Psalm 118:24

"This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24

Believing that every day is a gift from the Lord, I hate the feeling that I may in any way be wasting one minute of one of those days. The new reality of my life, however, has in fact made me re-assess the way I define "wasting" a day.

In the very recent past, I was the kind of person who wouldn't stop, wouldn't slow down. I wanted to see, do, experience anything and everything I could. I loved to work and was blessed with an incredible job. For me, it has never been a problem to work a lot of hours - not because I had to, but because I wanted to. And this drive didn't slow down the personal aspects of my life either. I loved being involved with my girls', going to their activities - hockey games, concerts, etc. Girls' trips with Kim, camping, hiking, you name it. To maximize the hours in my day, I would leave my house at 4:30 am, beat the traffic and go to the gym for at least an hour each day, and then head into the office, often being on the run throughout the day and not getting home until it past dark. Oftentimes, I would take classes at night. I thrived on this type of schedule.

People would ask me how it was I accomplished so much, and I casually joked that was because God only built me to require half the sleep of normal people. Four hours and I was good to go. But even when I would joke about that, deep down I would always remind myself to be thankful for that gift - enjoy that extra productivity I was able to enjoy.

And then that all changed a little over a year ago. I wanted to deny it, pretend nothing was wrong, find an excuse for how tired I was, but it eventually got the better of me. Fatigue, joint pain, cognitive changes - my new reality. It has taken me months to accept it and sometimes I still struggle with accepting it.

I could say that last week was a very hard week, but instead I think about all of the great things that came out of it. I was able to do something I am very passionate about and I loved every minute of it. Instead of 14 to 18 hours of activity, however, it seems my body will only give me 8 or 9 hours and for those 8 or 9, I need at least 16 to 18 to recover. And there's a cumulative toll. I've heard that you can't catch up on sleep, but it seems that my body has pretty much proven that false. Having said that, I will still say it was a GREAT week!

I had a plan for today - clean my house, get my laundry done that had been neglected all week, get my floors washed (yes, still haven't been done since the luau), but a few minutes on my feet and I was wiped out. I was forced onto the couch, seemingly recuperating from the week's activities. I'm hoping tomorrow is a productive day and I'm able to get everything done before heading to the airport to pick up D.

This new reality is sometimes hard, definitely frustrating, and I often feel guilty that I'm not doing things I need to or used to be able to do for my loved ones. But then I recite Psalm 118:24. I rejoice in the day that God has made. I thank Him for all that I have and all that I can do and experience. I am so blessed with my absolutely amazing husband, my daughters, and a career that allows me to meet wonderful people. I know the Lord has big plans for me and He will give me no more crosses than I can bear. When it gets difficult to accept this new reality, I think of Psalm 118:24 and I am glad in this day!