Passion for Life

Desperate Times.....

2010-07-30T22:10:00.001-07:00

.... most definitely call for desperate measures.

I only have 45 days before we leave for Hawaii and somehow, during those 45 days, most of which will be spent on the road, I need to make 15 pounds disappear. 15 pounds that are clinging to my body for dear life.

This is not a vanity issue, however, but rather a practical issue. As of today, despite eating less than 1200 calories every day, doing cardio (hiking, biking, walking, running), weight training, AND 5 sessions of Bikram yoga this week, my weight is slowly climbing UP. How is that even possible?? As such, I cannot wear any of my shorts. None. Oh, wait a minute, I have a pair of extra large sofie shorts that I can wear. That ought to look good for a night out on the town in Honolulu.

When the scale started moving in the wrong direction yesterday, I will admit, a wave of utter panic swept over me. Followed by anger. Frustration. Irritation. Jealousy. Did I mention anger??

So tomorrow we move to plan B. The only thing for sure that has worked in the past is keeping my carbs under 20 per day. The reason I was hesitant to use this secret weapon as I was truly hoping for a long term and lasting solution to the ongoing battle with my weight. And I know the low carb thing only can last just so long and the first time I look at a piece of bread, the scale jumps up a few pounds.

But at this point, I'll be hanging in Hawaii in a moo-moo... so no carbs for me. And I'm going to put some trust in my Mio and follow the calorie recommendations it gives me.

The Netherlands

2010-07-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

Yep. My job sucks - NOT. Gotta go to The Netherlands to deliver a class (WOOHOO!).

So today we finally started doing some planning around our trip. We will fly out on Saturday morning, September 25th, flying Phoenix to DC to Amsterdam. I was (foolishly) thinking that we would get automatic upgrades to 1st class, like I do on the domestic flights, but not so. But I think we will be fine. We have our two seats together and hopefully we'll sleep on the flight like we did on the way to Paris.

We arrive in Amsterdam on Sunday morning and will take a train from Schiphol airport to Eindhoven. Looks like about a 2-hour trip and the train station is right there at the airport. Nice and easy!

We will be staying at the Eden Crown Hotel Eindhoven which is just down the street from the train station. Monday through Thursday I will deliver class and hopefully enjoy a bit of Eindhoven in the evening.

On Friday we will take the train up to Rotterdam and spend two nights at the Hilton Rotterdam Hotel. There is a walking tour highlighted in our tour book, so something we will most likely do.

From Rotterdam, we will travel by train up to Den Haag. We were able to snag reservations (for a great price) at a little family-owned boutique hotel called The Boulevard, situated right on the ocean. We'll stay in Den Haag for two nights and then make the 30-minute journey, by train, to Amsterdam.

We will wrap up our trip with a 3-night stay in Amsterdam at a little hotel called Hotel Freeland. I tend to be a creature of habit and fail to venture out of my comfort zone when traveling. But I'm trying to change that and challenge myself a bit when we travel and explore smaller hotels, different modes of travel, etc. So I'm really pleased with our hotel choices on this trip!!

Remembering Stacie

2010-07-25T21:56:00.000-07:00

Today she should have turned 40. It's hard to imagine or believe.

But to me, she'll forever be 21.

Stacie was taken away from us far too young.... gone in the blink of an eye by the careless act of a drunk driver. The sadness never goes away. Life moves on, people come and go, but no one will ever take her place to me.

I try to picture what she would have been like, what our relationship would have been now. I see her with soft wrinkles on her face, around her eyes. A touch of gray perhaps in her hair. I can still hear her laugh. I like to think of her raising her two daughters she spoke about when we were little girls. I'm sure we would be friends on Facebook. And when I traveled on business, I'd be sure to stop in and visit her, wherever she ended up.

Her memory makes me smile. Picturing her life and all that it could have been gives me a sad satisfaction, a bit of peace.

Normally Kim and I take a pilgrimage up the east coast of Maine, driving down Rt 1, spotting the occasional moose and the all too frequent (and too slow) tourists making their way through the picturesque towns that dot the coast. We would come upon the cemetery, finding her head stone, and sit and talk with her awhile. We'd clean off her grave and sit and marvel at the silence and peace of the location. Tears don't come as frequently, but the pain is not gone. This year, I could not make the trip, but soon I will take that drive once again.

I use her birthday as a reminder. I used to be so angry that I lived and she died. It didn't seem right. It didn't seem fair. She had so much to live for. But now I try to use that anger to motivate me to be a better person. To appreciate every minute I've been given, because it truly is a gift. And just like that, it can be taken away. With no warning.

I love you and miss you Stacie... rest in peace.

This Bikram thing...

2010-06-28T22:23:00.000-07:00

The mind is a powerful thing. And it's amazing what it can do under stressful situations - it's either your best friend or your worse enemy. As Bikram said, it's the difference between being Hitler or being Mother Theresa - all about how you use your mind.

My mind has been on an interesting journey through my Bikram classes. At first, it made me painfully aware of my pear shape and large thighs. It told me I've never been flexible so why in the world would I even try to do these postures? For a number of classes it obsessed over food. What was I going to eat when I got out of class, when was I going to eat, where should I go, how much should I have... food, food, food.... Two classes ago the food thoughts vanished. So did the big thighs. Now my mind is telling me that I'm strong. That I can do it.

And now the best thing it does is actually be quiet.

I have never been able to quiet my mind... to be able to lay still and think of absolutely nothing but breathing is such a beautiful release.

Class tonight was by far one of my best classes. Even though I wasn't totally enthusiastic about going, I'm so glad I did. Limited only by my very sore quad (thanks kickball!), I felt like a superstar.

D and I realized another huge benefit from Bikram - our recovery time from weight lifting is next to nothing. Woohoo - no soreness!

A perfect Sunday...

2010-06-27T23:53:00.000-07:00

Devin being assigned PowerPoint at church is always such a blessing... and a motivator. If not, we would definitely have slept in today, but instead we had the benefit of attending church, chatting with Pastor Ray, singing some great songs (they played all of my favorites today!) and listening to an awesome sermon (as always). Yep. That was where we belonged.

Bikram was good today, and I'm so glad. I have to admit that I was a bit nervous heading back into the Bikram's torture chamber after our very rough class on Friday. But it was good - able to do all the postures and I'm starting to most definitely notice a change in my reflection. Great backbend today and my half moon is most certainly improving.

Weight training went well, and even though it's only our fourth session, it's definitely working - can't wait to see the condition we will be in for our trip to Hawaii in September! (I can't wait...).

D's hockey game tonight topped off with a special treat - ice cream cone from McD's. Yummy!

The challenge of the challenge

2010-06-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

Apparently I'm a little challenge challenged. I had hoped for 23 Bikram classes in 23 days, but that lasted for only four days. We had every intention of going today, well, I did anyway, but the thing with Bikram is that it's not just about surviving the class, it's about the preparation before the class. You can't eat within 3 hours of the class, but you must eat before going. Thus, you have to hit that 3-4 hour window. D and I were so wrapped up with our puzzle (yes! I finally did one of my puzzles) and our movie (Up in the Air), that we forgot to eat. So we ended up spending some time lazing around in the pool. :-( Back to class tomorrow afternoon.

Sue and Tom came over for dinner and of course, it was wonderful! So blessed to have the best in-laws!!

Tomorrow: church, weight training, Bikram, and Devin's hockey game. Should be a fun day!

Fabulous Friday

2010-06-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! Happy to say that I wrapped up another class at school today. The final was tougher than I had anticipated, which is pretty bad, since I anticipated it being tough. Normally I'm great at BS'ing my way through any test. Toss a little logic at the questions and I normally do very well despite minimal studying. Thinking today may have knocked me down a few pegs. Good lesson for me - definitely need to be more engaged in my studies. Hopefully it's enough that I pass the course. Two week siesta before the next class!

I spent the morning studying... between answering emails, checking Facebook, checking out the news headlines. I swear I truly have the attention span of a gnat. I remind myself of Dory. "Hi... I'm Dory...." Just imagine how much more productive I would be if I could just focus on something for more than a minute or two.

Food modification plan is going very well, I'm happy to report. We've come up with a lot of tasty new things in our diet and we're tracking all of our calories, carbs, protein, and fat. I'm definitely not feeling hungry at all or like I'm "dieting". Which is the goal, I suppose. Permanently modify our eating for long-term health and weight loss.

Of course, being a typical American, I crave immediate gratification and the weight loss is never fast enough. But four days of work and 3 pounds gone. Hopefully never to return. I've done Bikram four days in a row and I've been a little bummed out that I can't participate in the 60-day challenge. Birkam recommends that all students, especially beginner students, try to take 60 classes in 60 days. He promises a new mind and body. And I have to agree, just with the dabbling I've done. The mere fact of the strength, willpower, and determination that would be required to get through 60 classes in 60 days is awe-inspiring. How could you not be changed mentally after that. Talk about believing that you can do ANYTHING!

BUT, I think I have at least a partial solution. I probably can't do the full 60-day challenge until December/January but I'm going to try and go every day until we leave for the backpacking trip. This includes my five days up in Seattle with Brooke. Lucky she's totally cool with trying it out and going every day with me. =) (Poor sucker doesn't know what she's in for...)

Have to admit, I had a hard time getting motivated today. I still have yet to just sit still and build a puzzle. But then again, not sure if our card table is any condition to do a puzzle on. We had done three days of weight training, 4 days of Bikram, and 2 kickball games in three days, so I think I was just a bit burnt out. That, and I know I have 2 Netflix movies just begging me to watch them (and did I mention that I have two new puzzles to build??).

But we did it! Got up the determination to go to Bikram tonight. Neither one of us can say it was our best class. As a matter of fact, I can safely say it was probably my worse class. Not sure why - too many workouts, not enough water, psychological failure. Started off pretty good, did my breathing, moved on to half moon - still good, awkward pose - still good, then with standing head to knee I started to feel pretty woozy. And it just got worse. I stumbled through some of the remaining standing series and sought the sweet relief that always comes when we switch to the floor series. But it never really came... As a matter of fact, part way in, I actually started getting the chills. Now how does that happen? 105 degree room, sweating my ass off, and I have chills. Then my brain starts sabotaging me and I start thinking about what bad press it will be for the nice people at the studio if I die in the room. I swear I will never put myself through this again.

But we do survive, despite both having the chills. Some coconut water, talk with our new friends, and we were feeling better before we even left the parking lot. By the time I get home I'm already thinking about how I could possibly do the 60 day challenge... how can I squeeze it in? Insanity.

Signing off for the night.

Thursday already?

2010-06-24T06:32:00.001-07:00

Time is going by way too fast.

After spending an hour scrubbing my card table and chairs (only to realize that they are pretty much ruined - grrrrrrrrr), cooking dinner (yummy - tilapia and sauteed veggies!), and lifting weights for an hour, I didn't get to sleep until almost 11:30. So when the alarm went off at 5:15, my body just couldn't respond.

I finally dragged myself out of bed at 6:15 - gotta have some food on-board before the 9:00 a.m. class. Problem is, you are supposed to stop eating 3 - 4 hours prior to the class. So I had an apple and just trying to chug as much water as possible.

On the docket today:

Bikram
Pool
Strategy meeting on the business
Weight training
Kickball
Movie
oh yeah.... forgot I need to study for my final that's tomorrow. Oops. Gotta squeeze that in there somewhere.

I wish I could figure out how to get more hours in the day!

21-day challenge

2010-06-23T23:01:00.001-07:00

In looking at the calendar, it appeared as though I had six glorious weeks off of teaching. Which to some people might translate to six weeks of vacation, however, that is not really the case. Now I am squeezing in a little bit of vacation, but we have so much to accomplish any time I have a break from travel that I need to be putting 100% effort into the business.

It seemed appropriate, given that I'm going to be home for six weeks, that I throw a good portion of energy into working out. In my mind, I pictured energized days, doing Bikram yoga at least five times a week. But we took it up a notch and D and I decided to do a 21-day challenge. Essentially between now and the time we leave for the Wyoming backpacking trip, we are to eat completely healthy, monitor all of our calories/fat/carbs, etc. AND do some type of significant workouts every day.

Our challenge actually kicked off yesterday. So far, so good. I should hope so given that it's day two. Our menus are planned out, the food is actually delicious, and if we have a problem, it's with not getting enough calories.

Yesterday: 60 minutes of weight training, 90 minutes of Bikram (about a C- performance), some swim time in the pool and then we capped the evening with our first kickball game (YAY!!).
Today: slept in (oops), 90 minutes of Bikram (about a B performance), and then weight training tonight.

I know it sounds silly, but I already feel stronger and maybe there is something to the fact that Bikram makes you crave healthy food.

About Bikram: It's the craziest thing anyone can choose to do. But crazy = amazing results. Bikram (the founder) calls it his "torture chamber". 105 degrees, 40 - 60% humidity, 26 postures, for 90 minutes. You learn phrases from the carefully memorized scripts such as: Japanese ham sandwich, pearl necklace, lock your knees, lock your knees, lock your knees, go back, way back, fall back, more back. And you think constantly that you are insane for even doing it.

But it reminds me of childbirth. Somehow, once you walk out of the studio, you forget the pain (the nausea, the dizziness, the all-over body pain sensations) and you just revel in the major accomplishment you achieved over the last 90 minutes. I really want to do the 60-day challenge (60 classes in 60 days) but my time on the road prevents it. But wherever I can, I will take a class on the road.

It's late - 11:18... and the alarm is set for 5:15 a.m. so I can eat prior to the 9am class. And tomorrow night is our 2nd kickball game - can't wait!

Boston Class Day Two

2010-06-08T03:36:00.000-07:00

My day so far:
Slept amazing... too amazing. Alarm went off at 5:15 (I had glorious plans of getting up early and working on my paper). I shut it off. I woke up at 6:15. Bummer.

Getting ready to head down to the classroom to kick off day two. Class went well yesterday despite the fact that we have people at different levels of readiness. Today is the toughest day, though. Only two lessons but a lot of critical information - including precedence relationships and critical path method.

Had a great time visiting with Kristen last night... so much needed catch-up on all of the events of our lives! =) Happy that she's in class with me this week.

But tonight it's head-down, lots of work.

D and I need to focus on infrastructure over the next six weeks while we have a break from classes. I'm hoping we get a lot done and make the best use of our time. Our goal is to move from being so reactive, to more proactive and controlled with our time.Can't continue to burn the candle from both ends. Quality of our programs is our primary concern!

Oil

2010-06-07T17:50:00.000-07:00

I am seriously and profoundly impacted by the oil spill in the gulf. I look at these animals suffering and I can't even deal with it. My heart hurts... my heart aches... so I decided that since I have the next few weeks off, I want to go help. Who knew they had too many volunteers? So as much as my heart hurts, it rejoices in the fact that there are people out there who care, who give their personal time, their energy into helping something they had absolutely nothing to do with. We are not politicians. We are not oil company benefactors. We are US citizens and we do care.

I guess in the world today we lose sight of these simple things. We are so de-sensitized by the daily injustices in life that we don't fully "get it". And maybe it's wrong that animal suffering catches my eye, my mind and yet all over the globe there is human suffering. But to me life is life. Animal or human. I want to help.

30-Day Challenge

2010-06-06T14:06:00.000-07:00

Inspired by some friends, I have decided to undertake a 30-day blogging challenge. A blog entry for 30 straight days... I guess it will be interesting view into my crazy life.

So day 1. It's Sunday, June 6th and I'm currently writing this from the Hampton Inn - Boston Logan Airport. Arrived about 15 minutes before a hell of a storm broke out - tornado warnings in place. Absolutely crazy weather and ultimately responsible for the very bumpy flight across the country yesterday. From my hotel window, I have a view of the water, peppered with old pylons, most likely remains of a dock many years gone. Across the water is a wind mill... not the nice, antique-y type, but the creepy white kind that they have in California. Not sure why they creep me out so bad, but they do!

Tomorrow I'm kicking off one of our boot camps. Should be a great group - because our classes are always awesome!! (Truly!). Bags are ready for each students, course materials, stress ball, some other goodies, and of course... a good supply of Red Bull.

So tonight my focus is on finishing up a new course module.... I'm thinking of ordering Chinese food in. =)

Did Bikram yoga this morning in Nashua - I'm so addicted. Bummed that I won't get back to class until Friday. So my goal is to hit the gym every morning this week. Must get this weight off!

Slacker!

2010-04-24T08:14:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... totally slacking again!

Well, it's Saturday and the day will be spent working on our new Leadership module. I took my final yesterday for my BU course. Two down, nine to go. Not too bad! I start another one in a few weeks.

Business is picking up like crazy. We have added more training companies to our client list and we are getting great feedback on our materials.

Life for the next six weeks is going to be crazy:

Leave on Tuesday, teaching for the PMI chapter in RI on Wed - Fri
Virtual class the following week
Drive down to Baltimore for a week-long project management fundamentals and leadership class
Drive back up to Boston for an on-site class.
Fly home for 1 day, do laundry, and fly up to Denver for a class.
Home for a week!
Back up to Boston for a class
Drive to Baltimore for another class
... and then home!

I love it!!!!!!

Brooke is getting settled in at Bremerton. A major shock when she learned that her "room" was actually just a bunk on the ship. Definitely is going to take some getting use to.

Rainy Day

2010-02-20T12:39:00.000-08:00

Woke up this morning to rain - I absolutely love it when it rains, although it dashed my hopes of getting in a good bike ride. D and I were lazy all morning, working on our silly farms. But I wanted to stay true to my goals, so I just did my EASports workout. I forgot how much that kicks my butt - especially the jump squats and jump lunges. Ouch!!

Healthy lunch - ham, cheese and the flatbread, heated in the toaster oven. Next up? I'm thinking a good post-rain hike up White Peak. Maybe I can even convince D to go with me and Sierra!

Oh - good news! I met my first week weight loss goal.

And more good news! Brittany got a much-deserved, long-over-due promotion! Woohoo!

Enjoying the desert (really!)

2010-02-19T13:17:00.000-08:00

Ah, this is the time of year that I absolutely love living in AZ. Of course, you will need to remind me of this frequently round about May or so. The temperature is absolutely perfect out - warm during the day and chilly at night. Now that we know for sure we're keeping the house, D and I have a renewed energy towards enhancements and improvements. With no budget, however, we are certainly limited. But we managed to take a lot of joy in just working in the yard yesterday. D focused on trimming the grass (we actually have some) and fixing the drip system and filling in the holes that were dug by our beloved boys. They may be gone, but their damage remains. Still made us miss them terribly. I was assigned bush trimming. Thing is, I tend to get a little carried away and before I know it I have a pile of clippings and some naked little bushes. But they look nice and clean and ready for their spring growth.

Other than the yard, yesterday was fulfilling in that I went shopping and literally bought us a month's worth of healthy meals and snacks. We were on a mission to drain our pantry and freezer and we did pretty good, so it was time to re-stock. We also got our first-run print of our flash-cards - they look AWESOME! Minor mix-up from the printer, but they've got it fixed now.

I'm actually home for the next 6 weeks, possibly. My goal is to spend a good deal of time losing weight and getting in shape. Seems the holiday season, travel, and the grieving process assisted me in putting on 14 pounds since September. That's a hell of a lot of weight. Especially on my 5'2" frame. Yuck. Grossing myself right out. I don't want to go anywhere because I can't fit into my clothes - even my fat clothes!! Who knew that eating like a pig, drinking wine, and not exercising would lead to weight gain???

Simple goal: 7 weeks - 2 pounds per week. This is the perfect time of year to do it. I decided not to do the psycho protein deal. It works but then as soon as my body smells a carb, it goes right back on. So I'm doing the sensible 1200 calories balanced food. Oh, and the pisser? No alcohol. No wine.... And let me tell you, with some of these beautiful sunsets out on our patio, nothing would make it better than a nice glass of wine. Oh well. I'd rather wear my skinny jeans!

The sprint triathlon is in 5 weeks / 2 days. Can I possibly get myself ready in that time?? I feel pretty good about the biking portion, ok about the swim, but horrible about the run. I'm hoping my blog will keep me honest. If I blog every day for the next 5 weeks about how I trained, it should keep me on the straight and narrow, right?

So today's training: Hiked White Peak with Sierra and worked out for an hour on the Wii. Hmmmm.... strangely not looking very "tri" related. Tomorrow I'll start the day with a bike ride and then maybe a run mid-day. The thing is, the girls are competing against me, and even if I don't win, I need to have a strong showing.

Some tips for people watching their calories:

Flatout flatbread is great - 100 cals, multi-grain with flax. You can make wraps or even pizza with it.
I love the veggie straws from Costco. Definitely hits the salty cravings. But watch portion size. I brought the bag home and divied it up into single serve bags that were the right portion.
Jello sugar free - 10 cals and hits the sweet craving
Green tea - we make at least a pitcher a day, if not two. We use 6 green tea bags and two herbal tea like Rasberry Zinger or Orange Spice. Yummy!

On another note, class last week in Phoenix was great - amazing people, as always. We have another three companies interested in our courseware and I have a feeling the self-study program is going to really take off, as well. We have a couple companies interested in on-site programs and a lot of exciting plans for the website.

School is going well - only a couple more weeks and I will have successfully completed my first class!

Please hold on. Please set luggage cart brakes to on.

2010-01-15T11:28:00.000-08:00

Hanging out at one of my favorite airports - SFO. I wonder how many hours I've spent here over the past 10 years. It's nice and clean, laid out well, and there is always great people watching.

As I hoped, I slept in this morning - it was desperately needed. I saw a couple of inspirational stories on the Today show this morning. The first one was about a young lady from the US who had been in Haiti teaching English. She had been trapped by the earthquake and ended up losing her leg. Despite that she had the most beautiful, genuine smile on her face and she stayed focused on the blessings not the tragedy. Just incredible strength, faith, and courage in such a young woman.

The second story was about four young men who decided to create a bucket list and are traveling around the country achieving their top 100 items.

We have so little time on this earth - we should always be in the mode of prioritizing and focusing on the right things. We waste so much time on trivial meaningless activities. I guess it's a little late, but that's my new year's resolution - learning to better focus my time on the things that matter most.

Missing my boys...

2010-01-14T23:35:00.000-08:00

SF class wrapped up today... what a great experience. As always, just incredible people! One student is taking the exam tomorrow at 1. I become very personally involved in their success... I'll be on pins and needles until I get the call from her in the afternoon.

Having a tough time still with the boys being gone. It just hits me like a wave... like a big, drowning wave and it hurts in my heart. I think of laying on the floor next to my Sam Bone, giving him a big hug and snuggling with him. He would come up to me throughout the day in his lazy, slow-paced style and paw at me with a big, heavy foot. I will forever hold the image of him laying in the kitchen, chin up on the divider between the kitchen and family room.

I think of Bangara, that very first night in India. Falling in love with him and knowing in my heart I would bring him home with me, no matter what it took. I think of him flying all that way, wild yet tamed. Unpredictable yet consistent. He would dance when I came home off the road, always happy to see me.

I try to tell myself that I gave them both time. I gave them both love and kindness that they wouldn't have had otherwise. Sam would have died that day, had I not rescued him. Bangara would probably have only lasted a week or two. I gave them a few years and I have absolutely no doubt that they knew every single moment of every day how much I loved them. I was there when they got a 2nd chance and I was there when they took their last breaths. And I just want them back.

Addicted to Chaos

2010-01-13T06:31:00.000-08:00

Today is day 3 of my San Francisco class. I only have two students, but it's so fun! We are in a boardroom and it is definitely very intimate. Because it's just the two of them, we're able to take time on the topics they may struggle with and move at their pace. One is taking her test on Friday and the other would like to take it within the next few weeks - still working on his application. As with all my classes, I end up having great encounters - this was no exception. Both of my students are Christians and we all attend very similar churches. It was great to have spiritual discussion and talk about the challenges of walking the walk in our day to day life. I thank God frequently for the people that He puts in my path!

I am looking forward to heading home on Friday - two weeks is a long time to be away. But I do have to say that it definitely helps the marriage. I miss Devin a lot when I'm on the road and it really makes me appreciate the time we are together. And we are WAY past due for a date night, so it's on this weekend! I can't wait!

And on that note - we make one hell of a team. The craziness has continued and he has stepped up and taken on a huge role in our company. I could not do all this without him. We have a lot of irons in the fire, not to mention the newest course book (which, by the way, is being sent off to print today!!! YAY!!!!).

I'm thrilled to be starting classes at BU today... not sure how I'm going to squeeze any more time out of my day, but I will do it and I will be successful. I think it's important for me to have not only the practical / real world knowledge but also the academic side. And I just love higher education!

So my primary goal is going to be much better time allocation during my day and a better prioritization of what's important. One critical thing? EXERCISE. I cannot believe how much weight I've gained and how quickly it went on. Ah, the beautiful joy of being 5'2", 40 and post-menopausal. (Wow - that makes me sound really freaking old!!!!) Can't have that.

Yummy, yummy vegetables!

2010-01-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

A new year has started and I can honestly say I'm definitely looking forward to it. If the past two weeks are any indication, it's going to be a huge year for us and our business! I guess "doing the right thing" does pay off in the long run. I feel great knowing that we have a growing loyal fan base out there. Although 2009 may have ended on a low note, a wise young woman frequently reminds me, everything happens for a reason. And it seems like we will not only survive, we will thrive.

So to sum up 2009:

Brandy got stationed in CA
We decided to author our own courseware
And got crazier still when we decided to launch an extension to our company - Passionate Project Management
Delivered classes in over a dozen cities
Brooke graduated from high school, boot camp, and got stationed in Pensacola
I got to spend two weeks with my niece, Sinara Dawn :)
I was able to continue the annual ritual of a drive up Route 1 in Maine with Kim, with an incredibly relaxing overnight visit to Camden and a stop in Bucksport to visit with Stacie
FINALLY went to a Red Sox game at Fenway (Thank you Kim!!)
We backpacked RMNP (and I survived a massive gluten OD in the back woods - with very little style, but a lot of humor!!)
We went to the Dominican Republic with K & T - and learned that four friends CAN share a small hotel room... and still be friends.
Devin experienced his first Fryeburg Fair and autumn in New England
We did our first home exchange - to Paris! It was absolutely amazing - a great place to celebrate my 40th birthday!!
We officially welcomed Celia to the Fremouw family (I have the most amazing nieces!)
We made the hardest decision of our lives... and lost our two boys. We will love them forever...
We learned a very hard and painful business lesson.
We celebrated two holidays with no major family drama.... (wow? really???)

I remember last spring thinking how crazy July through October were going to be, with back-to-back trips. Now I realize, that's not crazy, it's just my life. And I wouldn't change it for anything!

I'm in Boston this week - spent the last two days with Kim, went to the Bruins Legends game at Fenway in a snowstorm, and was reminded why I moved to AZ! The snow is beautiful, but can't imagine having to drive in it or shovel it.

Got the call moms always dread - Brandy was in an accident, dumped her bike. Her bike is totaled but we are very grateful that she is alive. She has a lot of road rash and a sprained ankle and sprained knee. Poor kid. Just so happy it wasn't worse.

Class tomorrow here in Boston, off to San Fran on Sunday, Atlanta the following week, and then two back-to-back Phoenix classes. Let the fun begin!!

The straw...

2009-12-19T12:32:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just have one of those days that you think you can't possibly take anything else?

Yeah.... I'm having one of those weeks. Now the good news is that I know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. AND I have faith and trust and I know all things work out as they are supposed to.

Christmas is always a tough time of year for me... no matter how hard I try not to, I relate it to the loss of my best friend, killed by a drunk driver a few days before Christmas. Any magic that existed around the holiday died with her. Add to that the overwhelming sense of loss at the death of our two boys - Sampson and Bangara, an empty-nest, and getting taken for over $12k. Yep. I'm not feeling too merry.

Here's the business deal. I feel the need to put it in writing, because it will make me feel better! :)

We've been working with Intense Schools for the past few months. I will facilitate some of their PMP courses for them and they also have switched over to using our curriculum. For us, this is a huge partnership. To us, it's all about how you treat your clients. For all intents and purposes, it appeared to us as though Intense School really did value their clients and was looking out for their best interest.

Over the past five weeks, I delivered two classes for them - one in Atlanta and one in DC. I was very hesitant to do the one in DC, mainly because of money. I had been asked to do a class that week for IS in San Diego - this would work out well because I could drive and it would save us money. When they switched my class to DC, not only would my travel expenses be a lot greater, they didn't want to pay us for the books. Even after having to pay $800 for a plane ticket, I agreed to do the class due to the future partnership with IS. We felt it was worth the sacrifice.

Long story short, IS is sitting on five invoices, totalling over $12k. On Thursday, I find out from another instructor that Vigilar, the parent company, has closed the doors. Meanwhile, just the day before, I had referred over potential students to IS and received an email thanking me from the director of training. Yet, not surprisingly, as soon as I started asking about the invoices, I get no response. I've tried calling all of the numbers, emailing everyone and we get nothing.

This $12k may mean the difference in us being able to keep our home or not. This $12k is money we worked very hard for and earned every penny. It would be one thing if they just approached us, explained what was going on, and were at least honest. But the truth appears to be that they knew they weren't going to be able to pay us. I since found out that they are still trying to collect money from students, yet the chances they will be able to run classes is pretty slim since they've screwed over all of their instructors.

Ok. I feel slightly better. Makes me really proud of the way we do business. We may struggle to survive, but at least I can sleep at night knowing that we're doing the right thing.

But.... the good news is that this week I'll have all of my girls home and life will go on. Things will get better.

My beliefs

2009-12-11T22:21:00.000-08:00

Ok... so this might cause some upset... BUT... here are my beliefs. In black and white.

1. There is such thing as karma. Do the right thing. ALWAYS. It will come back to you.
2. Christ was here. He died for us. God gave His son for our sins. Of this, I have no doubts.
3. Cheating is the most disgusting act. The only thing worse then men who give in to their lust is the stupid women that do it with a married man. They are lower than the plankton that the pond scum feeds upon.
4. No matter how much we try to give our "lessons learned" to our children, they need to learn it for themselves. All the cruel lessons of life.... There is no "get-out-of-jail-card-free".
5. There is nothing like a best friend. She (or he) is irreplaceable.
6. You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family (0k... I stole that one). And bottom line, there is something about your family that, no matter what, you gotta love. They made you what you are... for better or for worse.
7. Attitude is everything. I have seen a bitter person defeated under the same circumstances that I've seen a strong person suceed. The power is ours.
8. Nobody "owes" us anything. We are here to work hard, earn our keep, and be deserving of what we receive.
9. I like Sarah Palin. I really do. I think she's real. I think she's cool. Hats off to a hockey-mom. It's ok... really.
10. Obama = Hitler. But worse. (Can you say "satan"?) Enough said.
11. As soon as you stop wanting to learn and grow and challenge yourself, you've died.
12. Count your blessings every day. Live each day like it's your last... it might very well be.
13. I believe in the right to bear arms. If my government isn't going to protect me, I'll take care of it.
14. People who steal SUCK.
15. Bitterness and unforgiveness is like cancer. It eats away at your heart and soul.
16. There is nothing more amazing than a dog curled up at the end of your bed.
17. If you don't believe in God, just turn to nature. Marvel at the sunrise, the trout in the stream, the trees reaching to heaven, the smell of pine.
18. Beauty is truly on skin-deep. Look inside to know the soul.
19. Travel. Be open to other cultures, beliefs. If you travel, truly experience the culture. It will be life-changing.
20. God blessed me... truly. I have three amazing daughters, a best friend that I love more than anyone, and a husband that truly loves me. It is my duty, and my honor, to earn those blessings every day from here on out.
21. And... yep... I will beat them all at the sprint triathlon in March. BRING IT ON!

Hard day

2009-12-05T16:41:00.000-08:00

I don't even know where to begin. My heart feels like it is broken into a million pieces. There are only a few times in my life when I have felt pain like this and I could live the rest of my life never feeling it again.

To back-up a little....
We have four dogs - our little malte-poo Baxter who is about to be 10, Bangara who is a street dog from India whom I rescued while I was working in Bangalore, Sampson who just turned 2, rescued from the euthanasia list, and Sierra, also almost 2 who was also on "the list". Last spring we had a horrible episode when through some type of escalation, Bangara turned on little Baxter. He started attacking him and that aroused the pack or fight instinct in Sampson. The attack was brutal and Baxter was lucky to come out alive. He required surgery and multiple stitches.

It was so hard to imagine any of our dogs being aggressive. They are raised like our children, in our home, and spoiled probably way more than my girls were. They were sweet, and loving, and fun. But that day I saw something horrifying.

Since that time, there have been no repeat instances although we have learned to be constantly on edge. We were warned that once dogs exhibit red-zone behavior their potential for re-offense is significantly higher. We protected Baxter, keeping him separate as much as possible.

So last night I get home after being gone a week. Bangara and I have always had a very special bond, from that very first night I found him in Bangalore. One of the things I look forward to most coming home is Bangara's excited little dance and prancing about. Last night was no exception. As Bangara pranced around me excited, Sam decided to join in. Next thing we knew they were in battle. We were able to separate them, settle them down, and once we were certain they were calm, we tried again. The same result, but this time when trying to separate them Devin got bit on his hand and his stomach.

I guess we always knew that it was a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode. We knew the chances were high for recurrence of the aggression, but we just did not want to believe it. We slept with heavy hearts and wanted to believe that it was all a misunderstanding or an isolated incident when we awoke. But it wasn't.

No more than five minutes after getting them up from their crates this morning, they attacked each other again. After a lot of tears, discussion, more tears, and a discussion of our options, we decided the only thing we could do was to put them both down. We discussed trying to find another home for each of them, but chances were they would be aggressive again. We could not live with the thought of a child being injured or attacked. Or another pet. Or a person.

Brittany met us at the vets and Devin and I both stayed with them, one at a time, as they drew their last breaths. We hugged them and pet them and told them over and over how much we loved them. We told them each the story of how we came to rescue them and how much we loved being their mommy and daddy. We told them that we would see them again some day and that it wouldn't hurt. They would just fall asleep. The vet's office was amazing and let us spend time with each of them. They gave them a slight sedative to make sure they were relaxed and unafraid.

I try to look at it as though we gave each them years that neither one of them would have had otherwise. We gave them love and care and attention. We played with them when we were home and missed them when we weren't. And in return I received the most beautiful unconditional love.

But I know it is going to take a very long time for my heart to heal.... and maybe it never will. Each loss I've experienced in my life has taken a few more pieces. Pieces that don't ever seem to be replaced.

Just a little vacation from blogging!

2009-12-04T07:41:00.000-08:00

Oops. If blogging every day of my 40th year was really an important goal for me, I certainly have not demonstrated that. Guess I have a LOT of catching up to do. Here are the highlights of the past three months.

September we started our month+ of travel.

The week of September 7th I delivered PMP training in San Francisco for one of our partner companies. The great thing about doing their classes is that we use MY materials. So much better. I had a great group and ended up becoming good friends in particular with one of the ladies. She is just one of those cool people that love to hang out with and talk to. She was so cool, as a matter of fact, she was able to get Brooke backstage passes to the Journey / Night Ranger concert in Pensacola. Always enlightening when we do classes for other companies to identify the deficiencies... specifically in customer service. Really bothers me when people aren't accurately prepared for the class. My theory... once you get in that class you should worry about nothing other than learning all of the material.

At this time we had already purchased our three-leg flight for the Dominican Republic. We were supposed to go to DR with Telle and Kristin and then fly up to Boston and deliver a PMP class for a local chapter up in New England. A week before we were to leave, the chapter cancelled the class. Can you say "oh shit"? We already had the books, the reservations, etc. We scrambled and were able to successfully pull together a Boston class.

DR was incredible and although we felt terribly guilty that we were taking a vacation under such poor financial conditions, we convinced ourselves that it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, it was super cheap, we couldn't let Telle and Kristin down, on and on. Anything to make ourselves feel better! The resort was beautiful and it was just a truly relaxing, phenomenal trip. It was a little frustrating not having consistent access to WiFi but we managed to get some work done. Devin was a champ and would walk up to the lobby with me twice a day so we could do emails and work on our class enrollment. We met some great people and learned that it is totally possible to spend 8 days in a very small room with another couple and still be friends at the end of the trip!

We flew from DR to Boston and it was so nice to be able to get home during the fall. The leaves were amazing! We picked up Kim and took a drive up through New Hampshire to Fryeburg and finally got to attend the Fryeburg Fair - it's been YEARS!! It was perfect...and it was so awesome to expose Devin to the fair. He got to see the world's largest pig. He can die a happy man now!.

Class went well in Boston but we received the pretty devastating news that the hard drive that crashed was completely unrecoverable. All of our movies, pictures, and worse... our course documents. It was a pretty painful and expensive lesson to just BACK UP YOUR FILES!!! DUH!!! Here it is December and we are still working on recreating our files. Some stuff is just lost forever. :-( Very thankful that I had a copy of our pictures, or at least most of them, on my laptop.

We got back from Boston and had one day to get the house ready from top to bottom for the home exchange. It was a crazy 36 hours and before we knew it, we were sitting on the plane heading to Chicago and then off to Paris. The home exchange was amazing, better than I could have imagined! I'll detail that out in another blog.

We got back to Phoenix on October 27th and real life kicked back in. The following week I did a class in Phoenix and then I was off to Altanta. Atlanta was pretty good with the exception of the last day of class. The parking lot was up on a hill in front of the hotel, with wide concrete steps. I had a little spring in my step that morning - wearing my pin-striped suit, hair done, good make-up - on my way to the office to film some videos for our client. Then BAM. Face-first down on the concrete steps. How embarrassing! Big black egg on my chin. My jaw hurt for a few days. But other than that the pain was more in the humiliation. So much for filming videos!

Home for a week to celebrate Thanksgiving. We decide to do a very small, very quiet Thanksgiving at home. Just the girls. It was heart-breaking, though, that Brooke wasn't able to come home. So strange to have our first big holiday without one of the girls. Brandy was home and Brit came over with Nate... it was a day of eating, wine, and playing games. The surprise of the day was that I won the American Idol singing game. Just messed up. I'm the worse singer in the world!! LOL

This week was DC and I'm now sitting in the gate waiting to go home. I can't wait. And I'll actually be home for awhile!! :-)

RMNP - Part II

2009-08-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

Day two in RMNP and we packed up camp and played some hack (and yes, believe it or not, I actually participated... not well, but who cares?) I can definitely see the appeal now! :-) It was fun and I can just imagine how much more fun it would be with actual coordination!

The hike up to Tonahutu was over 5 miles but with a more gradual ascent than we experienced the day before. I pretty much would try to pick my spot at the back of the pack.... I was very conscious of how slow I was, or at least perceived myself to be. This was a bit unfortunate because I really wanted to experience the hike with Devin, who happened to be one of the fastest ones in the group (something to do with his legs being a foot longer than mine or something).

I was pleasantly surprised to realize that my endurance and strength had greatly improved just since the trip to Blue Ridge.... thank you very much Wii and EA Sports Active! The pack carried well and although I got a bit of a ribbing about how light my pack was in comparison there were two factors that went into it: As far as percentage of body weight, I was up there with everyone else and my pack is just a little ladies pack - only fits so much! :-)

The RMNP Backpacking Trip - Part 1

2009-08-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

After a year of planning, we finally did our backpacking trip in Rocky Mountain National Park. Leading up to the trip I was a bit nervous (re: the hike, altitude, being cool and fitting in - ha ha). I had only done one backpacking trip prior which was our 2-day trip to Blue Ridge Reservoir here in AZ with Telle and Kristin. Not quite the same as 6 days with a group of 10 in RMNP.

The original plan was to rent a couple of bear canisters up in Denver for our food, since they are now required. I was a little hesitant for a couple of reasons - I wanted to make sure the food we were bringing was going to fit into 2 canisters and also, if we're going to be backpacking frequently, perhaps we should just buy a couple. With that thought in mind, Devin didn't reserve our rental canisters. The day before we're flying to Denver, we run to REI to get the canisters. Only problem, they're sold out. They call the Denver REIs - they to are sold out and no rentals available. This is where procrastination really irritates me!

Our food for 6 days...

Starting to panic a bit, we both start calling every possible sporting goods store in the Phoenix area and are told over and over that they are sold out. I finally hit the jackpot at Sports Chalet. A quick stop, and with 2 bear canisters in hand, we finish up our shopping, focusing on food. At home, we planned our meals, laid out everything, and I made a batch of homemade granola bars (YUMMY!). The plan was to cook one dinner for ourselves and two dinners for us and Telle and Kristin. They would cook on the opposite nights. So here was the first challenge - create delicious dinners, not out of a package.

Devin decided on rice, velveeta, bacon bits, spices, Taco Bell fire sauce, packaged chicken, all wrapped in a tortilla. I went a little more ethnic with a recipe for chicken curry. Our first night meal, I used rice, powdered spaghetti sauce mix, velveeta cheese and chicken.... do you see a theme emerging? We decided to go easy on breakfast with oatmeal, and lunches of either snack mixes or Ramen with tuna. All laid out, we packed the canisters and were impressed that it all fit perfectly.

To complicate our preparation, we also needed to pack for our Chicago trip to Brooke's graduation, as we were going to simply touch down in Phoenix long enough to switch out our bags before getting on another flight.

With backpacks all set and everything packed into two hockey bags and our Chicago bags all situated, we were on our way. The flight to Denver was unremarkable although the landing was a bit scary as we bounced wing to wing. Somehow the pilot managed to land on the wheels first. Mike picked us up at the airport and we headed over to his cousin Reuben's house where we were going to meet up with the rest of the group and spend the night. We rendezvoused with Kristin, Telle, Pat, and Kristen at Sports Authority, grabbed fishing poles and a fishing license, and then did a practice run with our tents in Reuben's backyard. Pizza, beer, and some light rain made the night perfect.

The next morning everyone packed up their gear, filled their nalgenes, loaded up packs into Mike's truck and we were off. The ride up to RMNP was beautiful and Mike filled us in on local information, what the roads were like during a snowstorm, etc. We stopped at a spot close to the park, in Grand Lake, to have breakfast at the Bear Cafe. Incredibly local and non-commercialized, the waitress took our order with her baby on her hip. The portions were generous and the food was good. Satisfied, we continued on our journey to the RMNP visitor's center to pick up the permits.

At the trailhead, everyone took their time situating their gear, played a little hackey-sack, took some pictures and then we were ready. The first day we were to hike to Big Meadows. Although only a 1.8 mile hike, we would be adjusting to 50+ pound packs, a significant gain in altitude, and a pretty steep climb.

I decided to start out in my boots, hoping for better luck than I had at Blue Ridge, but probably 1/3 of the way in, I realized it was a no-go and switched over to my sandals. Unfortunately, not quick enough to prevent a loss of 3 toenails and some pretty gnarly blisters. At first the altitude got me. I had a hard time filling my lungs and was disappointed in my ability to keep a quick pace. But after awhile my body started to adjust and I welcomed the burn in my legs, the sweat, and the increased heart rate (must have been my endorphin rush!). The path was beautiful and the air smelled so good. (one of the things I miss most about Maine is that smell....).

After a few hours of pretty strenuous hiking, we arrived at the site which was surprisingly in a big meadow... (hmmmmm wonder why it's called Big Meadow). The actual group campsite was an island of pine trees plopped in the middle of the meadow. A creek that was alive with fish, snaked it's way through the meadow and was a perfect source for water filtering. After pitching camp, we filtered water, did some fishing, and then enjoyed an evening of good food, company, and the famous hooch. Life was good!

My first fish caught at Big Meadows

The plan for the rest of my life...

2009-08-22T08:29:00.000-07:00

I am most decidedly at a significant crossroad in my life - the closing of one very large, sometimes painful, chapter, and the opening of an entirely new and different chapter.

There are four main currents of change at work: first and foremost, after 23 years of being a mom (more than half of my life), my children are now all grown and out of the house. I will always be a mom and very involved with their lives, but it's so different when you have two on different coasts.

The second current of change is our business. Little did I know when I chose to leave my cushy corporate job that my business and professional life would take such an incredible path. While the company is still most definitely in a start-up phase and we've yet to reap any significant financial benefits, there is no doubt about the success that lies so near to us. I believe strongly that we have perfected our business model and it's surprisingly simple: Do the right thing by our clients ALWAYS, go above and beyond, and build our business based on referrals and results. The most beautiful thing about my "job" (other than it doesn't feel like a job) is that it travels with me. This allows us to live anywhere in the country and still be able to work.

The third current of change is the remarkably nostalgic birthday I will be celebrating exactly 8 weeks from today. The big 4-0. Here's the nostalgic piece to me... my assumption going into it is that I have, from that point, lived the majority of my life. I may make it to 80 or beyond, but statistically speaking I have less years ahead of me than behind me. Which, quite honestly, doesn't bother me in the least, however, it does spur me on a bit to maximize all of my remaining days and years. I feel like I'm 18, just smarter and stronger. I love the person I am becoming. I love that I still have a lot of lessons to learn and a lot of growing to do. I love knowing that I have no boundaries and no limits. That, I believe, is the beauty of age! My new motto in life: no more wasted days.

The fourth current of change, although definitely not the least impactful, is my marriage. Although we have been married for two years, this is the first time we are experiencing life alone - just the two of us. My favorite thing is "doing life" with my husband... whether it's working on the business, doing stuff around the house, or shopping at Costco. He is my partner, my best friend, and there is nothing I look forward to more than just continuing to grow our love, our marriage, and our life.

So that leads me to the rather auspicious title of this blog... the plan for the rest of my life. Now don't think that I am so conceited or stupid as to think I can truly plan out my life... that's in God's hands, however, I can plan out my approach to life.

First off, Devin and I have been talking about how interesting and exciting it would be to choose ten destinations around the US and live for one full year in each location. To me, this is an absolute dream. I have the attention span of a gnat and am incredibly restless. The promise of annual change is completely exciting to me. For Devin, who was born and raised here in AZ, I imagine that while exciting, it's somewhat nerve-wracking as well. His entire network is here: friends, family, hockey. I have a virtual network, with most of my friends and family back east, and my girls scattered literally from coast-to-coast.

We fueled our excitement by purchasing a huge wall map of the US and began identifying where we would like to live. After 13 years in the desert, I'm dying for seasons and the ocean, preferably the Atlantic. Never quite warmed up to the Pacific as much. However, we both admit to being somewhat wimpy when it comes to cold and snow. We want to experience both city living and country living.... so here's the final top 10 list, in no particular order:

Savannah, GA
Chicago, IL
Boston, MA (that's my choice! so it only has one star!!)
Seattle, WA
San Francisco, CA
Juneau, AK
Somewhere in Hawaii
Somewhere in PA - preferably a small farm
Southern CA (San Diego-ish)
Denver, CO

Our thought is to start out at the cheapest place to live, which definitely leaves out SF, Hawaii, and Boston. Savannah is a good option or potentially somewhere in the Carolinas.

If things happen they way we think they will, the plan will begin to unfold next Spring. I can't wait! We'll ride out the winter here, which is perfect, and then set off on our decade of exploration! Our goal is to live light, slim down, be portable and rent in each location. And we'll just see how it goes. Maybe we'll get somewhere and decide that's where we want to put down roots or maybe we'll decide to start looking internationally (much more plausible if the business takes off!).

I always have a book going or planned in my head, so needless to say the Decade of Exploration will make for a great book!

Things I LOVE....

2009-07-03T19:58:00.000-07:00

1. As I've mentioned in many other posts, I LOVE working with my husband. And interestingly enough, we are total opposites, but I know that's what makes us great together. For example, I look over at his desk: Totally spotless. Not a piece of paper. Nothing. A laptop closed neatly. Now look at my desk: Two glasses, one water bottle, one Rt 44 cup from Sonic (that's Sinara's), piles of books (PMBOK 4th Ed, PMBOK Q&As, Our coursebook, workbook, etc), our new PPM calculator in sexy lime green, Brooke's sr. pictures, a box of Christmas cards (because I'm sending Brooke one every day), note paper, stickies, home phone, cell phone, highlighter, picture discs, etc, etc, etc. [Personally, I think this just shows my creative genius at work!]. But bottom line, we're both committed to this business and making it succeed.

2. My niece, Sinara (CC). She seriously ROCKS. I am having so much fun with her and although I'm sad that we've missed the past 15 years together, I'm thrilled about the future. She is just incredible - just like my other three nieces and my three daughters! It must be something good salvaged from this gene pool!

3. My job - I know, I know. I already kinda mentioned it above, but it's just incredible. Yes, there are many, many long days and nights, but it's so worth it.

4. The office phone - like the call I got today from a gentleman in Wisconsin. Registered him and his co-worker for our class in Chicago. LOVE calls like that!

5. Facebook - yeah, it sounds silly, but it's really borne friendships and relationships that didn't exist before and gives me this virtual network of amazing friends!

6. Wii - Totally, 100% addicted. The most incredible invention EVER. I seriously just love everything about it. Playing Mario Kart, boxing, my EA Sports Active trainer.... it's awesome.

7. My puppies.... and yes, I say this with real, legitimate tears. They are such amazing little creatures who love me and trust me completely. It breaks my heart to know that we will have to give them up. I know, deep down, it's the right thing, but that certainly doesn't make it any easier. So far, we haven't found homes for them and I just don't know what to do. It's going to be a tough few months.

And so it begins...

2009-06-29T20:51:00.001-07:00

I consider today the beginning of a six-month stretch of craziness. And is it sick that I'm excited about it?? :-)

Here's how the next six months play out:
June: Finish up new revisions to curriculum including customization for our new HUGE client!
July: Santa Ana, Washington DC, Boston, Rhode Island
August: Denver (and Rocky Mountain Nat'l Park backpacking trip!!!), Chicago (for Brooke's graduation), Chicago (PMP class), Scottsdale (PMP class)
September: Santa Ana, Atlanta, Dominican Republic (VACATION!!!)
October: Boston, Paris (MAJOR VACATION!!!!!)
November: Honolulu, Scottsdale (and possibly adding a Denver)
December: Dallas and I'm thinking maybe the last two weeks in Belize?

Last week we picked up two corporate clients that will be using our materials - and this is without any type of advertising or marketing. We haven't even posted that information on our site... in addition, we will be posting our new study aides page up soon. Craziness. But I love every minute of it. I love working with our students and getting them ready for the exam. I love working with my husband. Seriously, I have a dream job.

I find joy in the fact that I'm truly making the most of life - and everything it has to offer. Living my life with passion.... and appreciating every single moment.

Like this past weekend at church. First of all, Pastor Ray ROCKS. There is something so incredibly soothing to the soul to be there, surrounded by love and faith. It makes you realize what truly is important in life. It's not money, it's not possessions, it's not stature. It's love. It's His love.

I like to think I mirror that in our business. We do truly care for our clients, who soon become our friends. We care about their well-being, their success. We want to build them up and make them realize that they can succeed. And we will help them every step of the way.

Pinch me... I must be dreaming

2009-06-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today is the kind of day you dream about..... you hope for... but you know in reality, life is really not this good. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up at any moment, and yet, my hot flashes tell me I'm awake (because, of course, in good dreams, there are no hot flashes... that's what makes them so good!).

Here's how the day unfolded....

Well, never mind, to truly appreciate the day's events we have to go back in time a bit to the past weekend. Devin and I were looking at class enrollment and trying to decide what was going to happen for us financially. Yes, the business was picking up, but we still didn't have solid enrollment numbers in quite a few of our classes and the clock was ticking. I felt myself teetering on the edge of self-doubt and wondering if we were truly going to make it with this new business.

Now fast-forward to today. We woke up to a call from someone interested in our classes. She was wonderful and I talked her through the application process, our role, our classes, etc. It was just the early morning jump-start I needed.

Downstairs in the office, starting our day, I'm thrilled to see an email come across from a large pharmaceutical company seeking an on-site training program. I'm totally jazzed. I know the pharmaceutical industry and in fact, used to run drug trials for this very same company. They are big, they have lots of project managers, and they have money for training. We set up a call for next Tuesday and if the day ended with that, I would be thrilled. But it got better...

Based on a tip from an instructor who has used our course materials, I reached out to a gentleman that owns a training company. Technically, he is our competitor from a class perspective, but quite honestly, there's enough business to go around. I had sent him information about our courseware and he let me know he was interested and could I send him a copy. He followed that email up with an inquiry if we had any instructors available. Interestingly enough, it was a week I was open. I shot him back a proposal - use our course materials to pilot during that class and I would facilitate it for him at a discounted rate.

We talked on the phone shortly thereafter and hit it off immediately. He was northeast, so that of course helped! He loved our website and our business model. We talked about why we were different, what our philosophy is, etc. and he was sold. So I will piloting our materials in a class for him in a few weeks and then he's looking to switch over to our courseware.

This is a huge victory on a number of fronts. First of all, the materials they currently use come from a company that is run by a guy I don't really respect. He is one of those pompous in-your-face kind of guys and I love that a small mom-and-pop shop like ours is going to beat him out because of QUALITY! Secondly, the income from selling the courseware alone covers all of our expenses. Third, we are only a month into this new segment of business and it's growing so fast.

Now interestingly enough, prior to my conversation with him, I nudged Devin a bit regarding our Paris trip. We are doing a home exchange with a wonderful couple in Paris - and they've had their tickets for awhile. I tell him we really need to get our tickets soon - that's just not one of those trips that we should wait until the last minute. I've been hoping that we could get tickets on United fairly reasonable, because I want the miles to go on my account. Amazingly enough, as I say that to him, I find the lowest tickets on United. He nods, I click. Holy crap - I just bought two tickets to Paris. It's real. It's going to happen. I literally jump up and down in the office, scream, cry, and about pee my pants. I bought tickets to Paris. I'm going to Paris for my 40th birthday. I have dreamed about this since I was a little girl and it's finally happening!

To continue our winning streak, we decide to check out tickets to Dominican Republic. We were "coerced" into another vacation this fall - splitting a timeshare with Telle and Kristin in DR for a week. Unfortunately, the timing was a bit off and we needed a multi-city ticket to fly Phoenix to DR to Boston to Phoenix. At first it looks like it's going to be just shy of $800 each for the multi-leg ticket. Then, as I'm looking at it, a flight comes up from Delta for less than $500. Two trips for under $500 - crazy. We're living large on life, so I book it.

So to summarize the day:
1. Great client call
2. On-site sale to large pharmaceutical company (of which there will be multiple classes)
3. HUGE courseware sale to training company
4. Tickets to Paris
5. Tickets to Dominican Republic

And then to celebrate, we hung out in the pool for a few hours and then topped it off with dinner at Chilis.

Seriously..... is this a dream???

Father's Day...

2009-06-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

Father's Day is always interesting for me, and this year is no exception. Since having my girls, I wanted nothing more than for them to have a "good" father. A father who could balance me and provide them with wisdom, guidance, and love. A father that would demonstrate to them exactly the type of man they should seek as their husband. As is typical for me, I was looking for a being that could be placed in a box. "A" father. Singular, not plural. I now realize that (oh God forgive me for quoting a Clinton) it does truly take a village to raise a child and although I was seeking a singular being, they were receiving fatherly influences from many men (and women) in their lives.

Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted at least one of my girls to be a daddy's girl, and through no fault of their own, that just never happened. But they gave it 110% - they played boy sports, they liked boy music, etc. I didn't raise prissy girls! Unfortunately, my girls have had their share of paternal abandonment. However, as I look back over their childhood, although they may never have had one stable father in their lives, they have been blessed with stable relationships with wonderful men from whom they can learn lessons and be thankful for their love.

I would be remiss if my top accolade didn't go to my husband. Here is a young man who stepped up in a way that is almost unheard of in this day and age. Not only did he take on a wife and three children, those children were teen-age girls. Seriously, could there be anything worse? But in a short time, he was able to show them respect, love, discipline, morals, Godliness, and so much more. I will be forever grateful for the role he has played and is playing in their lives. And I pray that when they settle down, they will use him as a role-model and not settle for anything less.

The next award would have to go to my step-father who, although he is not blood, he has been my father since I was six. He was the one who made sure I had clothes on my back, food on the table, and showed me absolutely no mercy after staying out all night partying. He taught me to work hard, to manage my finances well, and to appreciate everything I had. He taught me to take pride in myself and my contributions, and to never, ever rest.

I had an incredible conversation with him tonight, one that I will remember for many years to come. I thanked him for being my "dad" and I told him that blood didn't matter. I thanked him for the years he was there when most people would have turned and run. He opened up to me...expressing his sadness and regret. Wishing that he had been more disciplinary with my brother and less mean to me. He wished he had been one of those top executives with a big paycheck. I told him "no", they are the ones who miss out on the most. I was grateful for who he was and what he gave to us.

Think about this.... I am almost 40. It's been 22 years since his youngest child left, and yet, he still struggles with these thoughts. That struck me as so sad.... and so I did what I could. I thanked him, again. I told him I loved him. I recounted all of the things that I believed he added to my life. I told him of my recent discussion with Devin in which I graded myself on each of the girls. Devin, so wisely, told me that the grades were not mine, rather they were the girls. I raised them all the same and they had the option and opportunity to do with the circumstances what they would like. There was only so much I could control. With my step-dad, there was only so much he could control.

I remember so clearly one act of kindness from him that will be etched in my mind forever. It was the day I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified, and guilt-ridden, and emotionally distraught. My mother would not speak to me. My boyfriend broke up with me. My friends didn't know what to say. And yet my step-dad sat beside me and said "what would you like to do, sweetie". He showed me a kindness and empathy in that moment that no one else around me gave to me. And for that, I will forever be grateful.

And then there's my Dad, my biological father. He's been a point-in-time, a reference, a series of singular events that in reality don't truly add up to fatherhood. But I don't blame him. I love him. Looking back, I think perhaps he did the best he could under the circumstances. There are things that I treasure about him - I love his love for the outdoors, his ability to grow the most amazing gardens, his work ethic that truly defines him. I love his no nonsense approach to life and his keen sensibility that was somehow lacking in the other half of my gene pool. I look at him, all 5' of him, and know that there are so many of my genetic attributes that I can attribute to him: my staggering height, my laugh lines around my eyes, my solid "sturdy Maine stock" legs, and my absolute love for the outdoors, for the water, for everything wild.

I would not trade those things for a million dollars. He created the foundation and my step-father built the walls. I, and I alone, was responsible for the finishing touches, the decorations.

I got a message from my long-lost sister-in-law today, wishing me Happy Father's Day. Acknowledging the fact that as single moms, we play both roles. I can't say I won't always feel bad and feel guilty that I didn't raise the girls with a Dad, yet at the same time I can honestly say I did the best I could and I pray they take, and appreciate, the best from those three strong men mentioned above. Because I know I will always appreciate it....

Strange new life....

2009-06-20T09:33:00.001-07:00

I feel as though I've been walking in a fog the past week and the fog is finally starting to dissipate and things are becoming much clearer. I am, after 23 years, officially an empty-nester. And it's amazing the feelings that this pivotal life event evokes. I guess my situation is somewhat unique in that I had my babies when I was a baby. I've never known what it's like to be an adult without having the care of three children. It really doesn't matter how old they are, you are on duty 24/7/365. I told Devin, it's like being told to walk.... and keep walking.... never resting, never taking a break for 23 years straight.

Even when they turn 18, if they still live under your roof and/or are still finishing school, you are bottom line responsible. Did they get up for school this morning? Will they make smart decisions when they are out driving around at night? Are they being responsible with their job and their money?

When you do get a vacation, you're never truly on vacation. In fact, it's almost worse because you are not right there with them, monitoring them. Mommy-worry-mode kicks into high gear. What if there's an emergency and you're not there?

So back to the event that resulted in my empty-nest... Brooke left for the Navy bootcamp this week. It was truly a bitter-sweet moment - perhaps a little more sweet than I would have anticipated. She has been in the delayed entry program for a year, so we've had more than enough time to prepare for this (and we were very supportive of her decision). There were some times during the past year that we thought she'd give up and not go through with it - her biggest concern being leaving her hockey friends. (Ugh.)

I gave her a going-away luau, as is tradition in the family, and unfortunately it worked out that it happened to be the weekend Devin was gone. Interestingly enough, the same thing happened last year during Brandy's luau..... hmmmmmm...... The best part was realizing just how great my friends are - Kim was here (YAY!!) and Telle really stepped in and helped - both from the party / bartender perspective and ultimately providing some emotional support that I so desperately needed by the end of the evening. (Brooke laid some info on me that was pretty tough to take, but that's all that needs to be said. I want it dead and buried!).

Brooke really wanted to see Brandy before she left, so Kim and I decided to forego our previously planned trip and take an overnight road trip to Cali. I'm always up for a road trip, but this one was pretty brutal. After next to no sleep the night before, we were on the road until almost 2 in the morning. We went all day on Monday, and didn't get back home to AZ until close to midnight. Then it was up at 3:30 to bring Kim to the airport.

All in all the trip was good - although I can't say for sure that Brooke enjoyed it - which kind of defeated the purpose of going. But we had fun.... we went to the NEX on base and got some cool Navy stuff, then we drove down to Hollywood and walked around Hollywood Blvd (can honestly say that was a pretty big let down... not what I pictured at all). After lunch at CPK, we went to the beach up by Port Hueneme and checked out the seals and the sea lions. Before we knew it, it was time to get back on the road.

Tuesday was a really rough day with me and Brooke and the worst part was knowing that this was going to be our last day together. But I only saw her for a few minutes and they definitely weren't a good few minutes. So disappointing. By the time we put her on the military bus to the airport on Wednesday, I was done. Completely exhausted - both physically and emotionally.

Back at home, Devin and I got busy cleaning her room and her bathroom. We decided to re-arrange and move her stuff downstairs and make it the guestroom and move the music equipment upstairs and make a music room/lounge. It came out so good! But in all the cleaning and vacuuming we both missed Brooke's "last" call - literally by two minutes. I felt so bad.

The first few days after she left I was on an emotional roller coaster. I was angry that I was given information that made me realize she wasn't the person I thought she was. I felt betrayed, hurt, and stupid. I was deeply saddened that this was how my time with my girls was going to end. I was guilty - feeling like I did something wrong, I was a bad mom. And then I would feel guilty that I was happy to be starting this new chapter of my life with my husband. And then I would miss her terribly and be overcome with worry for her, knowing that the first three days are absolutely brutal at boot camp. I was in my own emotional hell - brought on completely by my own mind.

And then yesterday, I started letting go. I let go of the irrational fears of what her life will become. I let go of the guilt of enjoying our new start. I let go of the blame and anger for myself and the feeling that I failed. I let go of my regrets. I let go of my anger towards her and the people around us that didn't stop things from happening and didn't clue me in. I let go and I prayed. I sought forgiveness and love. I sought peace. And there it was.... peace and love.

I am not angry with her anymore. I am not angry with me anymore. I will always love my children and I will always try to be the best mother, and best role model I can. And most of all, I will continue to truly treasure and enjoy this amazing life I've been blessed with. People can only damage or destroy you emotionally if you let them. I won't let them.

Mean Guy Story II

2009-06-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

Now this one really saddens me....

We had a big rush job last week and we sent a number of our course books to be printed at the location where the training was being held (and delivered by another instructor). Unfortunately, we hit a little snag when we learned that the instructor would need to pay for the printing when he picked up the books. I gave Staples my Reward # because we get 10% rebate on printing and for a $600 job, that's a $60 check. We like that. And given that we ultimately were paying for the printing (it was being deducted from the total purchase price), it was our $60.

The middle-man firm contacted me today and gave me the total that they needed to reimburse the instructor: $650. I told them that wasn't correct, I had the total from Staples including tax. They emailed me over the receipt and come to find out the instructor added on another large copy purchase and tried to bill it back to me. To make matters worse, he told them to take off my Rewards number and use his!!!! So over all, he took us for over $100.

But that's not the worse part. When I confronted him about it, he lied. I really don't like liars. I talked to the girl at Staples who rang up the order and she cracked me up. She said that she's a real happy, bubbly person, but he burst her bubble when he came in. Said he was rude and demanding. I guess her manager wanted to schmooze the person responsible for this big order, so she came over to meet him and he was just downright rude to her. Which really bothers me because what if he's like this all the time? And he was using our materials??? Where's the passion, brother?

I want to be able to trust people.... I want to believe they are all good inside. This kind of stuff just makes me sad.

The ironic thing about these two mean guy stories - they both are members of PMI, which means they are required to uphold the ethical and professional standards of PMI, yet both seem somewhat.... what's the word? Snake-y? Slimy? And these are instructors!!! That's what saddens me the most!!!

Hebbel or Hegel? That is the question.... (aka Mean Guy Story I)

2009-06-10T19:54:00.001-07:00

So here I am just trying to enjoy my blessings, espouse joy, happiness, peace and love.... and then along comes mean people trying to shake me out of my bubble of happiness. That's just so sad!

I guess that's why people blog, though, right? So I can vent with my keyboard, pretending that no one will ever read it, yet deep down getting significant enjoyment out of the fact that I know someone just might possibly read it! I don't want to be one of those negative people, that the only thing they can talk about is how this is bad and that is bad (ummmm.....yeah... I know quite a few of them!). But at the same time, there is a proven psychological benefit to venting (within reason). See, the actual act of talking (and I do believe typing - although maybe I'm stretching it) releases dopamine. We all know what dopamine is, right? The feel good hormone that opiates actually mimic. That's why therapy and counseling always seem to help. It's not that the therapist gives you any great magical solution, it's that you were able to sit and talk for 60 minutes, not be interrupted, and feel ok in doing so. Notice, they never solve your problem, they just listen and let you talk yourself through it. DOPAMINE! (glad to know my undergraduate degree in Psychology taught me something!)

So here's my dopamine release for the day....

Scenario One:
If you know me at all, there's one word that signifies what I'm all about: PASSION. I love the word, I love what it means, I love what it exemplifies. To me, if you're going to do something, give it all you got and do it with passion. Be committed. Be on-fire. I'm passionate about being a good mom, about being a good wife, about my companies, about my relationships, and most of all, about Him! (Thus the name of my blog: Belinda's Passion... and the name of my companies: Passionate Excellence and Passionate Project Management).

For years, the quote I've loved is Hebbel's quote: Nothing great in this world is accomplished without passion. The first time I saw it it was on a church marquis, and it just stuck. I learned about Hebble - he was a German poet and playwright and had quite a few quote-worthy sayings. So it seemed natural to me to put that quote on our webpages. I want our clients to know we are behind them 110%. We are passionate about their success and will go above and beyond.

Needless to say, I like to leverage technology and always seek to grow, learn, improve. I posted a discussion item on a LinkedIn group for PMP-certified project managers. This means that the members have already passed their exam, thus they are not potential clients of ours. I asked a few questions about how they selected their PMP prep course, what sold them on it, what was most important, etc. so that we could focus our business communications, etc. Most people on LinkedIn are open to sharing insights.

I was completely taken aback when I received an email as a result of that posting. It said:
"I always look for someone with a quote from Hegel (not Hebble) on their home page. Really, you should fix that. JD "

Of course, my first thought was to question myself. Did I really have it wrong all of these years? But, everything I found on the Internet said Hebbel. Now there were a few things that did say Hegel... but majority seems to rule. I sent back a nice reply that Christian Hebbel was the owner of the quote, we liked it and were going to keep it as-is. Was that wrong of me to reply?

So it had me thinking, and I checked out JD's LinkedIn profile. I was shocked to find out that he was a VP of membership for his local Project Management Institute (PMI) chapter. In addition, he's also a PMP instructor. Of course, my mind starts to wander..... and I'm thinking:

Did he seriously just go to our site to pick it apart and that's what he came up with?
Why would he take the energy to check a site and then take the time to email us with that comment?
Is he insecure? Does he think I'm competition? (Duh- that's a PMP group, there are no potential clients on there)
Why? Why? Why?
If he had given us some other constructive criticism or responded to the original questions on the posting, I could see it. You know a "PS - your quote is credited to the wrong guy". But to just say it?
Is he right? Is Hegel the guy and the rest of the Internet is wrong?

I am a big enough woman to admit when I'm wrong, so PLEASE, if you know for sure who said it, please let me know and I will update our site. In the meantime, thank you. I just needed a dopamine release over that situation.

For Brandy....

2009-06-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about our conversation yesterday, and I'm so glad that you opened your heart and were receptive to my words. (and we need to thank Pastor Ray for those words - he ROCKS!) True happiness comes from inside and knowing, trusting, and having faith in the Lord. He is the only sure thing in this world and he loves you no matter what.

As I was driving in this morning, I heard this song and it spoke to my heart. Read the words and let them touch you....

Tenth Avenue North - By Your SideFrom the album Over And Underneath
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching?
As if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child,
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?
Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands, at my side
They swallowed the grave, on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
And I, I love you
And I want you to know
That I, I'll love you

A Great Monday!

2009-06-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm delivering a PMP course in Phoenix for one of my clients and today was a big day - they have officially switched over to using our course materials. Wow - what an amazing difference. I had one repeat student in there who had taken the PMBOK 3rd Edition course with the other materials (from a well-known training provider - not mentioning any names) and then got to use ours today. He couldn't believe the difference and went on and on about how much better ours were. Especially loved the Quick Reference Study Guide (aka Devin's "brain-baby")

We also got excellent feedback from the instructor who used our materials last week. He gave us the ultimate compliment - said they were even better than Rita's. (for those of you who have any knowledge of PMP training providers - Rita is the tops!).

So I can officially say our course materials are a HUGE success. We've been picked up by the biggest contract training provider firm in the US as their primary PMP curriculum. WOOHOO!

I played around with AdWords tonight in Google, so we've got some ads running. We'll do an analysis of the click pattern on our site to see if it's worth the investment.

For anyone that reads my blog, we would absolutely LOVE feedback on our site - if it piques your interest, what could be better, any and all suggestions are welcome! http://www.passionatepm.com Please let us know what you think!

We know that we win people over once they sign-up, but we want to make an incredible first impression.

Peace!

The woman I want to be

2009-06-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

Who knows? Maybe it's the fact that I have a milestone birthday this year... the big 4-0, but I've recently found myself becoming more nostalgic - taking into consideration the breadth and depth of my life and wondering if I'm doing it "right". Now here's the cool thing - I could care less that I'm turning 40, doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I embrace each year as they come, thankful that I have them. To me, another year on this earth signifies survival, strength, more time with my family and friends, more knowledge, more joy.

If I close my eyes and picture the woman I want to be.... picture the photograph of that woman, what I don't see is the typical society-created woman-desperately-trying-to-not-look-her-age. I want to radiate strength, health, and knowledge from the inside out, not vice versa. It appears to me as though many women faced with aging try to fix the outside. Almost like trying to do an extreme makeover on a 60-year-old house.... new siding, new kitchen, update the bathroom fixtures. But, none of that matters if the foundation isn't sound. If love isn't echoed off the walls of the home.

The woman I see in the picture is smiling. Not afraid of the smile (and frown) lines worn into her face. She is outdoors. Not smothered under sun screen but warmed by the sun. Her hair is long even though that's "not appropriate" for someone her age. Maybe in two French braids to keep the hair out of her face. Maybe there's a dash of mascara.... or maybe not. She is smart, she is proud, she is thankful, and she is happy. Her legs hurt from a day of hiking, her back is sore, and yet she smiles.

I am human, I admit, and I struggle with the same insecurities that many women struggle with - my thighs are too big, is that a grey hair? down there? But instead of being insecure, I want to embrace the body God gave me and treat it as though it was His temple. You know what? I'm proud to be sturdy Maine stock. We're rugged. That's just how He made us. My legs will never be small, nor will my butt. But, that's ok - and let me tell you, the butt comes in really handy while backpacking! It's a great shelf for my backpack to rest on!

There's an exercise that I do with the 7 Habits seminar - where I walk the participants through a visualization exercise - visualizing their funeral. What will your family say? your friends? your co-workers? Maybe it's because I had my best friend taken away from me when she was just 21, but I feel like I owe something to the world. As silly as it sounds, I want to make a difference. I want to inspire someone. I want to know that my life contributed to someone else's for the better. There's an awesome song playing on KLOVE right now that reminds me of this - I Want to Leave a Legacy. (I have the lyrics below)

So that will be my challenge in the coming days, months, years or as long as God gives me on this earth... creating my legacy. The mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, friend, teacher that I want to be. I want to be someone my girls are proud to say is their mother, who has inspired them to seek greatness in their lives, who taught them strength, pride, kindness, and compassion. I want my husband to know I loved him fully and truly. I want my friends to know that I was always there for them, if not physically, then emotionally.

And screw the funeral! I want a luau. When He takes me home, I want a party - (yes, you can even have a mai tai!) I want bright colors and music and laughter.

Lyrics from Nichole Nordeman:
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

So much happening!

2009-06-06T23:01:00.000-07:00

Life just seems to go by so fast - and if I miss even a few days of blogging, it seems I've missed so much!

So I'll start from today and work backwards a bit. Today was a Mommy-Daughter bonding day with Brooke. After my bike ride this morning (and yes, it felt so good to be back on my bike - 12 miles!!!!), Brooke and I did Jillian Michael's 30-day shred workout. And boy is it a good one! Then we set out to destroy all of our hard work...

We decided to go to Chili's for lunch since Telle was working - I talked him into helping me bartend at Brooke's going away luau next weekend :-) After Chili's, we went to Staples to pick up the latest order of course materials for my class next week - they look so good. My husband is amazing! I'm really looking forward to using them in my class next week, especially after Friday, but I'll get to that in a minute.

Then it was off to the movies - gotta love a matinee! We saw My Life in Ruins, with the lady from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and it was really cute. The best part was that we got there early, so no rushing around, and the theatre was filled with older folks, so there was no cell phones going off, annoying talking/laughing/smirking/etc, etc. It was great... and the movie made us both want to take a girls' trip to Greece! We topped our day off with a stop at Baskin Robbins for a little treat. (calorie-free, of course).

So working in reverse, that leads me to Friday. Really wasn't that great..... actually, it kind of sucked. But it made me really appreciate everything coming up in the future. I was delivering The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for an IT group at a health science university. If you know anything about the 7 Habits, it's very much a personal development program. Yet, the intention of the day long seminar was to teach them to be more effective from a professional perspective. Well, when the extent of the drive of 1/3 of the class was bouncing the stress balls off of each other's heads (and sending them across the room throughout the lecture), neither personal nor professional development entered their thought processes. They were so rude!

I gave 110% throughout the day, trying to relate the 7 Habits back to their jobs whenever I could. I do have an IT background so it's not like I didn't have an understanding of their work, but when you have people who could care less what you're talking about, you're not going to be effective. Which is kind of funny as I write that - here I was teaching them to be Highly Effective and yet I was less than effective. After the very long day, I had a very long drive home... but it was all good. I enjoyed the drive, the views, the music (cranked up Melissa and sang at the top of my lungs). At a few points, I did try to pretend that I was driving a new Jeep - LOL.

And I got the best gift.... the dark clouds that had gathered as I left LA, were transformed into the most amazing sunset as the sun went down in my rear view mirror. The beautiful colors were reflected on the mountains as I drove the desert - shrouded in shades of pink and rose. It was simply breathtaking. And I took that time to drive in silence (yes, Melissa was turned off) and thank God for all of the amazing gifts that he has blessed me with. I thought of my family, my precious daughters, my incredible husband. I thanked him for revealing to me my gifts and talents and allowing me to create an income with those gifts. It was so awesome. How can someone witness a sight like that without knowing there's a God?

On another really cool note, I found, or rather was found, by my long-lost sister-in-law thanks to Facebook. Kristen is the sister of the girls' biological father - the last time I saw or talked to her was 18 years ago. But we picked up like it was yesterday (a big bonus is that she's a Republican and is just as dismayed at what's happening in this country as I am!). It was good for the girls to be able to reconnect to a part of their past, despite the fact that there is no blood (both Kristen and Kirk were adopted). Which just goes to prove that family is not created by genetics, but by the heart and by love.

On a different note, I decided that I want to move to Belize - buy a little beachfront house, snorkel every day, enjoy the island/coast lifestyle. You know, fly back to the states every other month for a few weeks to deliver a class, write my books, treasure every moment with my husband. And property is so reasonable down there - even for beachfront. Make it so!

On the diet/exercise front.... still doing my shakes everyday... still no weight/inch loss. I've tried upping my calories, reducing my calories, increasing my exercise, decreasing my exercise... I know there's plenty of fat that could be melted off.... I just need to figure out the magic formula.

Quick re-cap of the week

2009-05-30T07:24:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's been an incredible week- lots of ups and downs.

Most importantly, Brandy's surgery went well, very uneventful according to the doc. She was feeling pretty good until the long-term novacaine wore off and then she was pretty miserable. It was awesome to be able to take care of her for a few days, although I really wish I could have stayed longer. We watched movies and talked about all kinds of stuff (well.... I had to do the talking - LOL).

I was able to get a couple of great workouts in - biked 11+ miles each day on the stationary bike going as fast as possible and then running 3 miles after. I proved I can do it on a treadmill, I just need to figure out how to transfer that ability outside. I'm thinking it's psychological... not sure what the issue is.

On the way home, I stopped at Santa Ana and checked out our hotel that we'll be using for that location - it was INCREDIBLE! Loves the sales director, Kristi, and I'm so excited to have our class there. The remainder of the drive was pretty uneventful and I was able to just enjoy the time and the music and think about life. I once again just realized how incredibly blessed I am to have this amazing life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Back at home, I started yesterday with the best ride yet - 13 miles. It was great and I'm thankful that I can see improvement in my strength and endurance because unfortunately that's the only thing that's changing. After three weeks of training hard and eating right - no slipping up at all, I have lost no inches (oh, 1/4 of an inch on my forearm...good to know), lost 1/2 pound, and still can't fit into my clothes. Am I frustrated? You bet! Everyone says "don't look at the scale" or "sometimes it takes time". Well, I get that.... but 3 weeks? With NO change?

So I need to really figure something out and make some changes because bottom line, I need to get this weight off. I can't afford to go buy a new summer wardrobe and I can't fit into any of my summer clothes. :-( Here's the thing - I have at least 11 pounds to lose. Six of those pounds are what I consider "easy" pounds - usually I eat right or exercise they come off easily. The remaining five pounds are my "hard" pounds - it's really tough to get me under 120. There's no reason in the world I shouldn't be down at least the 6 pounds. I'm not going to change my exercising level, as I have to prepare for the tri, so I have to adjust the nutrition. We'll see what happens.

Now D and I are working under what I consider almost an impossible deadline. We have an emergency rush job for 20 of our books by Monday - so we're working feverishly to get them done. All-nighter tonight, probably. Then it's out to Cali next Thursday to deliver 7 Habits... busy, busy, busy - just the way I like it!

Cali

2009-05-26T05:45:00.000-07:00

The trip to Cali was a bit longer than anticipated - closer to nine hours due to an accident on the I-10. For three and a half hours I only managed to go 30 miles... it was tough. Thankfully, I had just stopped for gas, used the restroom, and made my lunch shake, so I was in pretty good condition to sit and wait that long.

Brandy met me at the hotel and the treated me to dinner at Joe's Crab Shack - YUM!!!! After dinner, she took me on a tour of the base and I got to see her room in the barracks - very cozy. (quite interesting - she's on the third floor and I realized as I went up the 3 flights of stairs, that it seemed like nothing at all. A few weeks ago in Santa Ana, I was winded after 2 flights!). After the base we went to her Denny's for dessert (oops) and coffee and just got to visit for awhile. Finally back to the hotel around 10:45. It was such a great evening!

So yesterday's bike ride was a great accomplishment- I finally did more than 11 miles and it was awesome. I finished really strong and had great time. I still have lots of room for improvement, but that makes me just want to try that much harder. Today... not as good. My plan had been to get up at 4 and work out for an hour and a half, but ended up sleeping in a bit too late to do that. So I'll see how Brandy's doing when I get her home from the hospital, and if she's sleeping, I may sneak down to the gym for a workout. I really want to focus on my running this week.

I brought my blender with me and all of my reliv shakes - I made little baggies and marked them all - pretty funny. I think I went a little overboard with the fruit this morning, though. Sue suggested adding frozen fruit to my shake (AWESOME idea!) but I ended up with 3/4 of a picture. Don't get me wrong, it's absolutely delicious - but may be a bit more than I needed! But I'm going to drink it all because I'll be at the hospital for awhile and I'm a little light on calories for the rest of the day. I need to make sure I stay above 1200 so I don't store.

I'll post more later after her surgery - please keep her in your prayers!

YAY! It stopped raining!

2009-05-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

Quick post, because I'm running a bit behind...

Very productive day yesterday - finished up the 7 Habits material and sent a test file off to be printed - hopefully can get that today. Picked up working on the PM curriculum and I'm loving the example stories - our company is "Monkey-in-a-Can". Don't ask me what that means! We stopped over to the rental and picked up all the laundry and did it here last night while we were working - much easier with our washer and dryer - so five loads done!

I was slightly tempted to sleep in this morning, but realized I had only a small window to get my ride in. It was a pretty good ride, although for awhile I thought I was lost in Trilogy... I just kept turning onto road after road after road... but I finally made my way out of the maze. Not great time on my ride, but I did just shy of 10 miles.

Now off to church, clean the rental property and then back at work on the materials. At some point definitely need to squeeze in 30-day Shred and Yoga.

Peace!

Need to back track just a bit...

2009-05-23T07:16:00.000-07:00

I forgot to write about our wonderful evening the other night. We had a special dinner for Devin's 30th birthday (about time he joins my decade, huh??) on Wednesday night. Sue and Tom, his parents, came over along with Telle and Kristin. I made a pretty simple dinner of lasagna, homemade garlic bread and my favorite yummy salad (red and green lettuce, spinach, dried cranberries, walnuts, feta cheese). I planned my attack out earlier in the day so I wouldn't get sabotaged by the food - decided to have mostly salad and a tiny piece of lasagna, no bread and no dessert. And I even bought some club soda to cut in with the wine to save myself some calories.

It ended up just being a glorious night - I couldn't ask for anything better! We sat out on the patio enjoying the silence of the desert and beauty of the city lights, drinking wine, fellowshipping and just realizing how blessed we all were. At one point in the evening the girls ended up on the lower patio talking girl talk and the boys on the upper patio doing whatever it is that boys do.

I, once again, was reminded how incredible my mother-in-law is. She is such a strong, honest, smart, vibrant, sweet woman. I seriously could not think of one thing to make her any better - and I realize just how blessed I am to have her in my life! (and I'm not even kissing up to her because she doesn't read my blog... that I know of!). It's easy to see why her boys are so wonderful!

Kristin and I had a blast with Sue talking about the guys, our lives, exercising, the perkiness, or lack thereof, of certain body parts! :-) At one point I looked at Kristin, as she was leaning against the outside of the house and realized there was a scorpion right near her head. But she didn't panic - just took my shoe and killed it!

It was a wonderful night and one I hope to repeat many times over!

(Oh - and day 2 of my Shred - did it this morning! Weight is dropping very, very slightly. Another day with no biking - such a bummer. And I have another few days to rest my feet before I start running again.)

10 Weeks and Counting....

2009-05-22T16:04:00.000-07:00

I got an email the other day from the sponsors of the Tri - 10 weeks and counting was the subject line. Definitely made my heart jump a bit. Will I be ready??

My training got a little derailed over the past few days... decided on Wednesday that I needed to take at least four days off from running/walking, even with the new shoes, as I suspect some tiny stress fractures in the balls of my feet from running on the old shoes. Instead, I decided that I would focus on my biking and swimming.

But.... that didn't turn out so well because now we are getting rain. Which normally I LOVE, but for biking, not the best. Yesterday was a complete blow-off day, anyway. We had Brooke's graduation and so we were busy all day and part of the busy-ness, unfortunately, was lots of really good "bad" food. The cake was calling my name... I couldn't resist! Although when I decided to have another piece last night as my nightly snack, Devin persuaded me to eat some raw veggies instead. Yum. Not.

Back on the wagon this morning and I decided to commit to actually doing the full 30 Day Shred. It's only 20 minutes and it's only 30 days. I can handle that. No excuses, no skipped days. My goal is to actually do the 20 minute shred and then follow it up with 45 minutes of yoga. Yoga quiets my mind and really helps my back. So that's my new commitment.

Today has been a good productive day of work. I'm still trying to finish up the 7 Habits one-day course material for my June client. Honestly, I'll be really glad to have it done so I can be focusing on the PM classes and designing some new programs.

LinkedIn has turned into a great marketing source for the business. We're getting a lot of hits!

Ok, back to the 7 Habits.... I'm on Habit 3... only four more to go....

Manic Monday

2009-05-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

Awesome day, just very, very busy!

I started off the day with a 4+ mile run/walk - doing the 5 minute intervals - the last couple of miles were very uncomfortable because of my darn toes. I really need to get over to the Runner's Den and get a pair of running shoes. (mental note: do that tomorrow while I'm downtown).

I learned a good lesson this morning - normally I get up at 5:30 am and am out the door for run or bike by 5:45. This morning I slept in a bit and didn't leave until almost seven. Given that the highs hit 111 today, by 7:30, it was already cooking out. Thus the value of leaving at 5:30! Don't think I'll make that mistake again!

Came home and did some work on the upcoming class schedule and I have to say I'm thrilled with the way our site is coming out: www.passionatepm.com. Devin has really done a great job (as always!).

We had a meeting over at the Hilton Scottsdale Resort and Villas to tour the facility and discuss holding our Phoenix camps there. It was AMAZING! They were very much aligned with our thinking that clients come first. I expressed that I wanted my students cared for and treated well so they would only need to focus on the class. I'm very confident, after meeting the staff, that they will make sure that it happens. Our first class there will be on 8/31. I can't wait!

They also treated us to lunch at their restaurant - excellent! I even chose well, having an ahi salad.

Back at home to do more work - I was hoping that I'd squeeze in a 30-day Shred, but just ran out of time and energy. D did get my bike computer on, though, so I'm totally stoked to go for a LONG ride tomorrow morning. Still didn't get to the pool for my laps, so hopefully squeeze that in tomorrow, especially since the rest of the week is going to be crazy.

Crossed over to the dark side

2009-05-17T07:16:00.000-07:00

I've officially crossed over to the dark side... I'm a cyclist.

Let me start off by saying in the past I've been relatively anti-biker - not necessarily against the people that bike, but the actual act of riding their bike in the road thus creating a traffic hazard gets under my skin.

But now I'm getting it! A couple of things I've realized that I never thought of before....

1. If you are in your car coming up on a biker in the bike lane, if possible, go into the other lane if it's a two or more lane road. Pretty simple thing to do, yet I never did it. First off, what does it hurt? Secondly, why make a situation any more risky than it needs to me. Now I have a feeling that some drivers out there (believe it or not) might want to flex their "muscles" and prove something to the cyclists and show it's THEIR road and not move over a lane. Two words: grow up. At least these people are out there working out versus sitting around and succumbing to our epidemic of laziness and obesity.

2. If you are taking a walk or a jog, please do it on the sidewalk, not in the bike lane. I came upon two people strolling the other day and had to go out around them, in traffic, to get by.

3. If you are cycling, follow the flow of traffic when using the bike lane. This morning, I'm on my way home and caught a little downhill so I was moving pretty fast. And I see this guy cross over on his bike into my bike lane and he kept his head down. Didn't look up once to see me approaching. It was rather like playing a game of chicken except he was blindfolded! I ended up having to go out into the road to avoid being hit by him. It wasn't until I was within a few feet of him that he realized I was there.

4. So I guess that's thought number 4: keep your head up! :-)

Anyway, all seems to be going good on the training. Got my first donation this morning (thank you Heather!!). But the weight thing is another issue. I officially gained two pounds this week and I'm really upset. And I know, muscle weighs more than fat, but I don't think that's what's going on... I think I'm storing. So I'm going to add more fruits, veggies, and lean proteins into the diet to see what happens.

Off to shower and church!

Feel the effects...

2009-05-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

New bike route this morning. I went down Vistancia Blvd out to Jomax. Turned around there headed back through Vistancia, turned on Ridgeline, and then went down Sunrise Pt. Ended up being 9.1 miles! The way out to Jomax seemed to go really well - I was trying to stay focused on speed, however, the wind left my sails on the last 5 miles and a few of the hills were tough, but I pedaled on! My legs are definitely more sore than they've been in awhile - and it's an awesome soreness! Still plugging along on the eating plan, although wondering if perhaps I need to adjust my calories. My suspicion is that my body's storing the calories. It's probably in shock from so much activity!

Website is just about done: www.passionatepm.com. Hopefully we can begin enrolling people soon!

Need some new shoes!

2009-05-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

Today I decided to focus on running, which is by far my weakest area. I rolled out of bed bright and early at 5:30 am, trying to beat the AZ heat. Stepped on the scale, as I always do, and couldn't help but be very disappointed that I had actually gained weight. I've never worked out this hard AND stuck to an eating plan - so one of two things, either I'm exceeding my calories (which is doubtful) or I'm not eating enough and my body's storing. Now I have to do the dance to find out the magical number of calories. I'm tracking everything on beginnertriathlete.com, so that should help.

But I wasn't going to let the extra pound get me down - LOL - I put on my sneakers and laid out a challenge to myself. I was going to do the entire Discovery Trail here in Vistancia. It's 7 miles round-trip from my house and the best part is that it's almost like being completely surrounded by the desert - they really did a nice job with it. I decided to go with the recommendations from the "Couch 2 5K" and alternated - 5 minutes brisk walking, 5 minutes running. It worked for the first 50 minutes. I felt pretty darn good. But then my feet and my toes got the better of me...again. I definitely think a trip to the Runner's Den is in order for some new running shoes. I didn't let it stop me from finishing the entire trail, although on the way home there was a lot more walking than running.

Just have to say, there's nothing cuter in the world than a rabbit. And thankfully, I saw a ton today, including one little baby bunny that was so tiny - I just wanted to scoop him up and bring him home. At least I was smiling the whole time I was walking! Oh - and learned a great "brisk walking" song - Boot Scootin Boogey! It's perfect.

We got the offices rearranged and merged today so now D and I will both be working out of the downstairs office. I'm hoping this will help our concentration, allow us to be focused on the TON of work we need to get done, and it will definitely make the dogs happy. As I type, Miss Sierra is curled up under my desk at my feet. There's something so awesome about a dog sleeping at your feet! :-)

Letting my lunch digest then off to the pool for my laps!

Not cool...

2009-05-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

So given that this is a blog and one of my goals is to be painfully honest.... here is some painful honesty.

I am 39, 5'2" and as of this morning, I weigh 126 pounds. Our scale also tracks body fat percentage and I was absolutely disgusted to learn that my BF% is 33%. 1/3 of my bod is fat!!!!! How does that happen???? Now, interestingly enough, 33% is the lower level of "obese". I guess if that's not a wake-up call, I don't know what is. Lights a little fire under my butt!

I'd like to say my goal weight is 118, but really, it's all about how I look, how I feel, and how my clothes fit me. Hopefully I drop a lot of fat and gain a lot of muscle, so the pounds might not be that important.

Feeling Good!

2009-05-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

So after taking a rest day yesterday (and being a little disappointed in myself that I did), I decided to hit it hard today... despite the fact that I stayed up until at least midnight watching the finale of the Biggest Loser (OMG - HELEN????!!!!) I am a little bit in mourning over the fact that my girl, Tara, didn't win. She is truly my hero.

This morning I started with a 7.1 mile bike ride. I did pretty well, although by the end I thought I might do Jillian proud by puking. But I managed to make it home, stomach contents in place. Once home, I drank one of my Innergize drinks from Reliv - a replacement for Gatorade - and I have to say, it really made a big difference. Loved it! And it was enough to get my energy back up, so I decided to go for a speed walk/run. Sierra has been an extremely aggressive and energetic lately - yes, even going so far as to hump her brothers. Yuck. What's up with that?? So Miss Sierra got to go with me.

At first I planned on just walking the route, but instead decided to run on all of the dirt paths and then also set incremental goals along the way - for example, run to the next set of mailboxes, etc. I found myself exceeding my goals and it was amazing! And the beauty of Vistancia in early morning, the abundance of wildlife, hot air balloons taking off, made it amazing. We saw bunnies (which Sierra wanted to track and capture), quail, a roadrunner, and a big, fat rattlesnake sunning himself off the trail. He was much less impressed with us than we were with him.

On the way back to the house, we went through one of the adjoining upscale neighborhoods and it was kinda creepy - a product of the rapid housing market demise here in AZ. Only about 15% of the houses had been built prior to the crash, and just about all of those sit empty with for sale signs. The vacant lots are overgrown with weeds and it eerily resembles a ghost town. To make the image more poignant, a lone, skinny coyote trotted down the road and like the rattle snake, was rather nonplussed to see us. He glanced over his shoulder at us, looking at us as though we were the trespassers - and I guess we were.

Once home, did a little work, had my morning shake, and then did a great upper body weight training. I feel good!! And to really top off the day, shortly after lunch, I'm going to swim my laps again.

I'm very pleased to say that I've "crossed over". You know, the first few days or week that you're working out you can't imagine what could have possibly possessed you to torture your body... but then all of a sudden you cross over. You like the pain, the fatigue, the sweat. You get your high! And that's where I'm at... I can't wait until August!!

Reliv day four

2009-05-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

Based on glowing recommendations from Lloyda (and her amazing results) I decided to start using Reliv. Reliv is a series of powdered nutrients, all-natural, that are designed to get you into premium health. My combination shake in the morning includes the base nutrient powder, fiber, a muscle-building/performance powder, and soysentials (for the female symptoms - hopefully will eliminate my hot flashes). At lunch I use the Reliv weight loss shake and some supplements.

The routine is supposed to be a nutrient shake for breakfast, two supplements at 11, weight loss shake at 12, two supplements an hour before dinner and then a sensible dinner. Well, let's see...

I started on Saturday. Got up and had my nutrient shake. CHECK. Took two pills around 10:30. CHECK. Weight loss shake at 11:30. CHECK. And then we did my graduation and everyone wanted to go out to eat after, so ended up eating a turkey burger (with no fries) at 3:00. OOPS. And then had a few munchies at home - steamed carrots, cashews, nothing too sinful.

Day two. Nutrient shake in morning. CHECK. Two pills at 11:00. CHECK. Mother's day dinner at Texas Lone Star. OOPS. (did it sensibly, though. Had a salad.). Then I jumped off a cliff - pizza and beer for dinner. (did it count that I took my two pills an hour before?)

Day three. Perfect all day!!! Shake in morning, two pills, lunch shake, two pills, salad and chicken wrap for dinner!

So far, day four is good - I've had my morning shake. But I didn't get up and cycle because I'm totally cramped up. Assuming it's the Reliv starting to detox my system.

Still having hot flashes although I think maybe they've decreased a little. Nighttime is still unbearable. Happens around 2am - I wake up soaked in sweat, dying of thirst, and turn the air conditioning down to 70. :-(

Oh well, I'm sticking to it. I have lost a couple of pounds, but not sure if it's the Reliv or the working out... or probably both!

82 Days and Counting

2009-05-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

82 days until the big event and I've finally started training. I got my bike (thanks to the sweetest mother's day/graduation gift from Brandy) on Saturday and today I was able to get up early, go for a good 5-6 mile ride, do a small run, and then after lunch did my 16 laps up at the lap pool. The tri consists of a 1/2 mile open water swim (equivalent to 16 laps) followed by an 11-mile bike ride, and finished off with a 5k (3 mile) run. It feels so good to be working out consistently again and I'm hoping that my metabolism and body reacts favorably and I can say buh-bye to all of these pesky extra pounds.

It's been a busy week - I had my graduation on Saturday and it was actually pretty cool! Devin and I were selected to be interviewed by a news/camera crew - pretty funny! Brandy came in for the weekend, so it was nice to have her there along with the other two girls and my mom and sister. After the graduation, we went out to a quick lunch and then over to REI for my bike. So exciting!!

Mother's day was somewhat uneventful and I tried not to take it too personally. Brandy and J went to church with us and as always, Pastor Ray was awesome. After church, we met up with Brandy and Brooke for an early lunch. Devin and I had a great talk about expectations on special occasions. I explained that for my entire life, I always made sure to go out of my way on Mother's day and my mom's birthday. Now, we might not be very close, but I do love her and I do respect her. From an early age, I recognized that mother's day was an opportunity to show her my love, gratitude, and respect. I realized that although we didn't get along, she did so much and I know she sacrificed for me. The least I could do was give her one day to show how much I appreciated her. It wasn't done out of a sense of obligation or to prove anything. It was just how it was supposed to be.

On the business side, things are starting to heat up. We've got our classes planned for the rest of the year, the website is almost done, and now we just need to market the heck out of our classes and get people in the seats. This is so exciting!

91 Days and Counting...

2009-05-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

Although I've had good intentions, I haven't quite been able to follow through with a solid work-out regimen or healthy diet. So I decided that it was time to put my money where my mouth is and force myself a bit. I have signed up for a sprint triathlon in 91 days! Now I have no choice but to get into shape. Tomorrow I officially start training, although it will be a bit before I get a bike (silly little issue of money!).

I'm excited about all of the "firsts" I will be pursuing this year: graduating next Saturday with my MBA, triathlon in August, Paris in October. And we just completed our first backpacking trip - about 20 miles on the Arizona Trail.

Clarity

2009-04-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

I absolutely LOVE Moments of clarity! I love them. Maybe that's because I'm a know-it-all, control freak, anti-surprise type of person. So this week I had one of those very treasured Moments - I completely understand what it is I need to do with my company.

Growth and learning comes through pain and true to theory, I felt some pain prior to having my Moment. I was scheduled to deliver a PMP class in Orange County and I was excited for three reasons: 1. I was close to Brandy and would get to see her 2. Devin was going with me for the first time and 3. work = money. Not a lot to complain about. Except....

I have a major pet peeve when it comes to business. I believe in nurture marketing and building (and earning) client loyalty. As such, frustration ensues when I find myself involved in a business situation that only looks at customers as "transactions". My second pet peeve is poor quality. Especially when it is given to aforementioned customers. As I mended the training program together to the best of my abilities, BAM.... my Moment of clarity: I need to be doing this on my own, creating an environment and experience that is second to none.

Thankfully, Devin was there to witness the disaster and instead of frustration and doubt, we were both on fire for what we could make of our company and our classes. And the planning started - and if you know me, I'm great at moving quickly from planning to action. As luck (or divine intervention) would have it, my three May courses for aforementioned client are cancelled - dare I say it might have something to do with their poor material, poor choice of locations, poor service? So that means I have the entire month of May to focus on this exciting adventure we are about to embark on.

I have submitted RFPs for hotel locations and conference rooms, the material is well underway, and if all goes well, our first class will be in CA in July. We will follow that up with a Boston and Denver in July, Chicago in August... and if we get totally crazy, Hawaii in November!

It's going to be great! We are going to give them 40 hours (in 4 days) of high-energy, fun learning. Games, practice scenarios, quizzes, mind mapping - and a guarantee that they will pass the exam!

On the verge of something great

2009-04-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have the feeling that you are on the verge of something great? Like hiking up a mountain and your at that point in the climb where the top is tantalizingly within reach and you know that from here on out, it's going to be all down hill (in a good way!).

That's how I feel right now - everything seems to be lining up in the right direction for an absolutely amazing life. We're building our client base and getting great results. Our course materials were a success and we're one of the first to market with the required updates. We've got another few months of really hard work, but I see it just exploding.

I'm so blessed to be able to work with my husband - it is so awesome to have a shared dream and goals and work together to create that dream!

SFO is my favorite airport

2009-04-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong or weird that I feel completely at home at SFO? I know the restaurants (and waitresses), the rest rooms, the stores, the gates, and the best thing... the location of every outlet. I have spent many, many hours in this airport and other than the fact that I have to pay for internet, it's pretty much my favorite airport. And it's also such a great place to people watch. I find it interesting to see how people dress. Me, I personally go for comfort when I travel, yet with a hint of professionalism (you never know when you might get an opportunity to network). Usually cargo pants, a sweater, and my comfy shoes that slip on and off easily. And always, I have the trusted backpack. THE backpack that has traveled around the world with me and has never let me down. :-) I think most of my emotional attachment comes from the fact that I used to sneak treats and little pieces of meat in it into Bangara when he was at the hospital in Bangalore.

Back to people watching... most people are business casual, but there's always those few who are either over the top professional (although they look very nice), the few seeking comfort that look like they're wearing pajamas (oh wait.... they are), and then there's the women who like they have something to sell... LOL .

I'm waiting on my flight home after a very interesting few weeks. I went from Phoenix to Boston, visited my family for one very quick day, to Providence, RI. My class there was great - a private construction firm. I knew the place was cool when I was greeted by the office dog, Haley. (The conference room also came equipped with a fridge holding a stash of beer... and no, I didn't have any!). From Providence, I went to Houston. Unfortunately, that class was a little more challenging with an audience not quite prepared or enthusiastic for the course. I got to go home for 2 days, and although it was a very busy 2 days, it was wonderful. I miss my hubby, my girls, and my puppies so much when I'm gone.

It seems like I didn't even have a moment before I was back at the airport and headed to SF. But per the opening of this entry, SF is my home away from home. Or so I thought. On my numerous previous trips, I stayed down in the financial district and walked to the offices. This time, I was driving south of the city. The hotel was an extended stay hotel that reeked of fish and other food. My room was functional, but the smell definitely got to me. On the positive side, the conference center where I would be delivering the training was perfect. Located at a marina, the center was clean, set up well, and with a great staff that truly loved their work. Our lunch was prepared each day by a wonderful Hispanic lady who would tell us that it was "made with her love". So refreshing.

My class was a small group of incredible people and I really enjoyed it - especially after a tough week in Houston the week before.

As always, I meet people who strengthen my walk with God and remind me once again just how blessed we are. I had beautiful discussions with a few of my students, sharing the blessings in my life, learning from the blessings in theirs.

Thirty minutes and I will be on my way home to my husband.... and I can't wait.

Which city am I in?

2009-04-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

I have been on the road lately and it's now all starting to blur together. A few weeks ago I delivered training in Dallas. I had a good group, although a testament to the status of the economy - I had four seasoned professionals who had recently been laid off. Then it was off to Providence, RI. This was a great class! Customized for a group of construction project managers - they were awesome! I had a wonderful trip - got to spend a day with my nieces, which was so great - and it was just very comforting to be back in the northeast... made me very homesick!

Then it was off to Houston and unfortunately that class wasn't the best. There's a major difference between classes where participants are there by choice versus those that go to training because their boss told them to. It was challenging and I'm glad it was only four days. I was so ready to go home.

Back at home, it was pretty much laundry, clean the rental house, pack and back to the airport. I missed my hubby, my little girl, and my dogs.... :-(

Now I'm in San Francisco, which for the past eight years has been my home away from home. I love the city, although I'm a bit outside the city. This class is great! It's a small group, but they are all awesome and I know it's going to be a fun week.

Tomorrow is the baby's birthday. 18 years old - doesn't seem possible. I remember when she would fall asleep on my chest or in my arms. And I think this is the first time I'll be away from her on her birthday. So sad....

Motherhood

2009-03-17T21:05:00.001-07:00

I've done many things in my life... some of them well, many of them not so well. But my true joy came from being a mom.

I was reminded tonight of that precious moment in time when your little ones are so tiny, so impressionable, and so loving - in a complete and absolute manner. And no matter how your day was or what was going on, there was one thing you always knew - how much your children loved you and needed you. They were the constant, the unwavering, the only thing you could rely on. They made you who you were and when you thought you couldn't go another step, you knew you would run a marathon to protect them.

It's such a strange place you find yourself when your children are gone. There's a strange little fleeting piece of pleasure - no more cleaning up after them, no more cleaning up puke in the middle of the night, so on and so forth. But in reality, there's such an emptiness. To go from being completely needed to not needed at all is rather like plunging off a cliff. Your identity is all but gone.

And so I wonder. Who am I now? What is my role? Where am I needed?

I miss the days of baths and little shoes and pony tails and cheerios and lotion. I miss the feel of little arms around my neck and coloring books and Disney movies. And yes, I even miss the midnight fevers, the bickering, and the crying. Because that's when I knew they needed me.

I'm trying to figure out this new space I am in, this new role that I'm filling. But it's not easy and I'm struggling. Perhaps with time will come enlightenment. I only pray that it comes soon.

And until it does, I will just remember how it used to be. Making grilled cheese sandwiches on a Saturday, singing songs in the car, putting french braids in their hair. And wishing I had treasured those moments.... if only I had known they would go so fast.

Back from Dallas

2009-03-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

Dallas was awesome - only eight students in my class, but they were all great. Very focused on the material. It was so refreshing to have a class of adults who were able to prioritize the class over emails, cell phones, blackberries, etc. I had two participants taking their tests right after the class and I'm very happy to report that they both passed!

In an effort to save money, I decided not to get a rental car and instead relied on the hotel shuttle - and it worked out great! No complaints at all!

The next eight weeks are going to be insane: This week is all about finishing about the materials, next week we get the babies for the week (YAY!!), and then it starts: I fly to RI on Tuesday, teach Thursday through Saturday, fly from RI to Houston on Sunday, teach Monday through Thursday, return to Phoenix on Friday for a couple of days and fly out to San Francisco on Sunday. The following week I have class in Phoenix, followed by Orange County.

I'm so thrilled that we have so much work coming in.... but a little sad. I will be in SF on Brooke's 18th birthday and then I was really hoping my friend Wendy could come out and visit me for a girls' trip, but SF got in the way of that as well. :-(

Oh, we had a little surprise in the mail today. Our new friends from Paris (that we will be exchanging with) sent us a tour book of Paris... and even marked the location of their apartment on the map! 30 WEEKS!! I can't wait!!!

The Home Exchange Experiment (aka - how to travel for free!)

2009-02-24T07:51:00.000-08:00

I've been bitten by the travel bug... I actually think it happened in utero because I came into this world trying to figure out how I could get out of the particular location I found myself in. I could live on the road and be completely happy - thus the appeal of my job! However, outside of traveling for work, there is one big problem with wanting to travel - the cost.

Thus the brilliant idea of doing a home exchange! We love our home and feel it really does offer a lot to people who want to experience the desert. My dream has always been to go to Paris - and not just for a quick visit, but long enough to acclimate to the environment and just soak in the culture and the language. I did some research on home exchanges, including watching the movie "The Holiday" and we decided to take a chance and list our home on HomeExchange.com. Essentially, you list your home and include information about yourself. The idea is not just to switch homes but actually develop friendships with the people you are exchanging with. Think personal ads but we're swapping houses instead of dating! There's something so beautiful to me about the concept of ultimate trust and friendship in this age of deception and fraud.

I was very excited about putting up our posting and both D and I agree that it would be fun to just entertain any offers we may get. Think: Sure, you want our home and we'll go to Tahiti?? I think we can hook that up! LOL. But first course of business was finding an exchange in Paris. Luckily, there are a lot of Parisians who want to travel. :-)

I excitedly wrote out post, gathered pictures, and pushed the submit button! Voila! Next step was to find appropriate exchanges in Paris. You are allowed to save profiles in Your Favorites and then send a note to those that you marked, up to 25 per day. I sent out my first 25 and waited....

By the next morning, we had received 10 responses. All very, very nice, but none looking for an exchange in Arizona. Although one in particular touched my heart. It seems that the family's teenage daughter has been diagnosed with leukemia and is undergoing chemo. The lady was so sweet, though, despite this situation she offered to do a "hospitality" exchange, where D and I could stay with them in their spare bedroom. It really touched me and I'm making sure to include their daughter in my prayers. What a horrible thing for any mother to experience.

I was getting a little discouraged (I know... it had been a whole 24 hours! Impatient, you think??) and then it happened! We got a response from a young professional couple who live in the 15th arrondissement in a cute little flat. They have a baby and are excited to visit Arizona. We've had a few email exchanges, including exchanging pictures, and it appears to be a great match!

To sweeten the vacation experience, we stumbled upon another opportunity. There is a Transatlantic cruise that is available for purchase using our VCA barter dollars. Given that we have a healthy balance in our barter account, we could more than cover the entire cost of the cruise (thanks to our huge Valentine's day order!!). Interestingly enough, the cruise sets sail from Rome exactly during the time period we wanted to be in Europe. Add two weeks on to the vacation.... no out of pocket! (other than our taxes and port fees!!).

So it's shaping up like this: We use our free companion flight vouchers round-trip from PHX to New York. Buy a one-way ticket from NY to Paris (and I think I'll have enough miles we can get my flight for free on a Star Alliance carrier). Two weeks in Paris, take the train to Rome, a few nights in Rome, and then sail home on the cruise!

I've started brushing up on my French using Rosetta Stone and I'm looking forward to practicing on our new friends - but could only muster a "bonjour" this morning (the only other thing I seem to be able to say is "I'm a doctor" or "the dog is white" - tough trying to fit that into conversation).

Now next challenge: finding care for the dogs while we're gone... this could be a tricky one!

Happy thoughts...

2009-02-17T19:17:00.000-08:00

Many times throughout the day today I found myself appreciating all of the incredible blessings in my life:

I have a job that is not a job at all, but a passion! I am a key contributor to other's success - does it really get much better than that? It is so incredible to bring something positive to someone's life, to see hope and excitement replace stress and despair. A kind word, a few minutes of dedicated time, a touch on the shoulder... all little things but I see how big of an impact it can have. I genuinely care about all of my students and I hope that they can always see that and feel that. And it goes both ways. I have yet to have a class and not have someone leave an indelible mark on my life. I cherish the experience and am so grateful that I have been able to align my God-given gifts with a career.
My husband, my Strong Tower. I treasure our love, our relationship, our marriage, and our future and most importantly, our present. Valentine's Day was a great example of how lucky I am. He made "plans" for us for Saturday and kept it as a surprise for me. It was so fun all week to think about what the weekend would bring. Which really made my unexpected layover in Denver on Friday night that much more disappointing. By the time I arrived and submitted the paperwork to find my lost luggage, it was mid-morning and I was exhausted. But it didn't ruin the day... even though we put the "plan" on-hold (YAY! We are going to the Science Center next week) he still surprised me with a hand-made card with a great poem and a framed 8x10 of my favorite picture of the girls from our Christmas trip to Prescott. AND I walked in to an absolutely immaculate house!!! Does it get any better??
My girls. I got to visit with Brookie for a little while this morning before leaving for work. It was nice to start my day with her. I'm treasuring all of the time we have before she leaves this summer. I talked with Brit on the way home and I'm so proud of her - she won Employee of the Quarter!! She gets a paid vacation day and a reserved parking spot!! And then Miss Brandy called me tonight and filled me in on her class and life. I love watching them blossom into incredible young women and I'm filled with excitement at the thought of the lives they have in front of them! They have so much to experience and I will always be thankful for everything they bring to my life!
My friends. For someone who often says I don't have many friends, they seem to be playing an awfully big role in my life lately and I'm so blessed with how many friends I truly have. Kim and I spent some time talking this morning about life and kids and the future. Maria and I talked this evening and my new treasure: talking with Wendy on IM. It's incredible how much we have in common and what a wonderful friendship that has been rekindled. We've known each other for almost 35 years! It seems impossible. Wendy is a beautiful light in a world that is sometimes dominated by darkness. We're really hoping it works out that she can come out for a visit in March.
My family. I'm SO excited that we will have Abby and Lexi for an entire week in March!!! I'm really looking forward to having two little ones around the house and I'm so thankful that Brooke and Jason are entrusting us with them!
My puppies. I know, it probably sounds silly, but there's something so comforting to the soul to have creatures that give you totally unconditional love. They bring me so much happiness (despite the shedding and digging and barking....lol)

I'm pleased to report that I think my ankle is healing (knock on wood!!). I'm going to start doing some yoga this weekend and maybe take some walks - see how it feels. I can't wait to be hiking again! (and given that my weight loss has stalled... I definitely need the exercise!).

A quote that I came across today about forgiving ourselves when we stray off-course and focusing on each new day:

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with...high a spirit."

Denver!

2009-02-11T06:11:00.001-08:00

Just a quick update...
Denver is going really well - I have a small class - just 7 students, but they are all great. There is a genuine desire to all achieve their PMP certification within the next few months. It's so awesome to have a group of motivated learners! My first class that's actually running a bit behind schedule, so I've adjusted the class length to come in 30 minutes earlier. Thankfully all of the participants are very flexible.

On the Atkins front, still doing great and surprisingly not very tempted. I had a late night last night, so I got a bacon cheeseburger and cup of broccoli cheese soup to go. Even though I ordered it with no bread, no fries, they included them. But it was easy to pull the bun off and didn't even want the fries. (wow! what has happened to me??!!). Still no sugar - can't believe it!!! 2 1/2 weeks with no sugar - completely unheard of. I can't monitor my weight here, but my assumption is that a few more pounds might be coming off.

Exciting news on the HRT withdrawal - I think the worst of the hot flashes are over, my mood is definitely WAY better, and I think I can officially say I'm off HRT! :-) This is so awesome - both for my long term health and for our bank account!!!!

Not so good news: my ankle. The pain still hadn't improved yesterday and I actually jammed it getting out of my car and it was surprisingly painful. Finally broke down and went to Urgent Care - they were awesome! I thought worse case scenario was a broken foot and a cast. But found out that worse case scenario was actually torn ligaments that won't heal on their own. And that's what it appears to be. I'm supposed to get in for an MRI immediately and see an orthopaedic surgeon ASAP. :-( ($$$$$$$$$$$). But we'll get through it - I want it and need it fixed and strong - we have a lot of hikes coming up!

Thanking Desert Breeze

2009-02-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

I love my husband with all of my heart and all of my soul. He is my "strong tower". But the most amazing thing about our marriage is that was built upon the right foundation. A solid foundation based on the Bible and God's plan. Before we got engaged, we attended the marriage enrichment class at Desert Breeze, and to this day, we utilize the tools and information that was provided in that class.

I love being able to talk to my husband when I'm upset, frustrated, or irrational and it doesn't ever escalate. Instead, it's an open honest sharing of our perspectives, apologies for any wounds, and a plan to get us through the situation. There is always a good result as we continue to grow and learn about each other and our marriage.

And now I'm in Denver and missing him deeply....

I'm so thankful to Desert Breeze for creating such an amazing environment to learn His word.

Boy am I cranky....

2009-02-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

The term "hot flash" is a bit deceiving. It's not a flash. Not at all... flash would indicate "brief" or "quick"... but in reality they're more like hot waves. Big, thunderous, suffocating, crashing waves. Thursday was about the worse day and I thanked God repeatedly for creating the man who created the side-by-side freezer/fridge. Nothing feels better when overcome by the hot wave than to plunge your entire body inside the freezer. And given my underwhelming height of 5'2", I fit perfectly. Hot waves during the day have turned to night sweats, which actually have me desiring a cold room with the fan on (normally I'm bundled up under layers of blankets and pjs!). But there's good news in all of this: 1. Using positive imagery, I'm convincing myself that the sweat that is pouring out of me is melted fat and thus I'm getting thinner by the minute! 2. It seems as though the peaks of the flashes are diminishing and it's more of a regular state of overheated, so I think that means they're leveling out and 3. Thanking God once again that He gave me the wisdom to do this when it's not 120 degrees out. :-)

The other somewhat negative... ok, scratch that... the other very negative part of HRT withdrawal is the mood swings. Just ask D. He can't wait to put me on that plane for Denver tomorrow. I wake up in the foulest mood and I hate the world. Just angry and mean. And everything is an irritant. This is complicated right now by the fact that I'm so thoroughly fed up and disgusted with this whole ankle situation that I want to scream. This is the kind of foul mood that you can see you're in, but you're trapped in it. And when you think about snapping yourself out, that makes you even angrier. So I'll just keep praying and hopefully snap out of it soon.

So I'm looking for ways to counter-balance this anger, because quite honestly, life is WAY too short to be pissed off. And there is so much beauty in this world that you miss when you have wrapped yourself in a shroud of darkness. Guaranteed that eventually you come to your senses and you want to kick yourself for not realizing it all along.

With that thought in mind, some happy thoughts:
I'm totally excited that today I get to babysit my "granddaughter" Hailee for a few hours!! There's nothing that soothes the soul faster than a baby! Also, I leave for Denver tomorrow morning and I'm looking forward to the trip and the class. It's a new client and I'm looking forward to knocking their socks off!

We're also on Day 13 of the induction and I'm excited to say I've lost 6 pounds. I'm even more excited given the fact that I was only able to exercise for the first few days of the plan. I still have a ways to go... I tried on my absolutely favorite skinny jeans today and they're still not buttonable (is that a word?). But I'll pull them out again next week and I'm sure they will fit even better! D and I are going to keep going on induction for another two weeks given that we're both doing great on it, minimal cravings, and we're seeing results. It will be a little tricky given that I'm in class for the next two weeks, but I'll make it work.

And here's the big dream... I SO want to spend a few weeks in France this fall doing a home exchange. Interestingly enough, there's a cruise that goes from Rome to NY during that time frame that we could purchase with our VCA Barter Dollars (No cash!!). How amazing would that be?? A couple of weeks in France followed by a two-week cruise back home? And we have free companion tickets from TMobile that we could use for the domestic portion of the airfare, so we're basically just looking at one-way airfare from NY to Paris. A 3-4 week vacation for the price of one domestic ticket and two one-way tickets. No lodging expenses, no food on the cruise... And it even works with my training schedule. Chances it's going to happen? Probably slim to none, but it gives me something to work for and look forward to...

Quitting two vices at the same time...

2009-02-04T15:54:00.000-08:00

I have two vices. Well, actually, I have many vices... but two really big ones: sugar and Premarin. Both are really good....but really bad for me. So in the ultimate test of self-discipline, I'm giving them both up. At the same time. It's kind of like ripping a band-aid off quickly... except that this is a really big band-aid and it's taking a long time to rip off!

But before I start sounding all big and noble, my motivations were not health-based, rather financially based. (the health benefits are just a HUGE positive side-effect). You may be wondering how giving up sugar could have financial motivations - pretty simple - I have a rule: I will not buy clothes in a bigger size than I currently own. This can be a tough rule to uphold when your butt is expanding at an ever-increasing rate. When it comes to the point when you're wearing the same pair of jeans every day, simply because they haven't been in the dryer for awhile, they're stretched out, and you can still button them, there's a problem. Thus, the Atkins induction for two weeks (of which I am now on day 10!). I love sugar - specifically in the form of cake, cookies, and ice cream. Love it. I crave it. I love dessert. I somehow can't manage to ever eat the last bite of my lunch or dinner, but yet always have room for dessert. (hmmmm....wonder why my clothes don't fit...)

Now the other vice: Premarin. I've been taking it every day for almost 9 years... although they now recommend that women only take it for no more than 3 years. Risks: blood clots and breast cancer. Benefits: No hot flashes and no menopausal mood swings. Silly, I know. Most people would think that's an easy choice... however, if you've never experienced a hot flash (picture: your head trapped in a blazing furnace), it's hard to explain. So while I know I should have done this much sooner, I finally had the kick in the pants that I needed: no prescription coverage. While I'm thrilled to be out of Corporate America, a beautiful perk was great health insurance which covered the majority of the cost. It's hard to justify spending more than $100/month to avoid hot flashes. So I'm doing it.... finally...

If I had a choice, sugar or estrogen, I think I'd take the estrogen! ;-)

Ah... one of my great loves!

2009-02-04T14:43:00.000-08:00

Bookstores. I love them. I absolutely, truly love them. It's my idea of heaven.

However... real life doesn't allow for a lot of time for visiting bookstores and the majority of my book purchases are done on Amazon.com. I forgot how much I loved the brick and mortar store.

When I was young, there was a WaldenBooks in the Maine Mall. Most of the girls my age would head to the clothing stores... not me. WaldenBooks was my first stop and my last stop with every visit. And today, bringing together books and coffee?! What a brilliant idea!!

As mentioned above, most of my book purchases are done online, but I needed a certain book today for training material development, so we went to Borders. I'm not sure what it is, but there's something almost magical about being surrounded by all of that information. I want to just stay there all day... or maybe a week.... or month... I wish we could have spent more time there, sipping coffee, perusing.

I used to read books voraciously, finishing at least 3 or 4 a week. Now it seems our time is filled with the Internet, tv, etc. (of course, growing up we didn't have cable and one of our three channels didn't come in very well - no wonder I was always reading!). I'm setting a goal to read at least 45 minutes in the morning and 45 minutes at night to try and get through my list of books that I want to read. I'm starting with Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Still a no-go on the cardio or hiking, but I was able to wear a shoe for the first time today! Progress! Every time I see "our" mountain, the big one, I'm just itching to go hiking again. I'm going to look through my book "Hiking Arizona" and start scheduling some good hikes and backpacking trips. Gotta be ready - August and RMNP will be here before we know it.

Day Eight - Ketosis!

2009-02-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update because I'm beat tonight...

Great news: Got the HUGE order complete. It was down to the last minute, literally, but it's out the door and the client loves everything (and already ordered more!)

On the other business, we've got a number of big opportunities in front of us. There's definitely no shortage of work and D and I will be working under tight deadlines more than not over the next few months. We are so blessed!

On the diet front, still 100% on food, no desire to cheat whatsoever. I actually don't even feel like I'm dieting. I've lost 4 pounds and more than 5% body fat. :-) Only 4 more pounds to my goal weight! I am definitely in ketosis, with that lovely taste in my mouth, but I'll take the taste! Glad to know my body is responding.

I'm really disappointed, though, about not being able to work out. We were on such a roll and this ankle thing is a huge inconvenience. I really need to be not only doing my weights but also cardio... :-( Hopefully a few more days of rest and it will be back to normal.

Time to Make the Products....

2009-02-01T05:24:00.000-08:00

Still working on the products for the big order due on Monday and I would say I'm about 2/3 complete - even with working yesterday from 3am - 10pm (and having Brandy help me for awhile). So the possibility of attending the super bowl party today is looking pretty slim - such a bummer. What are the chances of the Cardinals being in the Super Bowl??? But I'm going to work my butt off and see where we end up.

Eating plan - still 100% - have not exceeded my calorie goal or my carbs for a week and I'm plenty satisfied. I really do not feel like I'm dieting at all... which is great! (I hate to diet!!). Today might be tough if we do go to the party - I'm sure there will be lots of really tempting food. But one more week - I'm making progress and don't want to stop that progress, especially since I can't work out right now (which really sucks by the way!).

So after 6 days, I've lost 3 pounds and about 6% of my body fat! I wish the weight was more, but I'm really pleased with the body fat %.

Ok - back to working on product! :-)

Can't sleep

2009-01-31T02:42:00.000-08:00

3:00 a.m..... I'm awake..... My ankle hurts and it seems that no matter what I position I lay in, I cannot get comfortable. I finally abandon the attempt, feeling bad that my tossing and turning must be interfering with D's sleep.

So, I'm going to take advantage of the time and make products. The sooner that's done, the sooner I can turn my attention to training material development.

Day five of the plan was relatively uneventful - eating stayed right on track with no real problems (wasn't able to squeeze in time for the upper body workout though... bummer).

Day Four...not too bad

2009-01-30T06:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was day four of the two week challenge, and really I haven't had a problem with the food end. Given that I'm a huge carb addict, I thought for sure this would be tough, but it's really not. We picked up some protein sources - turkey bacon, cheese, Atkins Advantage bars and shakes - all pretty good stuff. And we even have a little treat - Breyer's makes Carb Smart ice cream. This time we have the ice cream bars and they're awesome!

The only complication that's come up is the exercise plan. I had a little incident with the stairs on Wednesday night (after our big hike - yes, I can handle climbing and descending the biggest peak, but struggle a bit with four stairs) so my left ankle is out of commission for awhile. BIG BUMMER. No yoga, no hiking, no skating, no running. Which means I should be taking advantage of upper body weight training, however yesterday (16 hours straight) was consumed with making products for those big orders. Which 16 hours on my foot probably was not the best way to speed the healing. Oh well, what are you going to do?

So far I've only lost 1.8 pounds and 3.4% body fat. :-( Ten more days to go!!

A great story!

2009-01-28T19:10:00.000-08:00

I was born loving the outdoors: the trees, mountains, rivers, lakes, wildlife. As a Goodrich, and being sturdy Maine stock, it was in my blood (and one of the few positive attributes of the gene pool). I always believed that if someone didn't believe in God, they just needed to find a spot in nature, far away from people, surrounded by the beautiful world he created, and they would have no choice but to believe.

However, although it's been 12 years since I moved to Arizona, I've never become particularly fond of the desert. While the sunsets here are second to none and there is a beautiful stoicism to the saguaro cacti, the harsh bareness of the desert just didn't appeal to me. Even the creatures of the desert are far from cuddly (although I am quite taken by coyotes and javelina!). But the past few months living in Vistancia, and especially the last couple of weeks, have made me realize just how beautiful the desert can be (especially when it's not 120 degrees).

In preparation for our big backpacking trip this summer to Rocky Mountain National Park, D and I decided to start hiking some of the desert and peaks around our home. We are literally across the street from a desert preserve and flanked on three sides by mountain ranges. We hiked to the top of White Peak last week - named for it's white appearance caused by the amazing prevalence of quartz.

WHITE PEAK - and me on top of White Peak!

After hiking a few other smaller peaks within walking distance, we set our sights on the highest peak in the range. Honestly, while I was excited to try and see how far we got, I was a little skeptical that we could really make it to the top. So we set out this morning determined to give it a try. Both D and I are pretty competitive and strong-willed, so it would take a lot for us to quit. We made our way along the CAP (Central Arizona Project - the canal that feeds the city's water) and when it looked about right, we shimmied on the ground under the barbed wire fence leading to the desert. There were no trails to our mountain, so we cut straight through the desert and followed a wash a good distance. Because of the wet winter, the desert was amazingly green and lush.

About a mile and a half in, we found ourselves at the base of the peak and took a few minutes to determine the best course. The south side of the mountain, that we were facing, was particularly steep and rocky, so we decided to make our way on an angle up the back. It was a pretty hostile trek, with the terrain littered with rough volcanic rock, prickly desert brush, and multiple species of cacti (saguaro, jumping cholla, etc.) We kept our eyes open for rattlesnakes, but given that it's winter, all was quiet.

The wash on the way out to the peak

About 2/3 of the way up, the views were already amazing. And although the thought did cross our mind to give up and turn back, we both got our second wind and moved forward with determination despite the fact that we were at the steepest and by far most difficult part of the hike. And then we were there... at the top of the tallest peak looking out at the most breath-taking views of the Phoenix area: to the north we could see Anthem, the Hieroglyphic Peaks, to the south the White Tanks, to the northwest Lake Pleasant. We could even see all the way down to the city and the Cardinals Stadium. It is almost impossible to put into words the utter beauty that surrounded us. And the most incredible part was that we were in a place of complete solitude that we could only imagine had been visited but a few times. After all, who in their right mind would trailblaze up this peak?

The landscape on the way up Me next to a saguaro (they're TALL!)

As Devin took some pictures, I relaxed on a rock just absorbing the views, the sound of the birds, and the cold wind. The cactus wrens were flying below us and a big hawk circled over the top. As I sat there, a pair of curious lizards got closer and closer, sneaking up, hiding under rocks and then scurrying out. All I could think of was the two opossums in Ice Age 2.

Me at the top!!!
Now here's the GREAT STORY part of the blog:

I was sitting on a big rock on the edge of the ridge when D came over to sit next to me. The rock he chose was tilted down but was a good flat surface. "I can't believe someone did this" he said, pointing to an engraving in the rock. I was so lost in the experience that I hadn't even noticed the "graffiti". We both looked closer: a heart with NA + LA inside of it and next to the heart, the date: 1-28-1941. "Do you know what the date is today?" I asked him. With disbelief, we realized that we were at the very same spot as N.A. and L.A., sixty-eight years to the day they were here. Of all the rocks on all of the peaks on all of the days of the year, what brought us to the exact spot? The writing was not visible from the main part of the ridge and could have only been discovered by viewing it from the very outside edge.

The amazing thing is that in 2009, we are way out on the very edge of civilization and it took a tough 1 1/2 mile hike to get to the base. In 1941, there was nothing for miles! We learned that in 1928 a damn was constructed on the Aqua Fria River creating Lake Pleasant and was used primarily as an agricultural storage facility. There was a resort to the far north, built around a hot spring, that was frequented by the very rich and powerful from the 1920s through the early 1940s. Perhaps our mystery N.A. was a wealthy eccentric who found pleasure in exploring! (Interesting fact: During 1943-1944 the aforementioned resort was turned into a rehabilitation center for the US Military and JFK was actually a patient there for three months).

After marveling over our discovery and of course, carving a matching set of initials and today's date, we decided to make our way down the mountain. At this point we were pretty wiped out so we decided to just go ahead and go straight down the steep side (maybe we delirious or maybe we just were cocky and overconfident from making it to the top!). In a half of mile we descended 660 feet over loose lava rock and those damn jumping chollas. It was definitely nerve-wracking.

Note on jumping chollas: They HURT. They are named jumping chollas, because when something comes in contact with one of the arms, it breaks off and lodges into whatever hit it. The spines are barbed and once they stick you, it hurts to pull it back out. I managed to get a few in my shoes and one stuck in my leg. Not cool. But then again, it's all part of the experience!

Finally we were back down on level ground and on our way back along CAP. But this time, we took the road up to the bridge versus sliding on our bellies under the barbed wire! (We discovered the path when we were on the top of the peak looking down!).

We went a total of 4.1 miles in about 3 hours - what an amazing journey. While we were on the ridge we were able to chart future hikes and explorations. I can say that my love of the outdoors has now expanded to include this incredible desert!

The view from the top - the peak in the distance is White Peak, View of the CAP and our neighborhood.

Day Two - :-)

2009-01-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

Perfect way to end day two of our diet/workout challenge: watching Biggest Loser! We love it!!

D and I repeated our 8 mile skate and this time, I'm very happy to report, it was much easier. Not to say there weren't some points on the way home that weren't a struggle, but a couple of breaks and we were able to finish it pretty easily. However, other than that hour of fat-burning, I didn't get my 30 minutes of cardio or any weight training done. (Dang work got in the way!)

Weight loss: 1.4 pounds
Body fat % loss: 1.2%

Two week goal is weight loss of 7.6 pounds and body fat % loss of 6%.

Diet so far has been really easy - doing the Atkins Induction phase and I'm actually having a hard time taking in enough food. Already noticing a change in my belly!

So far, so good!!

Tomorrow: Big hike up a daunting peak north of our house.

End of Day One!

2009-01-26T19:36:00.000-08:00

Aside from the typical occurrence of not having enough hours in the day, today was a good day! I did my one mile run this morning, not quite at the pace that I'd like, but it will get better. D and I went for a 3-mile hike and went to the top of a little mini-mountain/hill that we hadn't climbed before. The desert was beautiful in the cool weather and highlighted by blanket of green on the ground.

After our hike, we worked in our yard for a few hours and then did some weight training. I did pretty good on the carb intake (with the exception of a mix-up with some soup!) We'll see! Hopefully it will work!

Tomorrow we're doing a 9-mile skate after my morning business meetings.

Day One

2009-01-26T06:59:00.001-08:00

Well, I've been working out more consistently and watching what I eat, but my weight is not budging one bit. In fact, I've gained a pound. So Devin and I are taking a hard-core approach to getting into shape. This was fueled in part by some time spent looking at all of the pictures from Hawaii. We were in such great shape and felt good! So in order to kick-start my metabolism, I'm going to do Atkins Induction for the next two weeks and workout every day. For anyone who knows me, this is a little like torture to me. I'm a total carb addict. But, I want this weight off!

I will keep my blog updated with my progress to see if it works... I swear, the older we get, harder it is to get the weight off. :-(

On a side note, all is well in my little world. Brandy has settled in to her base and her job, Brooke just finished EMT (YAY!!), and Brit's moved into her new apartment. Devin and I continue to work together on the businesses and we have a big opportunity coming up very soon! It's so awesome to have him working with me on this!!

Quick catch-up post

2009-01-09T10:34:00.001-08:00

I realized it's been awhile since I updated, so here's a super quick catch-up post! :-)

Life is going great and I'm continually reminded of all of God's blessings and the miracles He works in our lives.

Despite some sadness over Christmas, we had a truly incredible experience. Brandy and Brooke both got baptized by Pastor Ray in our pool. The three brave souls hit that pool at what had to be a very chilly 60 degrees. It was so incredible! (especially for those of us watching in the dry warmth of our clothes!LOL).

We were able to spend a lot of time with Brandy, helped her get her car, and then Brooke and I (with Sierra's help!) drove her out to her station in California. We had a really fun road trip even though it was just an overnighter.

Now just busy, busy with work. Finalizing up a big job for one of our top clients. Once that is done, turning my attention back to finishing up my books, revising the site, doing some marketing for Sweet Body Spa, and if that's not enough, finishing up my last few classes and probably trying to get my Master Six Sigma certification.

Never a dull moment!

(Oh, and much more likely to write on a regular basis now that I have my super-fast new laptop!!)

Meet Hailee!!

2008-12-14T18:42:00.001-08:00

Spivey Algernon Fremouw - RIP

2008-12-10T10:21:00.001-08:00

So little and so sweet...
He took his last breath on our garage floor
The cutest little mouse
We named him Spivey Algernon Fremouw
And I gave him a proper burial
Under a tree in our front yard
Rest in Peace our little friend

(yes, we're dorks. LOL)

Bad movie, good movie

2008-12-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

Class got done early today, so I was able to enjoy a low-key afternoon and evening. I walked on the beach and the pier, watched the seals for awhile, took some pictures, and got my dinner from Avila Grocery. Back at the room, I settled in with my sandwich, prepped for class, and got a chance to watch a couple of movies.

First was P.S. I Love You, with Hilary Swank.... it was honestly quite bad. I really enjoyed her in Million Dollar Baby, but this movie was slow, sad, and rather odd.

Second movie was Anywhere But Here, one of my favorites, with Susan Sarandon and Natalie Portman. This is a movie that they got right. They got it right enough that when I watch it, I always feel a little guilty when I recognize the resemblance between Sarandon's character and myself. She's a bit crazy, single mother, and can't stand being in her small town anymore. She has big dreams and limited possibilities. The power gets shut off occasionally and when totally depressed, she and her teenage daughter get ice cream. Her ex left when the daughter (Portman) was very young.

I was, probably still am, that crazy mother. I believed fiercely in my dreams and packed up my girls to find "a new life". I remember a few blips in our electricity and cable. But what strikes me most is that no matter the disagreements and struggles, Sarandon captures the absolute love and unwavering adoration of her daughter. Despite hurts on both sides, all they have is each other. I have regrets that I wasn't a better mother, that I perhaps didn't set a good example, but you know what, I loved my girls from the moment I felt them move and that love has only grown over the years. Yeah, our life might have been a little unconventional, may have lacked some of the material things in life, but it did not lack love. And hey, that touch of craziness just made our life more interesting, right?

Even if they are on the verge of being adults themselves and think they are big, I know the truth: they will always be my babies.

Thanksgiving

2008-12-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

Truth be told, Thanksgiving was a huge heartbreak and one that may take a little bit of time for me to mend. I was so excited about having the whole family there, especially with Brandy flying in as a special guest on Thursday night.

We had already planned to move the dinner to Friday dinner because Tom and Sue were going to be out of the country until Thursday evening and that would give me an extra day to recover from my surgery. I cooked lots of food (two turkeys, a ham, 8 pies, etc) with help from Brooke and Brandy. We decorated everything to reflect the festivities.

Understatement of the century, but things didn't go at all as expected. I can't even go into a lot of details without crying. Maybe I'll write more later, but suffice to say I 'm struggling with the idea of doing another family gathering anytime soon. At the very least, the guest list will be significantly reduced with certain parties eliminated.
Best part of the day: time with the Fremouw family and the babies!!! Lots of time with my babies (although 22, 19, and 17) might not qualify as babies!

I was once again reminded just how thankful I am for Devin's family and my girls!

She's Here...

2008-12-05T19:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Hailee!!!!!

My first grandchild (ok, almost-grandchild) is here!!! Little baby Hailee was born today weighing 6lbs, 15 oz!! Treva did an amazing job! I cannot wait to meet little Miss Hailee! And guess who gets to take her first official photographs?

Unfortunately, I have to wait until Monday, at the earliest, to see her since I flew to Avila Beach this morning (although what a great place to be!). My flight to SFO was cancelled, but United had me re-booked on US Airways and although I had to switch terminals, I was able to take a direct flight to San Luis Obispo.

If I haven't mentioned it before, I LOVE Avila Beach! And keep in mind, I'm just not a California gal... I'm east coast, all the way. Completely prefer the Atlantic Ocean over the Pacific Ocean. (Although San Francisco is one of my favorite cities). But there is just something about Avila Beach. It's beautiful, unique, and incredibly quiet. Like an undiscovered Mayberry plopped down on the most choice piece of land imagineable. I've met and talked with enough of the locals to firmly believe that they are genuinely nice and down-to-earth, with a kindness and compassion unlike any other place I've visited. It's this genuine friendliness that makes the customer service and customer experience top notch.

My recommendations:

Joe Momma's Coffee Shop - not only do I rent a room from them (skip the hotel and go for the local feel!) but they also provide my morning latte!

Avila Beach Grocery - A++++ for the cheeseburger and homemade chips. I will go out on a limb and say they make the best cheeseburger ever! Add the great service onto it, and it's pretty much heaven!

The pier - nothing negative to say. You get your exercise while practically feeling as though you are walking on water. Not just regular water, the powerful ocean that is just teeming with sea creatures! The local fisherman add flavor to the experience and there is nothing better than a beautiful sunset with the light sparkling off the water. Breathtaking.

And of course, no visit would be complete without a stop at Hula Hut - LOVE their fudge!!

It took some patience, but I was able to eventually catch a mommy and baby dolphin! Oh, and I was entertained by a Rock Star sea bird. He was all about getting his picture taken - even to the point of posing for over 45 minutes with his wings spread out to each side. Funniest thing!

Yes, this is now on my list as a favorite place (along with Standish, Bucksport, Old Orchard, and Raymond, ME, Bangalore and Kibini India, and Brighton, England).

Avila Beach mystery - can you identify this sea creature?

2008-11-17T19:36:00.000-08:00

Avila Beach is beautiful and ranks in my top five favorite places on Earth now. I have a ton of photos, but have a serious mystery on my hands. I took a bunch of photos from the pier but there's one creature I can't identify.

See if you can figure it out!! I know the first three....

A dive-bomber bird... very cool in action

A playful sealion...

A beautiful dolphin...

But what the heck is this????????? Whale? Shark? It's actually white, so I'm thinking whale (which Avila Beach is on the migratory path at this time of year) but Brooke is arguing with me that only whales that are in captivity have bent fins.

Favorite New Song

2008-11-14T21:23:00.000-08:00

Addison Road - Hope Now
From the album Addison Road

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of?
When I call out your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm yours I'm not my own
I've been carried by you
All my life
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
And make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm
I'm not my own
I've been carried by you
All my life
You've become my heart's desire
And I will sing your praises higher
Cause your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

Forgiveness

2008-11-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

God is great at giving us messages, we just need to listen to those messages. Sometimes they are subtle. Sometimes they are like a 2x4 upside the head. I recently had the 2x4 type of message.

D and I have been much more active with our church (Desert Breeze Community Church - simply AMAZING!) and have recently graduated from their Game of Life class, which was incredible. We have joined a small group (Pastor Ray and the church members believe life change happens best in small groups - and it's so true!) and I am so excited about the direction in which our life is going. I'm putting everything we've learned into action and truly trying to live by His word.

But then real life hits and I take a major detour, or should I say backslide.

Here is the story of one such backslide. Needless to say, elections can be energy-charged and emotional. We had a lot at stake during this particular election and the risk at which our country could potentially (and now IS) under, definitely allowed my emotions to get the better of me. (Especially given that two of my children are giving their life to their country which now has a Commander-in-Chief with absolutely NO military experience.....oops... that was a tangent....sorry). To make a long (and ugly) story short, I lost my temper with some folks in the line at the polls. They had failed to read the signs directing individuals with the last name A-L in one line and M-Z in the other line. Instead of changing lines once they realized their mistake, they decided to stay in the wrong line until they got to the registration table, so that they could simply move over to the correct line without having to "go to the end of the line".

Enter Belinda being irrational and emotional. I made it known that I was not happy with their approach (you know, the "hey, I just screwed up, but instead of inconveniencing myself, I'd rather have everyone else pay for it" - hmmmmm.... wonder who they were voting for??). I also made a comment as to the fact that if they can't read the signs, should they really be casting a ballot for the next President of the US? (yes, I know.... I was being a jerk). They became obviously as outraged by my comments as I was by their behavior, and do you think I would back down?? Of course not (see earlier note about being irrational and emotional).

Suddenly the woman turns and looks at me and says "Can't you have any forgiveness?" Ouch. There was a shock right to the core of my being. It stung. But again, I'm still irrational and emotional.

By the time I get my ballot and finish my voting, I'm feeling regret over my behavior and I keep coming back to her choice of words. Forgiveness. I look for the people outside of the polling location so that I can apologize, but they are gone. For the next week, it tears at my heart. It eats me up inside. I want to apologize. It's not them that needs forgiveness, it is me. I try to think of some way I can possibly apologize. Could I post a bulletin on our community website? Would they see it? Maybe the local paper?

Now, at the same time this is all happening, I have another long-waging battle going on. One that I have been praying about for awhile and really hoping to end, once and for all. It was a black, deep-rooted bitterness and resentment toward my sister. I felt it fester inside me like a cancer, it was all-consuming and constantly ate at me, threatening to overshadow any positive in my life. I was so angry with her and I could not let it go. When I felt my heart start to soften, I would think about the worst of the worst over the past two years and my anger would come back.

While I was traveling a few weeks earlier, I read an article about these four sisters. One had been badly burnt over 90% of her body in a small plane accident with her husband. She shouldn't survive, but she did. Her sisters pitched in, stepping in to raise her children. They visited her constantly, talked with her daily, sat beside her, cried next to her, and they desperately loved, prayed for, and supported their sister. She was a blogger, and while she lay in a coma, they updated her blog. My heart grieved for my sister, not in a coma, not dead, but simply removed from my life through unforgiveness.

But it wasn't until a week after the "poll incident" (aka Belinda's a jerk suffering from verbal diarrhea), that I finally got it. There's the 2x4. Upside the head.... hard. God realized that I wouldn't come to on my own through gentle messages. Nor through weekly church services. Not through discussion in our small groups. I needed a painful assault. And I needed the word "Forgiveness" to get the message.

The day it finally clicked, I sent my sister a text message. It was our first contact in over 2 1/2 years. The next day she responded, and we talked for over two hours that night on the phone. I'm still fearful at times at what the future might hold, that she might hurt me or us again, but it's ok. Because although I could never forget what happened, I can forgive. And as she apologized to me, I realized she was not the only one at fault. I had carried a self-righteous, bitter and unforgiving attitude for all of those months. I, too, needed her forgiveness.

She moves back to the valley tomorrow and I'm actually excited about the possibilities of reconnecting with my sister. We've talked a lot about DBCC and she has promised to check it out.

Perhaps the biggest lesson of my life, and it required the mirror to be held in front of me until I could no longer turn from my reflection. I had to recognize that person that was in the mirror.

A Happy Travel Story

2008-11-13T08:29:00.001-08:00

As I breezed through airport security this morning and settled myself in at the gate, it struck me that it's fairly rare to hear a "happy" travel story. In leading customer loyalty training, it was all but a guarantee that a student would speak of their disastrous experience with this airline, or that rental car company, or a particular airport. Perhaps it's simply due to the fact that I have traveled so much and have thus discovered the easiest path, but for the most part I have great travel experiences. This benefits not only me, but also the nervous, bewildered, overwhelmed, and generally inexperienced travelers around me. Just like the dogs pick up on their "pack leader's" feelings and attitudes, a positive attitude is helpful, if not contagious, within a perhaps negatively charged environment of air travel.

Case in point this morning. I arrived at the airport nice and early (of course!) which would be my number one recommendation to anyone who is stressed about impending travel. I fly United and I love them. After traveling most every major airline out there, United is by far the best. If you have flown United out of Phoenix, you know that terminal two is low-traffic, well laid-out, and efficient. (to the contrary, terminal four is a nightmare. One that I will avoid at all costs - yes, even paying more to fly United to avoid US Airways or the other airlines out of terminal four). So RULE ONE - Arrive Early.

Devin drops me off at the curb and we are not rushed nor is there any difficulty finding a drop-off spot right in front of the door. I walk in and walk directly to a self-service terminal. Within a minute and a half, I am checked in and a friendly (yes, friendly) agent takes my bags. There are no lines at security, and I'm actually able to smile and have small talk with the security agent that is checking IDs. I am a Premier member, and although that allows me through the expedited security line, there's no need, as there is only about six people heading through security at this particular time.

I have the security check process down to a science, almost to the point where I find the routine comforting (yes, I think that qualifies me to be clinically insane - who likes the security process at airports??!!). I slip off my shoes, take my ziplock baggy containing my lipbalm out of the front pocket of my backpack, slide out my laptop, and toss my shoes, baggy, sweater and phone in one bin, my laptop in the other.
Rule Two: Dress and Pack for the Security Process - slip off shoes, boarding ticket in your pocket, liquids in your one handy-dandy zip-lock bag and easily accessible, pockets empty.

The lady in front of me is stressed, as is typical - I seem to always have the person in front of me who hasn't traveled, or is in a rush, or who is overwhelmed by what needs to be removed from their body, their bag, etc. But here's where it gets good. I smile, I tell them no worries, don't rush. If possible, I help them to grab another bin, hold a child's hand, etc. Today it was a dog, a little chihuahua, tucked into an expensive-looking bag. The owner was frazzled, trying to walk through with the bag, her shoes on, and all the time being stressed that she might be holding up the line. Remember, there's only me behind her and a handful of other travelers. I reassure her, help her get the high-strung pup out of his bag, and hold his leash while she slips off her shoes.

I walk through security and make a point to say good morning to them all, people that are doing a thankless job in a high-stress environment. Their faces look familiar, and although I'm sure they don't recognize me, I like to believe that they are grateful for a friendly smile and a kind word.

As I settle into my gate, I see the lady with the chihuahua walking by. She stops and thanks me again for helping her. Maybe I made her day a little better. :-)

And here is the other big lesson I've learned from traveling. DON'T STRESS! Prepare for airline delays, missed connections, lost luggage. Bottom line, you will get where you're going and eventually you'll get your bags. Bring books and candy (ha ha) and enjoy the interactions with new people. And know that it's not the gate agent's fault if the flight is delayed, or the flight attendants, or the ticket agents.
Rule Three - Don't Stress! Be prepared for the worst and grateful of the best!

Now, having given my Polly Anna view of travel, that's not to say it's all rosy. I still struggle with the herding/panic instinct that sets in as a plane begins to board. Perhaps it's the Southwest mentality of "rush-to-get-a-seat", but I cannot understand why everyone stands up and crowds the walkway at the first sign of activity behind the counter. I want to tell them all, "you all have reserved seats, the plane isn't going to leave without you". Why block the walkway?? And it never ceases to amaze me that people try to board with group one when they are in group four. I feel sincerely vindicated when the gate agent denies their entry to the plane and proceeds to make an announcement (again) that they are only boarding group one (or group two or group three) at this time and please do NOT try to board before your group number is called.
Rule Four - Sit down and RELAX! Don't stand up and stand in the way before your group number is called!

Other than Southwest mentality, I don't mind traveling and have actually learned to appreciate the experience (ok, other than hitting the wake of the previous plane at Newark airport - gave me a whole new perspective on NOT dying in a plane crash).

And major kudos to Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix - FREE WIFI! They ROCK!

Update to post - My flight from PHX is delayed (ha ha!), but it's OK, because I allowed enough time for my connection. I know that morning flights to SFO tend to be delayed, either due to fog or heavy air traffic. When connecting in SFO, I always leave extra time between my connecting flights!
Rule Five - Allow Sufficient Time Between Connections!

Another cause of stress, is the inability to bring on or find space for carry-ons. Keep it simple - bring one bag that fits beneath the seat in front of you. Check whatever you can and allow for the additional time to retrieve your bags at your destination. Really, it's worth the extra time to eliminate the stress!
Rule Six - Minimal Carry-ons!

Rule Seven - Don't have loud conversations on your cell phone at the gate. Other passengers really don't care that your child overslept, your secretary lost the report, you need a ride from the airport, you hate air travel, or that you have gastro-intestinal upset. Either talk quietly or text! LOL

Pure Joy...

2008-11-10T15:43:00.000-08:00

for Sampson is that moment on our walk
as we turn the corner towards our house
and we drop his leash
"Home Sammy!" we yell
At full speed, he bolts toward his home
reaches his destination and turns to watch us approach
wagging his tail
and if dogs smile
he is smiling

Roughing it!

2008-10-05T18:52:00.000-07:00

From what I can tell in the pitch dark, Bushkill reminds me of my hometown in Maine. One main street, narrowly winding along the river, made all the more picturesque by the Fall colors on the trees. Living in the city for so long, I'm slightly startled by the complete and total darkness in the country. Normally it wouldn't bother me, but when I'm somewhere new, it knocks me off kilter, just a bit.

The driving directions were pretty clear and almost two hours after leaving Newark airport, I found my way to the "resort" (more about that later!). I made my way down some steps, mainly through feeling my way, toward the learning center. Although I was slightly anxious by the unknowns of the coming week, I couldn't help but drink in the cold air, smell of wood fires, and crispy leaves under my feet. Ahhh.... you can take the girl out of Maine but you can't take Maine out of the girl. Did I appreciate nature, seasons, and everything else that comes with that package when I was in Maine? Actually, I think I did.

Although there were lights on inside, it took quite a few insistent knocks at the door before someone opened it up. I introduced myself and was handed a key and in response to my blank look, the lady offered me a map of the resort. Ummmm.... ok..... could I see my classroom? "sure, it's room 2". ummmmm.....ok...... "down the stairs, around the corner", stated somewhat impatiently. I checked it out and everything looks pretty good, set up well. I decided to check out my residence for the next week. Back to the car, down a tiny road to the first set of villas. Easy walk from the learning center to my villa - that's nice (although I need the exercise).

My headlights illuminated the stairs down to the main door of the villa. Lots of stairs, narrow, dark. So I just decided to make multiple trips with my stuff. First trip down with my backpack and drink, down the stairs, round the corner, and there he was... One of the biggest and most outgoing raccoons I had ever encountered (and yes, I've encountered quite a few!). He was busy having a feast in the trash outside the villa two doors down and he looked none too happy that I had come upon his dinner process. I told him no worries, he could do his thing... but I guess he didn't quite trust me because he ever so slowly climbed up the tree next to the patio, never taking his eyes off of me. Don't worry, dude, I'm hungry, but not that hungry.

Back up to the car for my suitcase, another trip for my laptop bag and books. The room looks a lot like it does on line, just dingier. I'm in a two-bedroom villa - with 2 bedrooms and 2 baths downstairs, a kitchen/dining/living area on the main floor and then a loft with two more beds. There was something a little creepy to me downstairs, so I've made my bed on the couch in the living room and will sleep here for the night. I'm sure after one night of that, I'll move downstairs to one of the beds.

I definitely need to go to the store and gets some drinks/snacks/dinners - but I felt it was probably too late tonight. Hopefully the schedule tomorrow will allow me time to go shopping in the evening. Oh, and the ultimate....there's a Friendly's about 8 miles away. I just might have to go over there for dinner!!!

So I can't really see anything tonight but I'm excited to check everything out tomorrow. I have my alarm set for 4:30 so I can get up, shower, take a walk, prep my class, etc. before class begins. Oh and no cell phone reception so you will need to email me!!

Settling In...

2008-09-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

Not quite a month after closing on the house and it feels like we are definitely starting to settle in and establish our routines. Pretty much from the minute we moved in, it felt like home. Although it feels a bit overwhelming at times to think of how much we want to do to make it completely ours, I also want to enjoy the process of making it our home.

The dogs acclimated extremely well and it is evident that they love their new home and especially love going for walks. Vistancia provides a welcome environment for the pups with a great trail system and plenty of open desert for exploring. If all goes well, we try and take them for a walk every morning and sometimes again in the evening. D takes Sam and Bangara and I take Baxter and Sierra. (I swear Sierra needs Ritalin, though - she suffers from an acute case of ADHD!) Sierra and Baxter practically choke themselves through the first part of the walk, but eventually settle in (and tire out!). D has done a great job with the bigger boys and we've even gotten to the point where we can let go of their leashes around the corner and they run to the house by themselves. This is a HUGE change for them!

We still have some work to do on releasing some of Baxter's and Bangara's negative energy and territorialism, however. The other morning some guy was walking his dogs down the sidewalk behind our house and neither Baxter nor Bangara were too happy about it. Their aggression toward those dogs spilled over and they ended up having a bit of a tussle. Needless to say, Baxter wore the wounds from that little encounter with a little bite on his chin. Probably wouldn't have been that big of a deal, however, it was in a spot where it was tough to stop the bleeding. Mix that with him being all white and a chronic licker... next thing you know, he looked like the canine version of Steven King's Carrie. Sierra, being the girl/mom that she is, laid worried outside Baxter's crate, even bringing over her "baby" for him. She is the sweetest little girl.

Brandy is now settling in as well in her new location - Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. It is so awesome to be able to have full cell phone and email contact and I love getting all of the updates on her class. She is the only girl in her class and is kick butt (of course!). I can't wait to see her again, although it is crazy to think the next time won't be until Christmas. This will be the first birthday of hers that I won't be spending the day with her. :-(

Today is a big day for Brooke - we are going to get her senior pictures done. Although, she only wants the picture for her yearbook done right now and we'll do the rest of her photos after she gets her braces off. Seems impossible that my baby is graduating. Where did the years go? It seems like just yesterday they were babies.

More later.... gotta run!

Pride

2008-08-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

It has been an incredible few weeks and there is so much to write about that I'm reminded once again why I should update my blog at least a few times per week (versus a few times per month!).

You may be wondering about the title of this particular blog, PRIDE, but as I thought of the perfect title it was the one most prevailing feeling over the past few weeks, so I deemed it most appropriate. Pride in my daughters, pride in my country, pride in my city, pride in my family. In a world that tends to be hung up on negativity and as we are deluged with stories and images of pain, suffering, crime, it feels good to be able to highlight the positive.

Brooke started school last week and has approached this year with a drive and determination that is admirable. Instead of slacking off or coasting through her senior year, she has decided to get the most out of the year. Between taking the EMT program at the community college and trying out for and making the swim team, she is on the go from early in the morning (has to be at the school at 5 am every day for swim practice) through late at night. As if swimming, EMT, pre-calc, an on-line course, hockey, and Navy meetings weren't enough, she also starts a new job this week. We are so impressed and proud of her focus and dedication!

This was the week we've been waiting for as D and I traveled to Great Lakes Naval Base to see Brandy graduate from basic training. It was very disappointing that only the two of us could go, but due to the high price of airfare, there was just no way we could purchase tickets. We flew into O'Hare on Thursday afternoon and drove about 45 minutes north and found the hotel with relative ease. After a quick dinner at Giordano's, we turned in early knowing we would be back up very early on Friday to drive to the base.

Brandy had warned me about the traffic back-ups trying to get into base on graduation day, so I was pretty tense until we made it through the line, security, and a packed parking lot and made our way to the hall. As we entered the hall, we found the section designated for her division and found seats square in the center. Time seemed to move so slow waiting for the ceremony to begin - and it was so hard to believe I was finally going to be seeing her! After a seeming eternity, it began with a state flag ceremony which was pretty cool. The divisions were introduced and entered the hall in numeric order. 310, 311, 312, 313.... I'm waiting, camera on and ready to go... 314, 315.... 316..... and yes, 317! As I strained to see her division entering on the other end of the hall, I worried that I might not be able to find her. But as they turned the corner and started marching toward us, there she was, right in front, holding her division flag. It was definitely Brandy.

She looked awesome in her uniform, the shortest one in her division, holding a huge flag, all business and focused on the job at hand. They marched past us and took their place in the formation and she stopped right in front of us. As the ceremony progressed, I was curious about the officers (I think they were officers!) marching up and down the rows of sailors, looking at each of them, resembling secret service agents. It wasn't long before their job became evident, as sailors started to get dizzy, with some even fainting. With the first sign of wooziness, the "secret service agents" would swoop in and remove the ailing sailor, amazingly before most hit the ground. And there was Brandy, right in front, full dress uniform, holding this huge flag.... oh no, what if she fainted? I watched her start to sway a little, lean back, shift her foot and tried to remind myself that she had years of practice in marching band. She could do this. And she did! No fainting for her!

As a final step, the commanding officer inspected the new sailors and then their liberty was announced. Brandy broke away and practically ran over to us. That was one of the best hugs I have ever received! And yes, I started crying.... tears of relief, tears of pride, tears of happiness. She looked amazing and strong and grown up and so adorable in her uniform. (although I'm not sure "adorable" is what the Navy is going for...). After a few pictures outside, we got in the car and she headed for her first taste of freedom in 7 weeks. We went to Portillo's for lunch and my heart wanted to just about burst with pride as she walked in, dressed in her uniform, carrying a pride that emminated from her. A customer walked up and thanked her for her service to our country. What an amazing moment.

We brought her back to the hotel and she filled us in on everything she had experienced, taught us how to fold towels and t-shirts and explained all of her new lingo. She said it went fast and it was a great experience, one she will always remember. We had to bring her back early that night because she had watch and it was so hard to drop her off after just getting her back with us. But with plans to meet up first thing in the morning, we watched her walk to her "ship". (Which actually isn't a ship at all, but a brick dormitory that they call a ship... ha ha)

Bright and early Saturday morning we were back on base, waiting for her to meet us. After a big breakfast at IHop, we drove into Chicago and headed to Navy Pier. (Oh, and you may have noticed a theme here with the food - Portillos, IHop, etc - man, can that girl eat. I have never seen such a little person eat that much food! I think she ate more than Devin!) At Navy Pier, we decided to go on the Spirit of Chicago lunch cruise - the same one the girls and I went on a few years ago when we were in town for State Wars. Brandy was, of course, the star of the show, not only dancing to the Cha-Cha Slide, the Electric Slide among other songs, she was selected to "act" out the part of Lola to the song Copacabana. It was hilarious!! The Navy obviously didn't rob her of her "Brandy-ness". After dinner at TGI Fridays (yes, the third LARGE meal of the day), we once again brought her back to base.

Today, Sunday, was the best day of all. We met her at 6:30 am and brought her back to the hotel for breakfast and then went back to base for church. Brandy has served as the Master of Arms for the church since arriving and was very excited to have us experience one of the services. What an incredible experience. The chapel, which is very large, was full of young men and women, some recruits, some recently graduated sailors, celebrating Christ. With hands in the air, voices singing out His praises, it was a sight unlike any I have ever seen. These incredible young people had not only devoted their lives to defend our country, they were also fully devoted followers of Christ. The chaplain asked for a show of hands how many were occasional church goers (Christmas and Easter), there were a couple of hands. Monthly church-goers? a few more hands. Weekly church-goers? Majority of hands. What a sight! Praise God! We prayed for all of them, for those effected by hurricane Gustav, and for those soldiers and sailors overseas fighting the war. I was overcome with pride for these incredible and brave men and women, so young and yet with so much clarity on their faith and their dedication.

After church, we tried to catch a movie but couldn't find the theatre so we opted for bowling. We had a great time and Brandy challenged me to a game in the bowling alley arcade of her choice. I said yes, without giving it a second thought. Her grin should have been a clue... as she brought me over to the Dance, Dance Revolution contraption. Yep. I did it. DDR. Not only did I do it, so did Devin! (Pictures to come!) Our last dinner was at Giordano's, Brandy's choice, and I tried to
just enjoy every last minute. But suddenly the weekend was over and it was time to drop her off for the last time. Despite spending most of the weekend laughing and joking, I couldn't fight the tears when it came time to say good-bye. It seemed like we had just arrived and I got to see her and hug her and now she was getting ready to leave us. But this time it wouldn't be 7 weeks, it would be two and a half months, or maybe longer. Our next visit would be over Thanksgiving.

As emotional as it was, it was such an incredible weekend and I loved every minute of it. Brandy's excited to see her sisters in November and is especially anxious to get Brooke ready for her boot camp experience. It is so important to her that her sister is happy and successful in her military career and as their mom, I love seeing the camaraderie and mutual respect that has developed.

Outside of all of these happenings with the girls, we were also blessed with getting our house (FINALLY!!!) last week and much more important than a house, being blessed with a brand new member of the family!!! More details to follow in another post... Will also post pictures of the weekend as soon as I get them uploaded!

Trying to catch up!

2008-08-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

Our walking spot - a beautiful garden in Reading

Things have definitely been hectic and I let my blog updates slip! I think it would be pretty much impossible to catch up on everything that's occurred, but I'll at least give the cliff notes version.

It's been a complete rollercoaster with our house and unfortunately the ride is not over yet. We weren't able to close on Monday due to a field review and now we're not even sure if we're going to be able to get our house. :-( The good news is that it's definitely a buyer's market and there are plenty of options out there. I have faith that it will all work out the way it's supposed to!

The Skyline Trail - Hawk Mt. Yep, we hiked this trail!

We got back from Pennsylvania late Saturday night and it was an amazing trip. I am drowning in information and can't wait to get it all in order and a good solid action plan in place. In my heart and soul, I know that I made the right decision and it feels amazing to be aligned with a company that echoes my values. I had an opportunity to meet new affiliates and it was my pleasure and honor to become friends with them. I'm looking forward to a long friendship with each of them.

Being in Pennsylvania once again made me question why it is I live in the desert. While I don't regret moving out here, I do miss back East... the green, seasons, farmland, clean air. Ah - the air smells so good I wish I could package it and bring it home with me! Oh well, one day we might have a farm in PA. :-)

I did get to talk with Brandy for the first time - unfortunately it was while I was on the bus to pick up our rental car, but it was so great to hear her voice! Poor kid has been really sick but it doesn't seem to be slowing her down at all. She's doing well, passing her inspections, and keeping focused on her goals. I know she's homesick and it makes me miss her that much more. I can't wait to see her - we leave two weeks from tomorrow!

July 25th - the hardest day of the year...

2008-08-03T16:16:00.000-07:00

I met her first on a warm, humid summer day. I had seen the bikes parked under the patio of the house at the end of the street for a few weeks and I had hoped that there was a girl living in the house that was my age. I desperately wanted a friend in my new neighborhood. With patience, I would ride by the yellow house day after day, hoping to catch a glimpse of some hope that my new best friend would live there.

Finally it happened… our street was about ¼ mile long with about 14 houses. This was the only house that I thought might have someone my age. And there she was. Standing at the end of her dirt driveway, long hair in a sideways ponytail, dressed in a bathing suit with a beach towel around her shoulders. She looked my age and I was so excited that I stopped immediately and introduced myself, not even worried that I was making a total fool of myself. I remember telling her my name and finding out yes, we were the same age, in the same grade. Her name was Stacie and even in that moment, she seemed so much more “girly” than I was. In a shy voice, she told me that she and her sister were going down to the Saco river for a swim. And even though her sister was only two years older, she looked like an adult. Close enough for me – I rushed home and told my mom I was going swimming and fudged, just a bit, on her sister’s age.

With my dog, Penny, at my side, I was back at her house in minutes with my bathing suit on. I had a friend! The trip that day to the river was the first of many days we would spend at the “campground”. (In reality, it was a tiny road with six pop-up campers.) The river provided the perfect swimming hole and the mucky clay on the bottom, blood suckers, and occasional brush on the legs by the fresh-water eels did not deter us from a cool swim. A raft made of wood planks and empty barrels provided hours of entertainment as we would swim underneath, perhaps surfacing in the air pocket in the middle.

That day started a friendship that would last 10 years, cut short by a careless act of selfishness. When I think of my childhood, my memories all center around Stacie – whether it was the feeble attempt to build a fort down in blackberry pit, resurrecting opposing castles in the snow banks at the bus stop or doing our hair together before a school dance. My memories with her are all crystal clear amid a contrasting compilation of barely-there and hazy recollections of the rest of my childhood. It is with startling clarity that I remember the thickness of her hair, the love she had for her poodle, Tuffy, and her distaste for doing chores (especially the bathroom – which I did for her on many days). We would do Jane Fonda aerobics together, listen to Kenny Rogers, and watch Blue Lagoon and Michael Jackson’s Thriller video over and over.

I would do no justice to her memory if I didn’t capture those things that perhaps may not be viewed as overly positive, yet at the time, completely defined her. As much as I didn’t sleep, she slept. And we used to joke that she slept like the dead. Nothing would wake her. She would study so hard for every exam, and yet I would always get a better grade despite not studying. This infuriated her and always made me feel bad. I was chronically early and she was chronically late. I would show up at her house on the way to the bus stop in the morning and her family was none too pleased when the dog would bark at my knocks and wake them up. They never understood why I chose to spend more time at their house than mine. They never knew that when I thought of "family" or "home", they were my definition, not my house.

It was Stacie’s tendency for jealousy that I never understood. After all, she had the one thing I wanted more than anything – a stable, loving home environment. Her family was close, told each other they loved each other frequently, and you could tell how much they all adored her. Even though we were both the youngest of three, it couldn’t have been a more stark contrast.

We had our ups and downs, as teen girls do, but regardless of what was going on, we always spoke on my birthday and on her birthday. It was something we never missed.

She wanted to be a marine biologist – had since the day I met her. She wanted to grow up, get her degree, get married and have two little girls named Hannah and Megan. She also longed to have straight teeth and this would prove to be the only desire she had come to reality. She died shortly after getting her braces off. (Maybe this lends to my strong desire to have my girls appreciate their orthodontics.)

We hadn’t seen each other for quite a few months and it was her 21st birthday. I had Brooke just three months earlier, when I met up with her and some other friends at the bar at the Marriott. I never went "out" so it was so odd to be out, amongst friends. We hadn’t talked in months, as I was busy with the three girls and dealing with the mess Kirk had left me in. But I wanted to see her.

At some point late in the evening, we both went to the ladies room and I will never forget the conversation. Something within me told me to let her know what she meant to me. I must have sounded like a babbling fool – telling her how much I loved her, that she meant the world to me, and she was the most positive thing to come out of my childhood. I thanked her for her friendship and for all of the memories. I told her how beautiful I thought she was and how honored I was to have her as my best friend all of those years. I remember being so overcome with emotion, that I started crying. She hugged me and told me that I was being silly. She told me she loved me too… I'm sure she was trying to figure out how I had gotten "drunk" after not drinking alcohol! How else could my emotional outburst be explained?

That was July, 1991. I spoke to her on my birthday that October. A quick conversation, checked on the kids, and caught up briefly on life.

Two months later, I received word that would forever change my life. I didn’t have a phone in my apartment as diapers and formula took precedence. My mother showed up and told me that she had bad news. Stacie had been in a car accident and she was in critical condition. She didn’t know much other than the fact that her sister and brother were in the car, and although injured, they were expected to be ok. However, Stacie was much more serious. It was four days before Christmas.

She was in ICU at Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor – a 3-4 hour drive north. One of my biggest regrets now is not leaving immediately to see her. But I had no one to watch the girls as my mother was heading for potentially life-threatening surgery the following day. And it was that next morning I learned that she died. At the hands of a drunk-driver. Katherine Bolduc, 34 years old, her two kids in the car. Multiple DUIs to her name. At a Christmas party and no one stopped her. No one took her keys. They let her kill my best friend.

I would later learn that Stacie was driving up to spend Christmas with her mother and step-father, bringing her sister and brother. She saw the car coming towards her on her side of the 4-lane road, but she was on a bridge. She was trapped and she knew she was going to die.

At MMC that day, I was in the ICU waiting room as my mother was coming out of surgery. I was crying and filling my sister in on the details when another visitor spoke up. Ironically, I learned, she had been on the rescue unit that was first on scene to Stacie’s accident. She assured me that Stacie had been killed instantly, had not suffered, they only kept her alive long enough to donate her organs. She didn’t suffer, she told me. Yet, how can you say she didn’t suffer if she saw her impending death? I shudder to think of those last minutes of her life before the impact.

The funeral was little more than a blur – the church filled with friends, family, and many Maine State Troopers (her step-father was a State Policeman). But we couldn't help but smile and even giggle a bit when the song "Don't Worry... Be Happy" came loudly from the church speakers. The minister let everyone know, that's what Stacie would have wanted. He commented on her love of dancing in the rain and I knew that he was referring to my special memory. During any substantial rain storm, we would meet at the halfway point between our houses, dancing and singing like fools.

I wrote this post on her 38th birthday, 7/25/08, but she will forever be 21 in my heart and in my memories. A life cut short due to a tragic selfishness and utter disregard for others. I pray often that I will one day forgive her killer and all of those that allowed her killer to be on the road that day. And I pray that no one will ever have to know this pain.

Pennsylvania

2008-07-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

So my posts are a bit out of order, but I will do my best to catch up!

Today is our first full day in Reading, PA. I could live here in a heartbeat - it's absolutely beautiful. This is my 2nd trip to the area this year, but I'll be here much longer this time. I'm attending the quarterly affiliate network session for the next four days, one day off (on Sunday), and then six days of fast start training on all of the new processes and products I'll be representing. It's going to be busy and probably exhausting, but I can't think of a better place to be.

Our flights were perfect yesterday and we despite having to get up super early yesterday, I have no complaints. We arrived in Philly around 4:30 p.m. and started the 75 mile out to Reading/Wyomissing. The highways here, similar to Maine, don't necessarily have an exit every mile.... or every two miles, or every five miles, for that matter. D and I were lost in an in-depth conversation when we realized we drove by our exit. It wasn't a simple matter of turning around at the next exit, because by then we were in a completely different area. Despite being a bit directionally and map challenged, we found our way to Reading through beautiful farmland, rolling hills, and green trees and grass. To me, it was worth getting lost, I mean taking a detour, to see more of the countryside. Once we got to Wyomissing, we came upon a beautiful park, with grass, a brooke running through the middle, weeping willow trees, flowers and benches. We decided that after dinner, we would come back and take a walk.

The hotel is very quaint - a rambling, old one to two story structure that provides the necessities but certainly doesn't represent the upscale establishments I normally use when traveling on business. However, I like it so much more!! We have a big room, free Internet, a little refrigerator, and free breakfast buffet each morning (which was delicious!).

We went to Friendly's for dinner - my choice, of course! and then took a nice long walk in the park. On the way out, we met a lady who talked to us for quite awhile and ended up inviting us to her church on Sunday (and to Israel in December!!). God's work, I have no doubt!

The best part of the day, however, was the call I received on the bus to pick up the rental car - I finally heard from BRANDY! It was so amazing to hear her voice again, although she still sounds hoarse. She said she's not feeling too great, but they tell her it's her sinuses not her throat. They gave her some medicine. She has become the "faith officer" or something like that and said she really loves the work she's doing with the church. She is the section leader in the church band, helps organize the services, makes sure people know when to go to church, and is constantly cleaning and doing stuff there at the church to help out. Her Chaplain gave her a new bible and she told me she reads it a lot. It's so great to see how God is working in her life. At the end of the call she started crying and it broke my heart. I miss her so much and can't wait until I can see her in a few weeks.

I'll post later about the reunion!

Love story

2008-07-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

And I have officially decided that Good Will Hunting is my favorite movie. It is the ultimate love story. Robin Williams' character talking about his wife makes me cry everytime.

City by the Bay

2008-07-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

Although it got off to a bit of a rocky start, over all I would say it was a successful day. I woke up to Brit knocking on my door, asking me if I was awake and would be ready to go to the airport shortly. Now there's a switch for you - one of my girls waking me up when I've over slept in the morning! :-) I must have slept through my 4:30 am alarm and by the time she woke me up it was too late to shower. I finished packing in a rush, threw on my clothes and we were out the door. It wasn't until I was sitting on the plane that I realized I had forgotten my badge and a few other things.
The flight to San Francisco was great and I was actually able to sleep for a good portion of the flight (again, something new for me!). The cab driver informed me that I was very lucky to come into town today, the weather was the best it had been for awhile and it truly was gorgeous. Sunny, warm, with a nice breeze off the bay.
Although I always enjoy coming to SF, I had what I considered an "uncomfortable" schedule of meetings. Unlike my previous roles, this particular job is basically a task-manager role and lacks the passion and drive I normally have. And the meetings today were pretty much centered around those tasks... a marketing director that would be supporting a letter and email campaign I initiated, a VP of analysis that would provide the stats and analytics for a pilot, and lastly a presentation to my EVP's leadership team.
I enjoyed the 2 1/2 mile walk to the office from my hotel and was once again reminded why I love this city. Of all of the cities I have visited, SF was by far the best walking city and there was no end to the interesting people you see, the incredible architecture. I anticipated my walk to and from the office being the high point of the day. But as usual, life surprised me. My first two meetings were great and I thoroughly enjoyed them. I had some time prior to my presentation, so I stopped by to visit my old team and was greeted with warm hugs. As much as I pride myself on being independent and keeping my emotional distance from business colleagues, this reminded me just how special the people are at my company. And I missed being on and having a team.
After visiting for awhile, I made my way back to Kearny Street to present at the leadership meeting. I knew about half of the 20 SVPs and VPs in the room, including my boss. The presentation seemed to go very well and I received some great emails after - including one from my boss' boss. :-)
But here is where the day gets interesting. About a year ago I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and decided that I would not eat all of my meals in my room while traveling on business. The first few times I ate at a restaurant by myself it was very uncomfortable. I had to find things to look at or do to preoccupy myself - playing with my blackberry, reviewing my to-do list. NowI've learned to just sit, relax, and enjoy my meal and my surroundings when out. Of course, I talk big but the funny thing is I've only pushed my comfort zone just so far... for example, when in SF, I eat out, but it's always at the same restaurant - Cheesecake Factory at the top of Macy's, overlooking Union Square.
Well, on my way into Macy's, I caught sight of a homeless man on his knees, praying. If you've been to SF, you know that there are a lot of homeless on the sidewalks, with signs asking for money, begging, or wandering around aimlessly, most likely victims of mental disorders or drug addictions. As with the poverty in other countries, it almost becomes too much to handle. I feel helpless and powerless, and these are people in my backyard. So I'm guilty of doing what most everyone does - I ignore them. I struggle to "excuse" homelessness - in the past I've judged them - lazy, drug addicts, alcoholics. All things to me that are within someone's control. Sometimes I move away with an irrational fear,scared at times that they may come towards me. But this man on his knees tonight caught my attention. I wondered what he was praying, if he was really praying, and did he have faith in God despite his situation?
The reality of the condition of the people on the street distracted me throughout dinner and as I looked at my plate of food, that was enough to feed at least two people, I couldn't help but feel guilty. At the same time, I thanked God for all of the blessings He has given to me. It seemed small and inconsequential, but I decided to take the rest of my food to go and give it to the man praying out front. I wanted him to know God heard him. However, when I walked out, he was gone but it didn't take me long to find another man. He was older, perhaps in his 60s, with a sign asking for help. He had kind eyes and a sad pride about him. I walked straight up to him, looked him in the eye, and asked "are you hungry, sir?". "Yes, ma'am, I am" he said softly "very hungry". I gave him the bag, telling him it wasn't much but it was warm and fresh. "God bless you" he whispered.
As I walked back to the hotel, I was overcome with emotion. I'm not sure where it came from, but this small interaction moved me. It was such a small act of kindness, it took no time and no money. I gave him food that hundreds of time before I would have just discarded. It made no difference to me how he ended up on the street or what he had done in the past. All that mattered was I was able to make a difference in his life. And in turn, he made a difference in mine.

The pageant

2008-07-22T09:52:00.001-07:00

A few months ago Brooke was invited to compete in the National American Miss Teen pageant and decided she would pursue the opportunity. I probably looked at her like she was from outer space - after all, here was my 24/7 hockey player wanting to be in a pageant. Quite a deviation from what I was used to.

Brooke was able to get sponsors, sell some advertising space in the program, and we had a successful shopping trip to get her business suit and gown.

Now, one of my favorite movies is Miss Congeniality. I love it! And it's a pretty good reflection about how I feel about pageants... I mean Scholarship Programs. I have fought against stereotypes all of my life and had a hard time reconciling a "beauty" competition with intelligence and leadership capabilities. Maybe it's because my 5'2" frame wouldn't necessarily lend to an evening gown competition.

But now my daughter was competing and I had to support her by stepping away from my old perspectives and leaving behind my connotation of what a pageant was or was not. A couple of observations:

Pageant moms, believe it or not, are actually 10x better than hockey moms. There's no yelling, screaming (in a bad way), getting mad at the refs/judges, glaring at the other team, etc. No, on the contrary they were all sweet and genuine and nice. We would talk about which daughter was ours and then we'd cheer each other's daughter on in the next competition. Not to say this doesn't exist in hockey, just not as frequently.

Parents didn't carry spare allen wrenches, wheels, hockey tape, but rather hairspray, safety pins and bobby pins. And it smells so pretty!! (even though the girls weren't permitted to wear perfume)

There is a generation of young women who have incredible poise, knowledge, strength, determination and drive. They are smart, genuine and sweet. It would be an honor to work with any of them within the corporate environment.

When on stage in a beautiful gown, my daughter wasn't a goalie, she was a princess, beautiful beyond words.

No matter how old you are, you still need the love and support of your family. Perhaps one of the biggest disappointments coming out of the weekend was the fact that many people who Brooke loved and counted on were not at the pageant with her. Although she didn't say it, I could read the sadness on her face.

I am very proud of her - she did a great job. She looked beautiful and tried something outside of her comfort zone.

And I, back to the topic of judging, was reminded once again that I have no right to judge anyone on such trivial grounds or to make assumptions about their character based on their outward appearances. I witnessed an opportunity for young ladies to learn and develop leadership qualities and skills that are lacking in most people in this country. Pride in themselves, strength in their convictions, and belief in the future. To say it was a beauty pageant would simply be referring to pure inner beauty and kindness of spirit.

Matthew 7:1-5 - part one

2008-07-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye

As I journey through life I am oftentimes surprised about the lessons I continue to learn. I stand up righteous and proud, convinced that I have learned so much, matured over the years, and then I realize just how little I know and how much I have left to learn. And to me, that's a beautiful thing. What an incredible life I can say I led, if up until the day I die I have continued to learn. Over the past week I have been reading and studying the Book of Matthew. (yes, due in part to the fact that the camo Bible sits in the bathroom and that seems to be the only time I take a few minutes away from the to-do list!). I used to think that the Bible, although an interesting work of literature, was difficult to read and enjoy. I was so wrong and I kick myself for the wasted time reading the latest and greatest management or leadership book, self-help guide, or other nonsense. I don't need those because everything I could possibly need to lead the life that I want is contained with the pages of the Bible.

During our marriage enrichment class at the church, the couple facilitating our class often referenced Matthew 7:4, advising us to take care of "our side of the street" and our spouse would take care of theirs. I'm a score keeper. Not sure why, but it's a huge weakness for me. "So let's see...today I've done this, this and this and you've only done that. I'm doing more and you're not bearing your share of the burden." It's a horrible pre-occupation and a complete waste of time. The best way for me to overcome my scorekeeping tendencies is to remember that class and what we learned. Reading through Matthew brought that back to me.

The past few days, "judgement" could be considered the main topic of my thoughts. Two big events triggered that - the first being my upcoming class reunion and the second being Brooke's participation in the National American Miss Teen pageant (you can see where I'm going with the judging on this one, right?)

My 20 year class reunion is this coming weekend. I don't even know how that could be possible and it's funny just how very different the tone of a 20-year versus a 5- or 10-year. When I first thought about going, I had one very clear goal: I'm going to go show them how well I've done, how successful I am, that I achieved more than any of them thought possible. Fueling this was my lack of self-esteem, self-confidence and the personal pressure I put on myself to prove everyone wrong. After all, I had been on a very successful path in life and took an abrupt detour. I lost friends, my reputation was damaged, and I could no longer participate in the things I took such pride in once I got pregnant. I was kicked out of honor society, lost my first chair in wind ensemble, and I was told by a guidance counselor that I would forever be a drain on society. Easy to see why I would want to prove them all wrong, right?

But then I thought, screw them. What do they know? They are a bunch of small town hicks that probably never amounted to anything. Why would I waste my money, my time and my energy to fly across country. Basically, they are not worthy. I made the reunion trivial in my mind, I didn't want to talk about it, think about it or acknowledge it. Fueling this thought: an inability to forgive hurts and wrongs of the past.

A few weeks pass and it's suddenly the week before the reunion and I'm overcome with a feeling of nostalgia, sadness, regret. Friday, the 25th would be Stacie's 38th birthday. Hard to believe she's been gone for 17 years. No matter what was going on or where we were, we always talked on her birthday and mine. When possible, I have tried to go to Maine on her birthday, take the beautiful, slow, winding drive up the coast along Route 1, and make my way to the serene cemetery overlooking Bucksport harbor. Surrounded by pine and birch trees, it's artfully hidden from the road and utterly peaceful. I will sit for awhile and talk as though she is there next to me - catching her up on all of the events of my life. With her, there is no pride, or self-defense, or boasting. There is just truth, and honesty, and love. I have nothing to hide.

Having the reunion scheduled for the day after Stacie's birthday only served to increase my longing to be back home. As I would think about Stacie, other friends would come to mind. Although there are aspects of being from a small town that I didn't care for, we did have one tremendous positive - my friends and I went to school with each other for 13 years. I look at my girls and how many times they have had to move and it seems so amazing to me that they don't know what that was like. And here is where the regret comes in.... I was so angry at myself and for the mistakes that I had made, that I lost sight of those friendships. I was SO afraid of being judged, that I judged. Because I felt bad about myself, I assumed they thought I was a bad person and to retaliate, I would judge them.
Can you find me??? Hint: bottom row red dress with white bib front, boy's haircut!
A reminder was sent out about the reunion with a link to a website containing photos from all of years in school together. As I looked through the pictures, I was flooded with memories, good memories, happy memories. People I respected and friendships I treasured. I'm not sure when it happened, perhaps it was when reciting the Lord's prayer - forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors - but suddenly the anger and judgment was gone. Shortly thereafter I received some emails from old classmates, friends I had not talked to in 20 years. There was no condemnation in their messages, just genuine care and curiosity about where our lives had taken us. I learned that one of my classmates has spent the past two decades in Europe, setting up schools in impoverished towns. Another has become a doctor, establishing medical clinics in Africa. Another good friend is a minister, with an active and popular youth program. And two of my friends have become teachers and teach in the very district where we went to school. And on what grounds had I judged them? To think of how I have judged them all of these years simply because I assumed they were judging me. Time to work on the log in my own eye.

So now I want to once again attend my reunion. But now it's not about pride, or judgement, or selfishness. It's about re-connecting with dear friends who shared my entire childhood. It's about honoring Stacie's memory, it's to share stories of our beautiful families and the blessings God has granted to us. It's to let go of anything negative in the past and emerge with new friendships, new insights, and a new appreciation of each other.

Realistically, however, the reunion was a week away and I had a business trip booked on Thursday and Friday on the opposite coast. Not only could I not afford to go, there was no way I could make the schedule. I got upset, cried some tears, and realized that would do no good. So I prayed and turned it over to God.

I decided to price out a trip, just to see... I was due to land in Phoenix from SF on Friday afternoon, but to use my miles to travel to Boston, I wouldn't be able to fly back home until Monday evening. That would be too difficult given that I was scheduled to leave on Tuesday for 12 days. On a whim, I checked the schedule on flights from SF to Boston and was able to find a flight with my miles that would get me back on Sunday morning. But I would need to then pay for a one-way flight from SF to PHX. $181. Ugh.

And then I realized that I could just move my return flight from SF to Sunday and then the return flight would be covered under my business ticket. Nothing out of pocket! It worked! After texting D to make sure it was ok with him, I checked with Kim to see if she would not only be willing to pick me up at midnight on Friday but to also get me back to Boston at 6am on Sunday following the reunion. She agreed and was excited that I would be her "date"! And the 6am was fine with both of us because we didn't intend to drink at the reunion, so why not pull an all-nighter??

I'm not sure how it all fell into place, but it did and I am so excited!! It's a quick trip, but how incredible it's going to be to see everyone. And to do it with nothing out-of-pocket is nothing short of miraculous.

In the next post, I'll give the beauty pageant update!!

Update from Brandy!

2008-07-17T20:35:00.000-07:00

Every day since she left, I would anxiously check the mail to see if we received a letter from Brandy. Today was my lucky day with two letters. Now thankfully, I opened the letter sent later first - as it seems things have definitely improved as time goes on. She ended up staying awake for more than 40 hours straight and I'm sure that didn't help the fact she came down with a nasty sinus infection. Her division had actually already been there for a week when she joined which means she'll be graduating a week earlier. She doesn't seem very fond of the rest of her division- telling me their immature and she hasn't yet made any friends. That seems so out of character for Brandy and I'm sure that will change soon.

In the first letter she expressed her disappointment over the fact that the band was only accepting drummers. But, according to the 2nd letter, she is now playing with the church band and really loves it. And to make it even better, she made section leader!! :-) She met her goal of being the lead recruit, so that was excellent news. Being a good big sister, she passed on tidbits of information for Brooke to help prepare her for her time at boot camp. It is apparent that the preparation and DEP meetings paid off for her - I'm so thankful to her recruiters.

My daily epiphany

2008-07-10T19:29:00.000-07:00

I have epiphanies frequently. Which I think is good because it demonstrates that even though I'm getting older, I'm still learning every day and perhaps correcting my path if I'm not going in the right direction.

Here's my epiphany for today: I have been a complete hippocrate!

One of my greatest passions in life is facilitating learning - I love to be in front of a class, I don't care what the subject is as long as it involves people being engaged and becoming excited about the topic. I will spend every last ounce of energy I have to make sure that my participants are enjoying their time and truly getting something out of the class experience.

Next week I will be facilitating a completely virtual learning session. Needless to say, my goal is to have all of the participants engaged. I'm also working on curriculum for another pretty intense virtual class and I've been spending a lot of time thinking about that curriculum and how to keep it interesting. Think about it. It's hard enough not to multi-task or drift off when you're in a meeting or on the phone. It's even worse when you're actually already on the computer to take the class. It's so easy to check your email or update your blog!

So here I am tonight, sitting on my ethics class, as a participant, and WHAM! An epiphany! I'm a hippocrate. Throughout most of the class I've multi-tasked, dreaded the class, checked out, etc. Not to mention, I haven't done a great job of keeping up with the assignments. And my poor instructor. It's his first time leading a virtual learning session and although it's evident he has sound business knowledge, facilitation skills are a bit lacking. I should have seen this as a huge opportunity. I'm a facilitator, a business person, and out-going as anything and yet I've stayed silent, not participated, and been pretty much absent from the class.

The bad news is that the class is 2/3 over, however, it's never too late. So tonight I participated and jumped in when I could. I thanked my instructor and really stayed attentive.

Probably most people wouldn't classify this as an epiphany, but I do! When you have an opportunity to engage with other people, help someone else out, you do it! No falling into "victim" mode or mentality. It's about always thinking AND acting as a compassionate leader!

A camouflage Bible

2008-07-09T19:23:00.000-07:00

On our way into MEPS on Monday, to get Brandy processed, we were each handed a small Bible, covered in the latest camouflage. It was a perfect size, designed to fit in the pocket of fatigues, or in our case perfect for my purse and for the back of the toilet. As silly as it sounds, that little Bible, containing the New Testament, is the best way to spend a few quiet minutes when we're in the bathroom. D has found it ideal and I believe, has even traded his pocket yahtzee game and opted to read a chapter or so.

Every time I see the little cammo Bible, I feel comfort knowing that Brandy is carrying the same one. I'm excited to think about the comfort it will bring her over the coming weeks and more importantly, thoughout her life. This week has been difficult and at those moments when I'm filled with pain and despair and worry, I realize that it is because I am not trusting in Him. Not hearing His word.

So I pray, I pray for her and I pray for me. I pray for all of the other members of our military who so selflessly are giving their life for our country and I pray for their families who, I'm sure, feel the same pride, yet who miss them while they're serving.

My Crazy Life

2008-07-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

It's been two days since Brandy left, and it's still tough. I think the hardest part is that I haven't heard from her so I have no idea how she's doing. Knowing Brandy like I do, I picture her kicking butt, doing a great job, and winning everyone over. But as her mom, I can't help but worry. Is she sick?? Her tonsils were bad when she went up there. How about her sunburn? Is she exhausted? Is she homesick? She told me she got one phone call, but so far we haven't heard from her. And I anticipate it's going to be awhile before she can get a letter in the mail.

Meanwhile, life moves on. I have so much going on right now (not that that's any deviation from the norm) but it's quite overwhelming, though I think in a positive way. There's nothing like trying to run two businesses, a full time job, full time school, and get things taken care of for our new house, get ready for Brooke's upcoming pageant, tend the dogs and Bangara's infection, keep the house clean, brush up on MS Project, oh yeah... and lose ten pounds and get back into shape! There are just not enough hours in the day.

I do have this small window of time in the morning that I love. I'm the only one awake, the dogs are still on their good behavior, and I'm able to make my plan of attack for the day in the silence of the morning. I mark all of my meetings on my calendar, list out all of my outstanding tasks (broken out of course by category), and get focused on trying to accomplish them all. I probably average getting done about 20% on my list - I want to increase that to 75 - 80% by next week! The problem is, I tend to add things to the list as the day progresses, so it just grows and grows uncontrollably.

My goal starting next week is to take the dogs for a walk in the morning - two at a time. Bangara and Baxter are only good for about 1/2 mile, so I'll bring them together and then come back and get Sampson and Sierra who should be able to do about a mile! Gets me my exercise and gets them the time and exercise they need. Wish me luck!

The hardest thing I've ever done...

2008-07-07T09:21:00.000-07:00

I thought I was prepared. I thought I was ready. And then reality slapped me across the face - hard! I didn't want to say good-bye, I didn't want to let her go. My heart hurt and the tears couldn't be stopped.

Fromm talks of parental love in his book "Sane Society", referring to it as the most difficult love that exists. As a parent, you have to have this deep, unconditional, unwavering love for your child, yet the very minute they are born or brought into your life, you have to begin preparing them to leave you. Everything we do from the moment that child is placed in your arms for the first time is done to ready them for this very moment, though we may not realize it at the time.

Driving away from dropping her off, sheer panic set in. Did I do it right? Did I give her everything I could have? Is she ready for what lies before her? Was I a good Mom?

It's funny, I've heard people talk about how your life flashes before your eyes during scary or life-threatening moments, but today it was her life that flashed before my eyes. I could picture her entire life as if it was in a little precious package. So quickly it has gone. I thought of the first ultrasound that not only revealed she was a little girl, but a little girl with severe leg deformities. I never once considered not continuing the pregnancy, but rather she was the child God gave me and I knew I would love her and treasure her no matter what was in store. I remember her first moments on this earth, bald and bruised, with her crooked little legs, but yet a determination and strength that carries on through today.

I remember a baby with a will so strong, that she learned to walk despite huge casts on her legs and a spirit so unwavering that the doctors couldn't hold her down to change those casts. I remember a toddler that would climb on tables, break her collar bone and have temper tantrums so bad that I would just sit there and cry with frustration.

I remember a young girl that was not afraid of anything and would never back down from a challenge. Boys-only baseball team? She was the starting pitcher. I can still picture the day that the ump told her that girls had no business playing on a boys team and her smile at him as she struck out the next five batters. And then there was hockey. Her crooked feet had a way of constantly damaging her skates and her mouth and quick temper had a way of landing her in the penalty box.

I remember a young lady who emerged as a leader in her high school, helping to found an award-winning marching band, winning the John Philip Souza award. A young lady earning recognition for her beautiful smile and winning the vote as the most likely band member to become president. A young lady who loves with all of her heart, tries with all of her might, and believes in people, the future, our country, and our God.

Having had one child "grow up" and leave already, I suddenly have a new understanding for the difference between having one leave the nest and fall stumbling and struggling on the ground below versus having one leave the nest and fly off. Not to say she won't stumble and struggle, because she will. The difference lies within the swiftness of the goodbye, the sudden change of having your child with you daily to having her in another state, with minimal contact.

Tonight...I feel her fear, her excitement, her eagerness.
Tonight...I miss her with all of my heart and my being.
Tonight...I know God is with her, watching over her, protecting her.
Tonight...I am SO proud of my daughter.
Tonight...I am eternally grateful that God blessed me with being her mother.

The Next Chapter

2008-07-02T18:56:00.000-07:00

Strange to think that in two days, my life is going to change. I will officially be a military Mom, with a daughter serving our great country. Having spent time in other countries that don't enjoy the same liberties we have in the US, I have a profound appreciation for what we have. I recognize that it is men and women like my daughter who protect and defend our freedoms here in the US and around the world and as such, I couldn't be more proud of her decision.

During class the other night, my instructor closed class by wishing us a happy 4th and reminding us to research the fate of the 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence. I consider myself a fairly educated person and definitely patriotic, yet I was surprised by how little I knew about those men and the sacrifice they made. They sacrficed and lost most everything that was precious to them to establish our country and allow us to live as we do today. Though they lost their fortunes, some lost their loved ones, they never recanted. Not one of them. Why would they be willing to lose everything? I believe it was their profound faith in God. Otherwise, how could it be possible that they stayed resolute? All 56 men were devout in their faith in God and founded this country based on that faith.

Take for example Abraham Clarke, one of the signers:

He gave two sons to the officer corps in the Revolutionary Army. They were captured and sent to the infamous British prison hulk afloat in New York harbor known as the hell ship "Jersey," where 11,000 American captives were to die. The younger Clarks were treated with a special brutality because of their father. One was put in solitary and given no food. With the end almost in sight, with the war almost won, no one could have blamed Abraham Clark for acceding to the British request when they offered him his sons' lives if he would recant and come out for the King and parliament. The utter despair in this man's heart, the anguish in his very soul, must reach out to each one of us down through 200 years with his answer: "No."

From http://usff.com/usff/sacredhonor.html

He was asked to stand true to his beliefs, yet was faced with the ultimate torment a parent could be faced with.

So I ask myself, do I stand true to my beliefs? Do you?

There is such a sadness in my heart that Brandy will be leaving, that she will not longer "need" her Mom the way she used to - she is grown, and strong, and determined. But she will always be my little girl, my miracle baby who fought tremendous battles to even come into this world. But I believe in my God and my country, and to have her serve in our military makes me prouder than words can express.

I love you Brandy and I'm so proud of you!

Psalm 118:24

2008-06-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

"This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it" Psalm 118:24

Believing that every day is a gift from the Lord, I hate the feeling that I may in any way be wasting one minute of one of those days. The new reality of my life, however, has in fact made me re-assess the way I define "wasting" a day.

In the very recent past, I was the kind of person who wouldn't stop, wouldn't slow down. I wanted to see, do, experience anything and everything I could. I loved to work and was blessed with an incredible job. For me, it has never been a problem to work a lot of hours - not because I had to, but because I wanted to. And this drive didn't slow down the personal aspects of my life either. I loved being involved with my girls', going to their activities - hockey games, concerts, etc. Girls' trips with Kim, camping, hiking, you name it. To maximize the hours in my day, I would leave my house at 4:30 am, beat the traffic and go to the gym for at least an hour each day, and then head into the office, often being on the run throughout the day and not getting home until it past dark. Oftentimes, I would take classes at night. I thrived on this type of schedule.

People would ask me how it was I accomplished so much, and I casually joked that was because God only built me to require half the sleep of normal people. Four hours and I was good to go. But even when I would joke about that, deep down I would always remind myself to be thankful for that gift - enjoy that extra productivity I was able to enjoy.

And then that all changed a little over a year ago. I wanted to deny it, pretend nothing was wrong, find an excuse for how tired I was, but it eventually got the better of me. Fatigue, joint pain, cognitive changes - my new reality. It has taken me months to accept it and sometimes I still struggle with accepting it.

I could say that last week was a very hard week, but instead I think about all of the great things that came out of it. I was able to do something I am very passionate about and I loved every minute of it. Instead of 14 to 18 hours of activity, however, it seems my body will only give me 8 or 9 hours and for those 8 or 9, I need at least 16 to 18 to recover. And there's a cumulative toll. I've heard that you can't catch up on sleep, but it seems that my body has pretty much proven that false. Having said that, I will still say it was a GREAT week!

I had a plan for today - clean my house, get my laundry done that had been neglected all week, get my floors washed (yes, still haven't been done since the luau), but a few minutes on my feet and I was wiped out. I was forced onto the couch, seemingly recuperating from the week's activities. I'm hoping tomorrow is a productive day and I'm able to get everything done before heading to the airport to pick up D.

This new reality is sometimes hard, definitely frustrating, and I often feel guilty that I'm not doing things I need to or used to be able to do for my loved ones. But then I recite Psalm 118:24. I rejoice in the day that God has made. I thank Him for all that I have and all that I can do and experience. I am so blessed with my absolutely amazing husband, my daughters, and a career that allows me to meet wonderful people. I know the Lord has big plans for me and He will give me no more crosses than I can bear. When it gets difficult to accept this new reality, I think of Psalm 118:24 and I am glad in this day!