Desperate Times.....

.... most definitely call for desperate measures.

I only have 45 days before we leave for Hawaii and somehow, during those 45 days, most of which will be spent on the road, I need to make 15 pounds disappear. 15 pounds that are clinging to my body for dear life.

This is not a vanity issue, however, but rather a practical issue. As of today, despite eating less than 1200 calories every day, doing cardio (hiking, biking, walking, running), weight training, AND 5 sessions of Bikram yoga this week, my weight is slowly climbing UP. How is that even possible?? As such, I cannot wear any of my shorts. None. Oh, wait a minute, I have a pair of extra large sofie shorts that I can wear. That ought to look good for a night out on the town in Honolulu.

When the scale started moving in the wrong direction yesterday, I will admit, a wave of utter panic swept over me. Followed by anger. Frustration. Irritation. Jealousy. Did I mention anger??

So tomorrow we move to plan B. The only thing for sure that has worked in the past is keeping my carbs under 20 per day. The reason I was hesitant to use this secret weapon as I was truly hoping for a long term and lasting solution to the ongoing battle with my weight. And I know the low carb thing only can last just so long and the first time I look at a piece of bread, the scale jumps up a few pounds.

But at this point, I'll be hanging in Hawaii in a moo-moo... so no carbs for me. And I'm going to put some trust in my Mio and follow the calorie recommendations it gives me.

The Netherlands

Yep. My job sucks - NOT. Gotta go to The Netherlands to deliver a class (WOOHOO!).

So today we finally started doing some planning around our trip. We will fly out on Saturday morning, September 25th, flying Phoenix to DC to Amsterdam. I was (foolishly) thinking that we would get automatic upgrades to 1st class, like I do on the domestic flights, but not so. But I think we will be fine. We have our two seats together and hopefully we'll sleep on the flight like we did on the way to Paris.

We arrive in Amsterdam on Sunday morning and will take a train from Schiphol airport to Eindhoven. Looks like about a 2-hour trip and the train station is right there at the airport. Nice and easy!

We will be staying at the Eden Crown Hotel Eindhoven which is just down the street from the train station. Monday through Thursday I will deliver class and hopefully enjoy a bit of Eindhoven in the evening.

On Friday we will take the train up to Rotterdam and spend two nights at the Hilton Rotterdam Hotel. There is a walking tour highlighted in our tour book, so something we will most likely do.

From Rotterdam, we will travel by train up to Den Haag. We were able to snag reservations (for a great price) at a little family-owned boutique hotel called The Boulevard, situated right on the ocean. We'll stay in Den Haag for two nights and then make the 30-minute journey, by train, to Amsterdam.

We will wrap up our trip with a 3-night stay in Amsterdam at a little hotel called Hotel Freeland. I tend to be a creature of habit and fail to venture out of my comfort zone when traveling. But I'm trying to change that and challenge myself a bit when we travel and explore smaller hotels, different modes of travel, etc. So I'm really pleased with our hotel choices on this trip!!

Remembering Stacie

Today she should have turned 40. It's hard to imagine or believe.

But to me, she'll forever be 21.

Stacie was taken away from us far too young.... gone in the blink of an eye by the careless act of a drunk driver. The sadness never goes away. Life moves on, people come and go, but no one will ever take her place to me.

I try to picture what she would have been like, what our relationship would have been now. I see her with soft wrinkles on her face, around her eyes. A touch of gray perhaps in her hair. I can still hear her laugh. I like to think of her raising her two daughters she spoke about when we were little girls. I'm sure we would be friends on Facebook. And when I traveled on business, I'd be sure to stop in and visit her, wherever she ended up.

Her memory makes me smile. Picturing her life and all that it could have been gives me a sad satisfaction, a bit of peace.

Normally Kim and I take a pilgrimage up the east coast of Maine, driving down Rt 1, spotting the occasional moose and the all too frequent (and too slow) tourists making their way through the picturesque towns that dot the coast. We would come upon the cemetery, finding her head stone, and sit and talk with her awhile. We'd clean off her grave and sit and marvel at the silence and peace of the location. Tears don't come as frequently, but the pain is not gone. This year, I could not make the trip, but soon I will take that drive once again.

I use her birthday as a reminder. I used to be so angry that I lived and she died. It didn't seem right. It didn't seem fair. She had so much to live for. But now I try to use that anger to motivate me to be a better person. To appreciate every minute I've been given, because it truly is a gift. And just like that, it can be taken away. With no warning.

I love you and miss you Stacie... rest in peace.