

82 days until the big event and I've finally started training. I got my bike (thanks to the sweetest mother's day/graduation gift from Brandy) on Saturday and today I was able to get up early, go for a good 5-6 mile ride, do a small run, and then after lunch did my 16 laps up at the lap pool. The tri consists of a 1/2 mile open water swim (equivalent to 16 laps) followed by an 11-mile bike ride, and finished off with a 5k (3 mile) run. It feels so good to be working out consistently again and I'm hoping that my metabolism and body reacts favorably and I can say buh-bye to all of these pesky extra pounds.

It's been a busy week - I had my graduation on Saturday and it was actually pretty cool! Devin and I were selected to be interviewed by a news/camera crew - pretty funny! Brandy came in for the weekend, so it was nice to have her there along with the other two girls and my mom and sister. After the graduation, we went out to a quick lunch and then over to REI for my bike. So exciting!!

Mother's day was somewhat uneventful and I tried not to take it too personally. Brandy and J went to church with us and as always, Pastor Ray was awesome. After church, we met up with Brandy and Brooke for an early lunch. Devin and I had a great talk about expectations on special occasions. I explained that for my entire life, I always made sure to go out of my way on Mother's day and my mom's birthday. Now, we might not be very close, but I do love her and I do respect her. From an early age, I recognized that mother's day was an opportunity to show her my love, gratitude, and respect. I realized that although we didn't get along, she did so much and I know she sacrificed for me. The least I could do was give her one day to show how much I appreciated her. It wasn't done out of a sense of obligation or to prove anything. It was just how it was supposed to be.

On the business side, things are starting to heat up. We've got our classes planned for the rest of the year, the website is almost done, and now we just need to market the heck out of our classes and get people in the seats. This is so exciting!